Samantha Bee Quotes

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.

Everybody is agreeing so tersely. I just had a flashback to the month before my parents finally admitted they were getting a divorce.

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage.

The best part about poker is there's no down side.

I can agree in principle that it's the thought that counts when giving or getting gifts, but I would also like to point out that "if there's no thought...it doesn't count." I don't wish to be reminded that you didn't want to take the time to get to know me, or perhaps you have even known me my whole life and simply don't care about me. All I ask is that you not rub my face in it.

I am a cookbook fanatic.

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.

Sex with my first boyfriend was a little bit like learning how to put in a tampon, but only half as enjoyable!

I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is.

It's not every day people fly you to New York for auditions.

When you're presented with an opportunity, if you don't act out of pure passion and pure authenticity, you're squandering it.

Our family car was the antithesis of designs and desirability. It was like driving Hitler's moustache.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.

My apartment is the equivalent of one room in my Toronto home. Now I understand why New Yorkers are on the streets at all hours. People don't want to stay inside for fear they'll go crazy.

I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information.

And since I was basically being raised by senior citizens at the time, my physical activity was limited to driving around the park to look at the trees, driving to the lake to look at the lake, and driving to the mall to look at coats that were "car length." My

It's great when you have people who will speak passionately and honestly about what they are doing.

If it wasn't for what goes on in the world of politics, we wouldn't really have much of a show.

I'm shy, but I'm not clinically shy. I don't have social anxiety disorder or anything like that. I more have a gentle shyness. Like, I have a little trouble mingling at parties.

You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask.

If I could live in New York the rest of my life, I absolutely would, but it's also prohibitively expensive and you have to be working. New York is a lot nicer when you have a job.