Man Jokes Quotes

A man could shoot a squirrel out of a tree from a distance of sixty feet. But he couldn't vomit into a bucket or pee into a pot only two feet away. It was one of the great mysteries of life. ~ Maggie Osborne

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka. ~ Daniel Tosh

It will startle you to see what slaves we are to by-gone times-to Death, if we give the matter the right word! ... We read in Dead Men's books! We laugh at Dead Men's jokes, and cry at Dead Men's pathos! ... Whatever we seek to do, of our own free motion, a Dead Man's icy hand obstructs us! ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

Some [jests] are becoming to a gentleman, others are not; see that you choose such as become you. Irony better befits a gentleman than buffoonery; the ironical man jokes to amuse himself, the buffoon to amuse other people. ~ Aristotle.

I fought for the values of responsibility, and I'm not a man who does not accept his responsibilities. ~ Nicolas Sarkozy

If God created everything, and if man is created in God's image, and if man can dream a fate greater than the one set out for him by God, could God dream a fate greater than his own? ~ Michael Anthony

...at least, while the man is young, in this long cheating, which presents life, nothing seems desperately preferable than recklessness ~ Francoise Sagan

Stop thief! Stop thief!' There is a magic in the sound. The tradesman leaves his counter, and the car-man his waggon; the butcher throws down his tray; the baker his basket; the milkman his pail; the errand-boy his parcels; the school-boy his marbles; the paviour his pickaxe; the child his battledore. Away they run, pell-mell, helter-skelter, slap-dash: tearing, yelling, screaming, knocking down the passengers as they turn the corners, rousing up the dogs, and astonishing the fowls: and streets, squares, and courts, re-echo with the sound. ~ Charles Dickens

I find it striking that the quality of the urban habitat of homo sapieans is so weakly researched compared to the habitats of gorillas, elephants, and Bengal tigers and panda bears in China ... you hardly see anything on the habitat of man in the urban environment. ~ Jan Gehl

Someday a computer will give a wrong answer to spare someone's feelings, and man will have invented artificial intelligence. ~ Robert Breault

I'm a feminist in the true sense of the word. It's about equality. ~ Natalie Dormer

Every life is meant to help all lives; each man should live for all men's betterment. ~ Alice Cary

If he didn't love her enough to risk everything then she didn't want him. She wanted a man who loved her and would do anything for her, not someone too scared to do anything about it. ~ R.L. Mathewson

Sade is still a prisoner when he dies, but this time in a lunatic asylum,acting plays on an improvised stage with other lunatics. A derisory equivalent of the satisfaction that the order of the world failed to give him was provided for him by dreams and by creative activity. The writer,
of course, has no need to refuse himself anything. For him, at least, boundaries disappear and desire can
be allowed free rein. In this respect Sade is the perfect man of letters. He created a fable in order to give
himself the illusion of existing. ~ Albert Camus

Surprisingly, I felt no anger towards him. He was just Man. Man in his basic, rudimentary state, easily moved by powerful emotions like love, lust, anger, greed, and fear, but totally dumb to the finer, acquired emotions like pity, mercy, humour, and justice. ~ Helon Habila

Not many people sleep with other men and when the other man leaves have a nervous breakdown. ~ Andrew Sullivan

Novelty may fix our attention not even on the service but on the celebrant. You know what I mean. Try as one may to exclude it, the question "What on earth is he up to now?" will intrude. It lays one's devotion waste. There is really some excuse for the man who said, "I wish they'd remember that the charge to Peter was Feed my sheep; not Try experiments on my rats, or even, Teach my performing dogs new tricks. ~ C.S. Lewis

In the eyes of his contemporaries, he was a man who had committed the one unforgivable sin; he was proud of his wealth. ~ Ayn Rand

We define masculinity in very narrow way. Masculinity is hard, small cage, and we put boys inside this cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear, of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves, because they have to be, in Nigerian-speak
a hard man, ~ Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

No man can be sane who searches for what will injure him in place of what is best. ~ Seneca.

The man in black retreated before the slashing of the great sword. He tried to sidestep, tried to parry, tried to somehow escape the doom that was now inevitable. But there was no way. He could block fifty thrusts; the fifty-first flicked through, and now his left arm was bleeding. He could thwart thirty ripostes, but not the thirty-first, and now his shoulder bled. The ~ William Goldman

I never needed a Man. I needed a Viking. I needed someone who wasn't afraid of my strengths, or of my needs. I chose wrong... in the past. I thought I had to find someone who could put up with my hunger for life. But I was so damn wrong. I needed a Viking. I needed someone who would admire all the things about me that tepid men were intimidated by. ~ Alfa Holden

Whoever is not a misanthrope at forty can never have loved mankind. ~ Nicolas Chamfort

The Oresteia, King Lear, Dostoevsky's The Devils no less than the art of Giotto or the Passions of Bach, inquire into, dramatize, the relations of man and woman to the existence of the gods or of God. ~ George Steiner

It's pretty easy to hear what people are physically responding to versus what's just flat as a pancake in the room when it comes to jokes. ~ Elizabeth Banks

He was a man without a past, whose future was the imminent grave and whose present was a bitter fever of living. ~ Jack London

Lots of people have gone from public housing to do great things in the world and have a tremendous sense of duty to their fellow man because of it. ~ Jewel

I was not an anthropology student prior to the war. I took it up as part of a personal readjustment following some bewildering experiences as an infantryman and later as a prisoner of war in Dresden, Germany. The science of the Study of Man has been extremely satisfactory from that personal standpoint. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

I went to karate classes where it was basically a line-up of hulking man, hulking man, small nine-year-old girl, hulking man, hulking man. ~ Rhianna Pratchett

Until the image of the black man in the mind of the black man has been changed, there will always be delinquency, parental and juvenile. The idea is not to change the attitude of the white man to the black man but to change the attitude of the black man to himself. ~ Malcolm X

Sinners in their natural state lie dead, lifeless, and moveless; they can no more believe in Christ, nor repent, than a dead man can speak or walk: but, in virtue of the promise, the Spirit of life from Christ Jesus, at the time appointed, enters into the dead soul, and quickens it; so that it is no more morally dead, but alive, having new spiritual powers put into it, that were lost by Adam's fall. ~ Thomas Boston

Do you still have the revolver you were going to shoot me with?" asked the old man on the telephone.
"Yes, I have it here."
"How much ammunition?"
"No idea. How do I find out?"
He explained. In the moonlight, she felt the bulges of the cartridges in the cylinder. "Six," she said.
"And you don't know how to use it?"
"No."
"But you are American."
"Ha-ha."
"If you do as I say, and go about it cleverly, I hope you won't need it. Unless Cesare Carnevare crosses your path, in which case please be kind enough to shoot him."
"How about the concordat?"
He laughed. "Shoot him when no one's looking. ~ Kai Meyer

Do you like eighties music, Nurse Willowes?" "Can we discuss the oldies another time?" "What? What? The oldies? I've already had a man kicking in my ribs, and now you pull out my heart." "Hey! ~ Joe Hill

And this manner of speaking of the Almighty, as one would speak of a man, is consistent with nothing but the stupidity of the Bible. ~ Thomas Paine

The man with the greatest soul will always face the greatest war with the low minded person. ~ Albert Einstein

You'd be surprised how fast things happen when the right man comes along. ~ Danielle Steel

Only by being a man or woman for others does one become fully human. ~ Pedro Arrupe

To build enormous palaces, to conquer or to mimic nature, to ransack the world in order to gratify the passions of a man, is not thought of, but to add a few yards of land to your field, to plant an orchard, or enlarge a dwelling, to always be making life more comfortable and convenient, to avoid trouble, and to satisfy the smallest wants without effort and almost without cost. These are small objects, but the soul clings to them; it dwells upon them closely and day by day, till they at last shut out the rest of the world and sometimes intervene between itself and heaven. ~ Alexis De Tocqueville