Will Durst Famous Quotes
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I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.
In San Francisco, Haloween is redundant.
When people talk about how in America, anybody can grow up to be President, I'm not sure George Bush is exactly what they had in mind.
It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point.
Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.
It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.
Walter Mondale has all the charisma of a speed bump.
You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.
The administration says the American people want tax cuts. Well, duh. The American people also want drive-through nickel beer night. The American people want to lose weight by eating ice cream. The American people love the Home Shopping Network because it's commercial-free.
There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.
I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian.
The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.
Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.
President Bush says we've turned the corner in Iraq. What is that, about 16 corners we've turned? I think they call that running in circles.
In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.
