Humour Phone Call Quotes

I gotta call Vanni tonight, and tell her. I've got her all confused and totally furious ... "
"Paul, you can't tell her on the phone," Jack said.
"But - "
"Paul! She's gonna hang up on you! And then the next time you show your face, she's going to put a bullet in your head. And Walt will help her line up her shot. ~ Robyn Carr

I'm fairly certain that, at this very minute, the [Mars Polar Lander] is floating somewhere around the Neptune feeling tired and cranky and looking for a Holiday Inn.
Of course, you'd have to have a heart of titanium not to feel a twinge of sadness while watching those dejected NASA scientiest waiting by the phone like the class wallflower on prom week.
On the other hand, it was kind of fun to watch a bunch of men waiting by the phone and seeing how they feel when someone promises they'll call and then YOU NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN. ~ Celia Rivenbark

Nobody ever texts me, because they know what I'm like. I'm a constant frustration to my children because I never switch my mobile phone on. I only use it when I need to make a call or when I'm stuck somewhere or lost, then I switch it off again. I've never texted anyone in my life, and I'm not sure I even know how to. ~ Terry Wogan

I rarely use the telephone because he may not want to see me. I have a better chance of seeing the man I want to see if I do go. Besides, switchboard girls and secretaries have become very good. They've learned to take you apart. 'Who? Why? What for? What company?' You don't always get by. I seldom call on the phone. I'd rather go. ~ Ben Feldman

I needed to call him or my parents. Immediately. I rolled my eyes. Couldn't have been that important, because you'd think one of them would've picked up the phone and called me if it had been.
That was my family, though. Everyone of them felt as if they should not have to pic up the phone. They were too busy for that, too important. Even my cousin, who apparently had a shit-ton of time to send emails. ~ J. Lynn

I was working in a church in Florida as a youth intern, which means I really didn't do much other than staple stuff. I'm from Dallas, Texas, and every time my grandmother would call-she would call me any time of the day-I'd be home answering the phone. She was like, "What do you do all day?" and sarcastically I would say, "Well, I'm trying to chalk off the next year to spend time finding a band name." And she said, "Well mercy me, why don't you get a real job?" I thought, "Wait a minute. That's the perfect name." That kind of freed up my year but that's where the name came from. ~ Bart Millard

Called to give you the good news. I asked our daughter to marry me and she accepted. Congratulations, I will officially your son-in-law. Now, do you want me to call you zmum straightaway, or wait until after the wedding?"
I lew through the ir in a dive tht finally tackled him, wrenching the phone away. Bones was laughing so hard he had to breathe to get it all out.
"Mom? Are you there? Mom ... ?"
"You might want to give her a moment, Kitten. I believe she fainted. ~ Jeaniene Frost

I don't want to quit. I've always said that Clint Eastwood is one of my best friends. I've known Clint for many years and we have almost a jokey relationship about retirement. I always say: "OK Clint, are you ready to retire this year?" And he always says: "No, are you?" So, I'm waiting for the phone call where Clint says he's hanging up his spurs. That's never going to happen. If it doesn't happen for Clint, it won't happen for me. ~ Steven Spielberg

I call you once ... you never dialed back.
Twice ... you never dialed back.
Saturday morning, live, I'm on Soul Train, talkin' to Don Cornelius.

Saturday night, my phone rings ...
Saturday night, I won't answer.
Saturday night, my phone rings again ...
Saturday night, I don't answer. ~ Kool Keith

One of my favorite things about what I do for a living is that there is no certainty that, at any hour of any day, I could get a phone call that could change everything. Good or bad. I never know. ~ Samm Levine

Some musical directors have more chutzpah. They pick up the phone and talk people into giving. I prefer to call and say 'thank you' after the money has been contributed. ~ Zubin Mehta

Get your shit."
Ginger recoiled. She'd already made the choice to leave with him, but his high-handed tone infuriated her, made her want to change her mind. "You can't just demand I leave in the middle of my shift!"
"I can shut this place down with one phone call. Give me a reason to do it. Please. ~ Tessa Bailey

Greetings. There is a body buried on your property, covered in your blood. The unfortunate young lady's name is Rita Jones. You've seen this missing school-teacher's face on the news, I'm sure. In her jeans pocket you'll find a slip of paper with a phone number on it. You have one day to call that number. If I have not heard from you by 8:00 P.M. tomorrow (5/17), the Charlotte Police Department will receive an anonymous phone call. I'll tell them where Rita Jones is buried on Andrew Thomas's lakefront property, how he killed her, and where the murder weapon can be found in his house. (I do believe a paring knife is missing from your kitchen.) I hope for your sake I don't have to make that call. I've placed a property marker on the grave site. Just walk along the shoreline toward the southern boundary of your property and you'll find it. I strongly advise against going to the police, as I am always watching you. A ~ Blake Crouch

Had his room been facing west he would have noted the sparkling twenty-five-mile vista to the sea which looks almost like the Mediterranean. He would have noted how the streets of L.A. undulate over short hills as though a finger is poking the landscape from underneath. How laid over this crosshatch are streets meandering on the diagonal creating a multitude of ways to get from one place to another by traveling along the hypotenuse. These are the avenues of the tryst which enable Acting Student A to travel the eighteen miles across town to Acting Student B's garage apartment in nine minutes flat after a hot-blooded phone call at midnight. Had he been facing seaward on a balcony overlooking the city the writer might have heard drifting out of a tiny apartment window the optimistic voice of a shower singer imbued with the conviction that this is a place where it is possible to be happy. ~ Steve Martin

I write so I don't call you. ~ Jennifer Elisabeth

You've got her mad now and there's no turning back. All she has to do is go to the authorities, saying you molested her. Is that what you want? One little phone call and your life is ruined.'

'But I didn't do anything. I'm gay, remember?'

'That's not going to save you,' she said. 'Push comes to shove and who do you think they're going to believe, a nine-year-old girl or the full-grown man who gets his jollies carving little creatures out of balsa wood?'

'They're NOT little creatures!' I yelled. 'They're tool people! ~ David Sedaris

I feel called to minister to telephone marketers. You know, the kind who call at inconvenient hours and deliver their spiel before you can say a word." Immediately I flashed back to the times I have responded rudely or simply hung up. "All day long these sales callers hear people curse at them and slam the phone down," she continued. "I listen attentively to their pitch, then I try to respond kindly, though I almost never buy what they're selling. Instead, I ask about their personal life and whether they have any concerns I can pray for. Often they ask me to pray with them over the phone, and sometimes they are in tears. They're people, after all, probably underpaid, and they're surprised when someone treats them with common courtesy. ~ Philip Yancey

I'd appreciate a phone call before you try to break into my office again-Matthew Carter ~ Natasha Larry

All it takes for us to be guilty of theft is one misspent hour at work; one item we "forgot" to return from the office; one personal long-distance phone call we made at the company's expense; one overpriced item in our store. We see our sinless Lord, crucified for thieves not unlike the one hanging next to Him. Here was one person who never took what did not belong to Him, and who fulfilled all His obligations and paid debts He did not owe, and yet He hangs here next to a common thief, bearing His shame and guilt before God as though He had committed the crime. The thief crucified next to our Lord may have experienced the wrath of Rome that dark Friday afternoon, but because of the crucifixion of a Man just feet from him, he would not have to endure the wrath of heaven. All thieves who trust in Christ can expect to hear those same words on their death-bed from the spotless Lamb: "Today you shall be with me in Paradise. ~ Michael S. Horton

He backed away from me, clutching the phone to his chest. "What?"
"Gimme the phone," I commanded, holding out my hand.
His head dropped solemnly. "I am on a very important call."
"Yes, about me," I said, reaching for it. "Now give it."
He shrank away and eyed the room anxiously. "Damn, I knew I should have kept a spare roll of duct tape somewhere. ~ Karina Halle

I saw a close friend of mine the other day ... He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know ... my calendar has no sevens on it." ~ Steven Wright

Everyone collects souvenirs, whether they call them that or not. They're evidence that we've taken part in the great dance of life – been places, seen things. They're connections between us and something grander and more eternal than we are. And they belong to us. Tourists shooting blurry mobile-phone-camera snapshots of the 'Mona Lisa' or Niagara Falls want to prove they were there, not to have art to hang on their walls. ~ Michael Hughes

Sales and theater have much in common. Both take guts. Salespeople pick up the phone and call strangers; actors walk onto the stage in front of them. Both invite rejection - for salespeople, slammed doors, ignored calls, and a pile of nos; for actors, a failed audition, an unresponsive audience, a scathing review. And both have evolved along comparable trajectories. ~ Daniel H. Pink

Time hangs suspended, and yet it's about to end. Death should be a seduction, not a rape. Given one more minute he could do so much. Even the guilty are allowed to make a phone call, send a message. How alive he feels, how brightly he shines, like a lit fuse, a firecracker about to go off. What he wouldn't give for a minute more, just one ordinary minute tacked cudely onto the end of his life. ~ A.S.A Harrison

This was 1991, remember. We didn't have the Internet. So, as teenagers, we lived on the phone. There was no webcamming, no social networking. We dreamt simply of having our own personal phone lines one day, along with uninterrupted hours to talk, and we rarely got that. No matter who we were talking to, no matter how private the conversation, parents picked up the phone accidentally, siblings demanded their time. The introduction of call waiting made all of this even worse, as it allowed aunts and uncles and people you didn't even know to butt in. This is part of why we talked so late in the night, Lindy and I, all of us teens. This is why we looked so pale in our grunge clothes. These night hours were the only times we felt we could tell the truth without danger, the only times we could live separately from our parents while still inside of their homes. There were no cell phones. No private text messages. It was simple one on one conversation and, if it was any good at all, you had to whisper. ~ M.O. Walsh

I hate smug people."
Ros laughed. "That you do. And so you're using his phone. He'll explode, you know."
"Oh, it'll be bad. 'Cause I made all the phone calls on my list."
There was a pause. "No. You didn't."
"I did."
"Fifty-one phone calls on the off-limits phone?" "Yup."
"Did you fall down the stairs or something? What is wrong with you?! ~ Kelly Batten

My family's still loves my music. Every time they hear me on the radio they call my phone - my grandma even called me: "I hear you on the radio!" I'm like, "Grandma, you listen to that and you be in church?" ~ Young Chop

The final phone call that said we're going to be picked up again was just a miracle. We've overcome the impossible and we're still pushing forward. I know John is smiling and so happy that he gets to watch us on TV. ~ Kaley Cuoco

said Sophie, "and I'll give you a call." "I'll be waiting by the phone," said Winston. "You carry your phone in your pocket," she teased. "Yes, well, that proves it, then." - ~ Charlie Lovett

Trouble in our family is spelled with a capital C and has been as long as I can remember. The C stands for Charles. He's my older brother, two years and four months older to be exact. Ever since the phone call about him last night, I've felt incredibly tense. And now, at this very minute, my parents are driving up to Vermont, to Charles's boarding school, to find out if he's actually been kicked out or if he's just been suspended again. I ~ Judy Blume

She turns in the doorway. "Oh, and Galen?"
"Yes, ma'am?"
"Have your mother call me so I can get her number programmed into my phone."
"Yes, ma'am."
"You kids have a good time. I won't be home until late, Emma. But you'll be home by nine, sweetie. Won't she, Galen?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Neither Emma nor Galen say anything until they hear the car pull out of the driveway. Even then, they wait a few more seconds. Emma leans against the fridge. Galen is growing fond of hiding his hands in his pockets.
"So, what did you two chitchat about?" she asks as if uninterested.
"You first."
She shakes her head. "Uh-uh. I don't want to talk about it."
He nods. "Good. Me neither."
For a few seconds, they look at everything in the room but each other. Finally, Galen says, "So, did you want to go change-"
"That idea is fan-flipping-tastic. Be right down." She almost breaks into a run to get to the stairs. ~ Anna Banks

As an actor, you're like, 'Yeah, I want that phone call from Peter Jackson saying, 'You're my first choice for Thorin Oakenshield.' ~ Richard C. Armitage

You ever notice if you call someones cell phone they won't answer but if you text them seconds later they will. The Power of your Thumbs compels You! ~ Stanley Victor Paskavich

I'll be with my sister. And believe it or not, she has a phone and everything. She stopped using smoke signals last year. - Nana ~ Nicholas Sparks