Peter Sagal Quotes

We're excited for when Sony greenlights the $50 million film a "Bunch Of Swirling Colors" starring George Clooney and a lava lamp.

With two years till the nomination, both [Joe] Biden and [Hillary] Clinton are positioning themselves to be the Democratic nominee. And are they stressing their experience, their ideas, their excellent hair? No. They've been talking about their poverty.

If the internet has taught us anything, it's that you want less news and more cats.

We runners talk about having fun but I don't think anybody believes us. We talk about discipline and endurance, we take care, we exercise caution, we watch our diets and monitor our pace. We are ascetics who talk, unconvincingly, of the bracing enjoyment of self-abuse.

Buddhism - Tibetan Buddhism - teaches us many things, peace comes from within, we must be free ourselves from earthly desires.

On Valentine's Day, couples in Calgary can celebrate their love for each other with couples' nude yoga - great way to get in shape and see a side of your partner you've never seen before and never want to see again.

Utah is close to becoming the latest state to legalize medical marijuana.But one DEA agent raised the alarm in front of the Utah legislature. He warned them that rabbits might eat the weed. And then what would you have? You'd have a bunch of weed-crazed rabbits running around. They'd run rampant in the state's cornfields and taco orchards.

We love things with biting - "Twilight" movies, zombie movies, eating.

In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.

There's a common saying that everybody deep at heart loves their mother, except sometimes we decide our actual mothers don't measure up. And so we look for a replacement.

Women are using makeup to make their eyes look puffy, their noses look red, and instead of going to the gym, they start their day with a brisk walk of shame.

Hillary Clinton, told a reporter that she and Bill aren't truly well-off, even though they're incredibly rich because they pay income taxes like everybody else. In fact, she says, they were so poor when they left the White House, they could hardly afford Bill's website memberships.

Perhaps you would like to start running. You never have tried before, or you did and you hated it, and now you wonder how to begin moving in a way that will keep you going. Get up. Start. Go. Move. Take a rusty first step, like the Tin Man. You will squeak. Go.

The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse.

We amateur athletes are peculiarly devoted to our fitness, and our obsessions can sometimes be a burden to our loved ones and a mystery to everyone else.

Former Sony CEO Amy Pascal - they threw her out of the headquarters, but they gave her a new office on the lot. But she can't move into it because it reeks of pot smoke. Apparently, this is true, the former tenant was Seth Rogan. And he, as we know, smokes so much weed, when he finally exhales, it looks like there's a new pope.

Sometimes you just have to get out there and just help somebody face to face.

In a surprising unanimous ruling, the Supreme Court ruled the police cannot search what is on your phone without a warrant. Court observers said a unanimous decision from this court was slightly less likely than Scalia winning the annual Supreme Court wet robe contest.

After Luis Suarez of Uruguay bit an Italian opponent in the shoulder, two things happened. Suarez was thrown out of the rest of the tournament, and the player he bit turned Uruguayan.

NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.

In the ruling, Justice Roberts, who wrote the decision, referred to cell phones as not just phones but, quote, "cameras, video players, rolodexes, calendars, tape recorders, libraries, and diaries," unquote. Plus, he went on, best friends, lovers ...

I am now gay 'cause I have watched Ronaldo.