Diane Vaughan Quotes

Uncoupling is primarily a tale of two transitions: one that begins before the other. Most often, one person wants out while the other person wants the relationship to continue. Although both partners must go through all the same stages of the transition in order to uncouple, the transition begins and ends at different times for each. By the time the still-loving partner realizes the relationship is in serious trouble, the other person is already gone in a number of ways. The rejected partner then embarks on a transition that the other person began long before. ~ Diane Vaughan

Then I didn't think much about it, I just did it. I started wearing some of the things he left behind, especially his bathrobe, some shirts too, but only in the house. I read his books, I am embarrassed at this. I also did some things to the place I knew he would like. He always complained about my plants, so I got rid of them. It seems strange to think about it now, but at the time I found some comfort in it. [ACCOUNTANT, AGE 38, SEPARATED AFTER LIVING TOGETHER 13 YEARS] ~ Diane Vaughan

To speak of a communication failure implies a breakdown of some sort. Yet this does not accurately portray what occurs. In truth, communication difficulties arise not from breakdown but from the characteristics of the system itself. Despite promising beginnings in our intimate relationships, we tend over time to evolve a system of communication that suppresses rather than reveals information. Life is complicated, and confirming or disconfirming the well-being of a relationship takes effort. Once we are comfortably coupled, the intense, energy-consuming monitoring of courtship days is replaced by a simpler, more efficient method. Unable to witness our partners' every activity or verify every nuance of meaning, we evolve a communication system based on trust. We gradually cease our attentive probing, relying instead on familiar cues and signals to stand as testament to the strength of the bond: the words "I love you," holidays with the family, good sex, special times with shared friends, the routine exchange, "How was your day?" We take these signals as representative of the relationship and turn our monitoring energies elsewhere.
...
Not only do the initiator's negative signals tend to become incorporated into the existing routine, but, paradoxically, the initiator actively contributes to the impression that life goes on as usual. Even as they express their unhappiness, initiators work at emphasizing and maintaining the routine aspects of life with the other person, ~ Diane Vaughan

We all are secret-keepers in our intimate relationships. We keep secrets from our partners about daily encounters, former lovers, true feelings about sex, friends, in-laws, finances, personal hopes, and worries about work, health, love, and life. It may be, in fact, that keeping these secrets makes all relationships possible. If our partners knew every thought, every nuance of our selves, our relationships would run the risk of succumbing from either constant turmoil or - perhaps worse - a tedious matter-of-factness devoid of surprises. Whatever their contribution to the maintenance of our unions, secrets also contribute to their collapse. ~ Diane Vaughan

Mourning is essential to uncoupling, as it is to any significant leavetaking. Uncoupling is a transition into a different lifestyle, a change of life course which, whether we recognize and admit it in the early phases or not, is going to be made without the other person. We commit ourselves to relationships expecting them to last, however. In leaving behind a significant person who shares a portion of our life, we experience a loss. ~ Diane Vaughan

I knew that I was in better shape than she was because I was the one who pushed for the split. Still, even a year later I was still very vulnerable to her actions. If I saw her at the supermarket, or someone brought her name up, or if she called about something, which she seemed to do pretty often - like she was trying to find stuff to talk to me about, did I see the exhibit, so-and-so called, the dog got sick, you know - I was always upset by it, by talking to her, being reminded of her. I just wanted it to be over and it just took a long time for that to happen, for that connection to be broken. [DENTAL ASSISTANT, AGE 27, SEPARATED AFTER LIVING TOGETHER 3 YEARS] ~ Diane Vaughan

...for no matter whether the relationship was of short or long duration, no matter whether the partners were rich or poor, gay or straight, young or old, living together or married, giving up the relationship was hard for both people. ~ Diane Vaughan

My concern always has been with how - not why - people make transitions out of relationships. Many times the people I talked to did not understand why themselves. Even when they thought they knew, the reasons changed, so that what seemed to explain it at one time often did not seem important six months later. ~ Diane Vaughan

Uncoupling is a dramatic life event, whose importance is reflected in the eagerness of people to discuss their relationships even years later. Indeed, in attempting to put the story in chronological order, there was no one who was not visited again by sorrow and loss in the telling of it, regardless of the passage of time. ~ Diane Vaughan

We need to encourage designers and agencies to be responsible. We need to make sure everyone is sensitive to the issues. But to calculate the girls' body mass - I personally think it is demeaning. ~ Diane Von Furstenberg

As the president of the Council of Fashion Designers of America, I represent the designers. And while we can by no means take the blame for eating disorders, we can play our part in addressing this important issue. ~ Diane Von Furstenberg

My mother wasn't a stickler for the more practical approaches to life. ~ Diane Keaton

Readers," continued Miss Winter, "are fools. They believe all writing is autobiographical. And so it is, but not in the way they think. The writer's life needs time to rot away before it can be used to nourish a work of fiction. It must be allowed to decay. That's why I couldn't have journalists and biographers rummaging around in my past, retrieving bits and pieces of it, preserving it in their words. To write my books, I needed my past left in peace, for time to do its work. ~ Diane Setterfield

It would be hard. After all, I'm working. I'm a mother. Number one, I'm a mother & housewife, so there's the house kind of chores. In the evenings, I might attend some meeting, & then late at night, I would be either writing to the brothers & sisters in prison or working on the leaflets of their cases. Then on the weekend, at least every other weekend, we'd visit the political prisoners...I mean everybody has their whole life & things they have to do at home. But I'll tell you, we were busy during this time. Every week, more brothers & sisters would be arrested. We were working on scores of cases at the same time--trying to keep up with visiting, writing, attending court hearings. If I could show you all the leaflets we made, you'd get an idea of how expansive the work was. ~ Diane C. Fujino

I'm not going to stand here and be eaten by some bitch's dinosaur. I am finally doing something with my life. ~ Brian K. Vaughan

Music is the reaching out towards the utmost realities by means of ordered sound. ~ Ralph Vaughan Williams

For me, the subject of the picture is always more important than the picture. ~ Diane Arbus

Don't be afraid of your own strength. ~ Diane Von Furstenberg

Like flies in amber, like corpses frozen in ice, that which according to the laws of nature should pass away is, by the miracle of ink on paper, preserved. It is a kind of magic. As one tends the graves of the dead, so I tend the books. And every day I open a volume or two, read a few lines or pages, allow the voices of the forgotten dead to resonate inside my head. ~ Diane Setterfield

What?' Diane was enjoying listening to Cecil. She loved the end of his show, when he said, 'Good night, Night Vale, good night.' No matter how difficult her life was or how troublesome the news he was reporting, his voice and his sign-off put her at such ease. ~ Joseph Fink

I am human. Like all humans, I do not remember my birth. By the time we wake up to ourselves, we are little children, and our advent is something that happened an eternity ago, at the beginning of time. We live like latecomers to the theater; we must catch up as best we can, divining the begging from the shape of later events. - Vida Winter ~ Diane Setterfield

I'm not heart-broken if I don't have a hit. But I guess a hit would help. It makes the money go up a bit. ~ Sarah Vaughan

Brubaker and Phillipss books have always been about eight years ahead of their time. ~ Brian K. Vaughan

What should we think of someone who never admits error, never entertains doubt but adheres unflinchingly to the same ideas all his life, regardless of new evidence? Doubt and skepticism are signs of rationality. When we are too certain of our opinions, we run the risk of ignoring any evidence that conflicts with our views. It is doubt that shows we are still thinking, still willing to reexamine hardened beliefs when confronted with new facts and new evidence. ~ Diane Ravitch

It's definitely true that Stevie Ray Vaughan is one of my all-time favorite guitarists. ~ Kirk Hammett

Social Security is a program that should be strengthened and preserved for future generations. ~ Diane Watson

Real change will only happen when we fall in love with our planet. Only love can show us how to live in harmony with nature and with each other and save us from the devastating effects of environmental destruction and climate change ~ Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee

The little black dress is the true friend ... she travels with you ... is patient and constant ... you go to her when you don't know where else to go and she is ALWAYS reliable and timeless. ~ Diane Von Furstenberg

Men are but children of a larger growth, Our appetites as apt to change as theirs, And full as craving too, and full as vain. ~ Diane Arbus

You'll never have any mental muscle if you don't have any heavy stuff to pick up. ~ Diane Lane

Bali and the Aman resorts are all very luxurious, great places to go. ~ Diane Von Furstenberg

I have always been a nomad and I have mastered the art of packing! I always say: pack lightly, live lightly. ~ Diane Von Furstenberg

I'm delighted to be joining INVESCO, an organization that has been growing both in terms of assets under management and the breadth of investment capabilities offered. I see great potential in working with the accomplished investment centers within INVESCO and providing expertise to help develop strategic solutions for our clients. ~ Diane Garnick

It's so acceptably easy for a woman not to strive too hard, not to be too adventure-crazed, not to take too many risks, not to enjoy sex with full candor ... It isn't seemly for a woman to have that much zest. ~ Diane Ackerman

I figured out how to get the guitar to rumble ... I put it on the middle pickup, turn the tone know down, grab it by the wang bar, and just shake it on the floor ... a Stratocaster is pretty tough - I wouldn't recommend that anybody do that with their ES-335 ~ Stevie Ray Vaughan

Below us somewhere in the gelatinous phantasmagoria of churning blue, the whales wouldn't be much aware of the storm. ~ Diane Ackerman

Social Security makes up a much larger share of total retirement income for unmarried women and minorities than it does for married couples, unmarried men and whites. ~ Diane Watson

What is perfection, anyway? It's the death of creativity, that's what I think, while change on the other hand, is the cornerstone of new ideas. God knows I want new ideas and new experiences ~ Diane Keaton

Our mistakes are legion, but our talent is immeasurable. ~ Diane Ackerman

I don't really know how to relate to a long-term day-in day-out kind of comfortable relationship. ~ Diane Lane

I do not believe in a religion that cannot wipe out the widow's tears or bring a piece of bread to the orphan's mouth. ~ Bill Vaughan

Every man who becomes heartily and understandingly a channel of the Divine beneficence is enriched through every league of his life. Perennial satisfaction springs around and within him with perennial verdure. Flowers of gratitude and gladness bloom all along his pathway, and the melodious gurgle of the blessings be bears is echoed back by the melodious waves of the recipient stream. ~ Bill Vaughan

I grew up
where the family of butterflies
the Silver Cloud
is native. ~ Diane Wakoski

The trees at Cloudwalk have been my friends for forty years. I'm sure if I were sawed in half, our rings would match. ~ Diane Von Furstenberg

Much of what she found charming and refreshing about him at the outset of their relationship now bugged the hell out of her. ~ Diane Schoemperlen

I'm not like normal people. I'm no good at relationships. I draw drama to me - it's the Jew in me. ~ Diane Warren

I really feel like the first day I went to drama school and I went up on stage, that I found my vocation. It's kind of a cliched thing to say but I really feel like it was what I was meant to do. ~ Diane Kruger

Wagner used to read the libretti of his operas to his friends; I am glad I was not there. ~ Ralph Vaughan Williams

Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be. ~ Bill Vaughan

You can learn any accent you want. It's a fascinating thing. ~ Diane Kruger

I pushed my pile of papers to one side, stroked Shadow and stared into the fire, longing for the comfort of a story where everything had been planned well in advance, where the confusion of the middle was invented only for my enjoyment, and where I could measure how far away the solution was by feeling the thickness of pages still to come. I had no idea how many pages it would take to complete the story of Emmeline and Adeline, nor even whether there would be time to complete it. ~ Diane Setterfield

I was pretty good at picking up new languages when I was little, but it's not like I had superpowers or anything.
Kids just have an easier time with words. ~ Brian K. Vaughan

I don't just do power ballads. I have a lot of up-tempo stuff, too - like 'Can't Fight the Moonlight.' ~ Diane Warren

I'm on time even when I try not to be. ~ Diane Kruger

It's important to leave your face without makeup for a while after waking up ... Let your skin breathe a while before applying your makeup, even if it means waking up a bit earlier. ~ Diane Von Furstenberg

I said that Mrs Obama has been extremely supportive of American designers, but clearly we were disappointed that she chose to wear a British designer for the state dinner ... From there, I was so embarrassed that I am definitely going to write to her. She has been super supportive to American designers. ~ Diane Von Furstenberg