Kevin Nealon Quotes

I was never really an impressionist. If there was somebody within my range, maybe I could work on it and do a little exaggeration of them - which I think is really the way to do an impression.

Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.

I see the love in my child's eyes when he sees me, and I know it's gigantic. As an older person, I've been in love before, and I've loved, but this is really an immense, out-of-control-proportion amount of love that you can't even describe.

Any time you do an Adam Sandler film, it's kind of like a boys' club, because you're hanging out and there are guitars around, and basketballs and footballs and electric bikes and scooters and different people dropping by.

As an actor, you're always reading scripts looking for something good.

If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.

As you get older, subconsciously you start thinking about mortality and protecting your offspring. It opens up a whole new avenue of life experiences.

What happened was, I always wanted to be a singer/songwriter kind of guy like a James Taylor or Crosby, Stills and Nash type of thing; I went to a lot of coffee houses and used to watch all those guys, but I never had the nerve to get up and do it because singing seems so personal and intimate to me. It was too revealing.

I think people really appreciate clever commercials, as do I. I think they're very entertaining. You just have to wade through all the garbage. That's one of the reasons people watch the Super Bowl. A lot of them watch it to see the commercials and not the actual game.

Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.

I was born in St. Louis; I lived there for three weeks and then my father graduated from St. Louis University, so we all got in the car and split. I don't really remember much. I grew up in Connecticut most of my life and then four years in Germany. My father worked for a helicopter company, so we went over there.

I think Little Nicky was a divergence from the films Adam Sandler was used to doing, and he was taking a risk. I admire him for doing that.

I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate.

"Bruce" was an Eddie Murphy film, so there was a whole different vibe, working on that film, as opposed to working on a [Adam] Sandler film, which I'd done a few of. First of all, there were tons of kids running around. I'm surprised I ever had a kid after doing that film.

When you discover that you are going to have a child, it stirs up memories of your own childhood.

I look back at 'Saturday Night Live' and I think, some people didn't like me doing 'Weekend Update.' Who cares? A lot of people did. When you're reaching that many people, you're not going to have everybody like you.

Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing.

I have a severe addiction to 'Angry Birds.' I always tell myself, 'One more game ... ' But then there's always another and another and another.

I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

Me and Conan O'Brien and Robert Smigel and Dana Carvey wrote a script called 'Hans and Franz: The Girlyman Dilemma,' and it was going to be co-produced with Arnold Schwarzenegger, and he was going to co-star in it. We had a deal with Sony, we got paid to write it, and it was a musical, but it never got made because ... I think Arnold kind of backed out at the last minute because he was getting cold feet because ;The Last Action Hero' had come out, where he was parodying himself. But it was a really funny script, and I wish it could've seen the light, because I think it would've done really well.

I enjoyed living in New York City, I liked the premise of the show [ Saturday Night Live], I liked working with a different host every week and different musicians. I always thought, "This is great. I never expected to get this in the first place, so I'm just happy being here."

There's so many vegetarian foods now that are available at the market . The same with drive-throughs. Now, a lot of them serve veggie burgers just like the restaurants are doing. So, it's really very easy.

I tried to read the Bible, I did, but it always felt like a much less awesome Lord of the Rings.

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

I played a security guard, and I think it was in the State Department. This was my first acting role, really, and I remember rehearsing it on the couch with my girlfriend at the time. I had a real problem with saying the word "incendiary." Most of my rehearsal was spent on pronouncing the word "incendiary."

It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold!

When I would see my friends with their kids, I was envious that you can use children to get out of just about anything. If you don't feel like going to a dinner party, you could say, 'My kid's sick. I can't make it.' Who's gonna argue with you?

The ethical argument regarding abortion hinges on the question of when life begins. Some believe life begins at forty.

When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together.

I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

It is unconscionable for children in our prosperous country, or anywhere for that matter, to go without food. I implore everyone to contact their local and state representatives to encourage action to end hunger.

I like to stuff myself at Thanksgiving, not turkeys.

When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from 'Saturday Night Live.'

I am whelmed, and not overly whelmed, just whelmed about a lot of facets in life - just how fragile life is and the different challenges you have in life, phobias about things.

I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them.

I've noticed a surge when I go out somewhere, or if I'm doing stand-up.

Standup really is a young man's game, a single young man's game. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't single, it was hard to be on the road because you go through relationships because your girlfriend kinda got tired of you being gone.

I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version.

I went to school for marketing and advertising, so I have a special interest in good and funny commercials and why they work and why they're funny - which is one of the reasons I, like many people, like watching the Super Bowl, besides the game.

The good thing about Weeds now is, I get to play some dramatic parts in that as well.

When I first began doing TV pilots, my expectations were high. I didn't understand that world. So when 'Weeds' took off, I was so happy. Especially as I was just a guest star in the pilot. But once it got picked up, they made me a regular cast member.