Condensable Toilet Quotes

The COVID-19 pandemic has made abstaining from butt wiping fashionable. ~ Steven Magee

[Dessie's] shop was a unique institution in Salinas. It was a woman's world. Here all the rules, and the fears that created the iron rules, went down. The door was closed to men. It was a sanctuary where women could be themselves- smelly, wanton, mystic, conceited, truthful, and interested. The whalebone corsets came off at Dessie's, the sacred corsets that moulded and warped woman-flesh into goddess-flesh. At Dessie's they were women who went to the toilet and overate and scratched and farted. And from this freedom came laughter, roars of laughter. ~ John Steinbeck

After two weeks of feeling dead numb, I decided the sewage system needed the pills more than I did, so I flushed them all down the toilet. ~ Kate Ellison

...I have test... "I wanna to make a screenshot of this... on the board..."...
"Can I go to the toilet?"...
Hahaha... this fucking people... I'm going to cheat and nobody can do anything about that! ~ Deyth Banger

There was a naked jock on my bed and a thing with tentacles coming out of my toilet. One of these things did not belong, and if you tell me that it was the naked jock, you shouldn't be reading this story. ~ Johnny Murdoc

Thanks for staying with me last night," I said, stroking Toto's soft fur. "You didn't have to sleep on the bathroom floor."
"Last night was one of the best nights of my life."
I turned to see his expression. When I saw that he was serious, I shot him a dubious look. "Sleeping in between the toilet and the tub on a cold, hard tile floor with a vomiting idiot was one of your best nights? That's sad, Trav."
"No, sitting up with you when you're sick, and you falling asleep in my lap was one of my best nights. It wasn't comfortable, I didn't sleep worth a shit, but I brought in your nineteenth birthday with you, and you're actually pretty sweet when you're drunk."
"I'm sure between the heaving and purging I was very charming."
He pulled me close, patting Toto who was snuggled up to my neck. "You're the only woman I know that still looks incredible with your head in the toilet. That's saying something. ~ Jamie McGuire

Son, never trust a man who doesn't drink because he's probably a self-righteous sort, a man who thinks he knows right from wrong all the time. Some of them are good men, but in the name of goodness, they cause most of the suffering in the world. They're the judges, the meddlers. And, son, never trust a man who drinks but refuses to get drunk. They're usually afraid of something deep down inside, either that they're a coward or a fool or mean and violent. You can't trust a man who's afraid of himself. But sometimes, son, you can trust a man who occasionally kneels before a toilet. The chances are that he is learning something about humility and his natural human foolishness, about how to survive himself. It's damned hard for a man to take himself too seriously when he's heaving his guts into a dirty toilet bowl. ~ James Crumley

Last night was one of the best nights of my life."

"Sleeping in between the toilet an the tub on a cold, hard tile floor with a vomiting idiot was one of our best nights? That's sad, Trav. ~ Jamie McGuire

I have a strong memory of my early childhood. I can remember life before I was two. I remember being toilet-trained like it was last week - and it wasn't last week. ~ Caroll Spinney

Wow." She reached for a black pillow decorated with a big sparkly skull and hugged it. "So romantic."
I made a face, because who the hell wanted to be a romantic? Then I couldn't look past the skull pillow. "Tell me something, sis. Why do we have to make skulls cute? Some things shouldn't be messed with. Guns, for example. Toilets ... toilet paper ... guns ... They should just stay functional. Sparkle-free."
She rolled her eyes. "Please. If I had a bedazzled toilet, I'd love it and so would you. Don't even try to deny it. You'd love a fancy can."
I did deny it, which led to a healthy debate. ~ Veronica Rossi

Everyone absolutely knows what a strawberry tastes like, even if you are allergic to them. Everyone absolutely knows what the toilet flushing sounds like. Everyone absolutely scratches their mosquito bites. And I know that I was absolutely ready to die. This wasn't a cry for help. I didn't want to be saved. I was ready to call it quits. Done. Terminado. ~ Kimberly Russell

There's a stereotype of what we are all meant to find attractive and erotic, but I don't neatly fall into those categories. Satin lingerie, a heart-shaped tub, flowers and champagne don't turn me on. You shouldn't be scrubbed clean before you have sex. I hate boys who are frightened of pee and shit and menstrual blood. I say no to boys who want to wake up next to a fully made-up woman. I say no to boys who prefer stockings and garters to perfect nudity. Who wants a boy who won't kiss you when you've just been sick? I want a man who will let me pee in his belly button. I want a man to accept the beast in me. I don't want a man who thinks the woman of his dreams doesn't go to the toilet. One does, you know. ~ Shirley Manson

It wasn't that I couldn't write. I wrote every day. I actually worked really hard at writing. At my desk by 7 A.M., would work a full eight and more. Scribbled at the dinner table, in bed, on the toilet, on the No. 6 train, at Shea Stadium. I did everything I could. But none of it worked. ~ Junot Diaz

Over the years our mother has beaten us with belts, shoes, rulers, extension cords, hair brushes, a wooden spoon, a fly swatter, a toilet brush, wire coat hangers, wooden coat hangers and sometimes one of our own toys. When you get whacked by your own paddleball paddle or you have to watch your sister getting spanked with a badminton racquet that she asked Santa Claus (AKA Grandma) to bring, you don't feel much like playing with those things ever again. ~ Bob Thurber

I didn't know what else to do. So now I'm here, my pride in the toilet, hoping I can stay in my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend's bachelor pad, and I want to kill myself. And I can suffer through that if it means James will be safe. But right now I'm still waiting for your shithead of a boyfriend to show up and try to kill me. ~ Tahereh Mafi

This guy was making me tired. "Thanks for the afternoon's entertainment," I said. "I'll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days. ~ John Swartzwelder

Each civilization may choose one of two roads to travel, that is, either fret itself to death, or pet itself to death. And in the course of doing one or the other, it eats its way into the Universe, turning cinders and flinders of stars into toilet seats, pegs, gears, cigarette holders and pillowcases, and it does this because, unable to fathom the Universe, it seeks to change that Fathomlessness into Something Fathomable. ~ Stanislaw Lem

Go ahead then. Might as well wipe your ass with a doomed office romance before you flush your career down the toilet. You know it'll happen. ~ Claire Gillian

Don't you just hate it how people say 'I'm pressed' or 'I want to ease myself' when they want to go to the bathroom?" Doris asked. Ifemelu laughed. "I know!" "I guess 'bathroom' is very American. But there's 'toilet,' 'restroom,' 'the ladies.' " "I never liked 'the ladies.' I like 'toilet.' " "Me too!" Doris said. "And don't you just hate it when people here use 'on' as a verb? On the light!" "You know what I can't stand? When people say 'take' instead of 'drink.' I will take wine. I don't take beer." "Oh God, I know! ~ Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

But, dear God, don't listen to me. I'm an old lady in the middle of nowhere without a real toilet. ~ Deb Caletti

It's like leaving the bathroom with a piece of toilet paper hanging from my pants. ~ Krista Ritchie

My kingdom for a flush toilet. ~ Lisa Tawn Bergren

Go dangle your withered parts over the toilet!' Ignatius screamed savagely. ~ John Kennedy Toole

I can't admit it to anyone except maybe Maureen, but I want all that mundane shit too. Grocery shopping and arguing over which toilet paper to buy and standing next to each other at the sink doing dishes after dinner. I know it's corny as fuck but I want that corny shit in my life. ~ Rocklyn Ryder

The wide screen reminds me of a roll of toilet paper. ~ Yasujiro Ozu

I'd finally in up in jail for a murder I really did commit. Amazing how fate can work against us sometimes. We like the think we're the center of the Solar System, everything revolving around. More likely, we're the center of the vortex when we flush the toilet. ~ Victor Gischler

Her mother began to pick apart the toilet paper covering her gift. 'I suppose, she said brightly, 'we should be grateful this hasn't been used before as well! ~ Wendy Holden

If you could not close a door behind you to take a shit in the city - even if it was just the door to a shared toilet - if this one, most essential freedom was taken away from you, the freedom, that is, to withdraw from other people when necessity called, then all other freedoms were worthless. Then life had no more meaning. Then it would be better to be dead. ~ Patrick Suskind

Audiences are tearing down the stereotypes that Hollywood has promoted for so long. You don't have to be blonde-haired or blue-eyed to be a sex symbol. Black actors can play more than just the funny or stupid characters. Latinas are not just prostitutes or toilet cleaners… you get the point. ~ Jeetendr Sehdev

I couldn't help but notice no one was grabbing toilet paper. That would be the first thing I grabbed if I thought it was the end of the world ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Taking care a white babies, that's what I do, along with all the cooking and the cleaning. I done raised seventeen kids in my lifetime. I know how to get them babies to sleep, stop crying, and go in the toilet bowl before they mamas even get out a bed in the morning. ~ Kathryn Stockett

My goal is that after seeing 'Grand Canyon,' every person in the audience will go home knowing they have to conserve water: even something as simple as installing a low-flow toilet or showerhead, or turning off the faucet while they're brushing their teeth. ~ Greg MacGillivray

I hear phonetically on the phone. Toiletries sounds like toilet trees to me. ~ Jarod Kintz

With what hope can we endeavor to persuade the ladies that the time spent at the toilet is lost in vanity. ~ Samuel Johnson

I was the only westerner to succeed in a place that's like a toilet, and you always come out of a toilet with a smell. ~ David Reuben

Ah, the painful truth: Fate was a cosmic toilet. It was the nature of the universe to flush sluggish things that failed to exercise free will. Stasis was stagnancy. Change was velocity. Fate - a sniper that preferred a motionless target to a dancing one. ~ Karen Marie Moning

I must admit, the constant invasion of privacy was becoming a real concern. I've been asked for autographs while I've been doing laps in the pool and even in the toilet! ~ Rick Astley