Jack Black Quotes

I think of myself as an entertainment arsenal. Like I have my acting bazooka and my music machete. And you don't know what I'm going to come at you with.

I remember I prayed to God. I was like, "Just let me be on TV." Let my friends see me on TV in a good thing. I like, if I'm funny a little bit on a commercial and then I don't need to act ever again. "Just let them see me." And then it worked. I got the commercial. I was on TV. My friends all saw me. I was a kind of a star at school for like three days. And then it faded away and I was hungry and I had to like make another deal with God. I remember it still.

She could say 'no' quicker than any woman I ever knew, and none of them ever meant 'yes'.

I say they had character because, while they did wrong things, they always tried to do them in the right way and at the right time.

People scream at me, "Hey, let's party." I give off an I'm-crazy-and-I-want-to-arty-and-wrestle-you vibe.

I like being married. I'm at home with my wife and kids all the time now. I don't go out for wild nights.

Tenacious D loves Auntie Em's. Her delicious nutrients are always energizing and indie-fresh. Where does she find those unbelievable recipes? Somewhere over the rainbow?

I'm fairly certain that YOLO is just Carpe Diem for stupid people.

It's a tough transition really for theater actors to adjust to television or film, and all of these years later, I still have a tendency to play it too big.

I'm gonna drop fitty. I'm gonna drop fitty pounds. How many quarter-pounders with cheeses is that? I'm gonna drop 200 quarter-pounder with cheeses.

An old chinaman - he must have been sixty - shuffled by me hastily with a hop layout and spread it out in a nearby bunk. He was shaking with the yen-yen, the hop habit. His withered, claw-like hands trembled as he feverishly rolled the first pill, a large one. His burning eyes devoured it. Half-cooked, he stuck the pill in its place, and turning his pipe to the lamp, greedily sucked the smoke into his lungs. Now, with a long grateful exhalation, the smoke is discharged. The cramped limbs relax and straighten out. The smoker heaves a sigh of satisfaction, and the hands, no longer shaking, turn with surer touch to another pill. This is smaller, rolled and shaped with more care, better cooked and inhaled with a long, slaw draw. Each succeeding pill is smaller, more carefully browned over the lamp and smoked with increasing pleasure.

Every movie presents its challenges.

I was wrong. I knew I was wrong, and yet I persisted. If that is possible of any explanation it is this: From the day I left my father my lines had been cast, or I cast them myself, among crooked people. I had not spent one hour in the company of an honest person. I had lived in an atmosphere of larceny, theft, crime. I thought in terms of theft. Houses were built to be burglarized, citizens were to be robbed, police to be avoided and hated, stool pigeons to be chastised, and thieves to be cultivated and protected. That was my code; the code of my companions. That was the atmosphere I breathed. 'If you live with wolves, you will learn to howl.

This gambling habit is the curse of a thief's life.

I've had so many hot, cheesy, corny loves of music in my life. I had a very intense Billy Joel period. So once you've really Joeled it up - there's some good periods of Joel; it's not all hot cheese. But I can't judge anyone else for their cheese. I've deep-sea dived in the Gouda.

The books so fired me with the desire for travel, adventure, romance, that I was miserable most of the time.

If Beethoven and Bach hooked up with Mozart and made a band, they could be a distant runner up to The D.

When I was in High School I fell for pretty much any girl I ever met. But I was so desperate that I couldn't get any of them because they sensed my desperation! After many, many years, I learned to relax and just be myself.

Let's face it, the great comedians now that are handicapped in the looks department are tremendous writers.

Beneath the clothes, we find a man. And beneath the man...we find...his nucleus.

Buddha is pretty funny. Buddha is the coolest, though. If I had to go with one, I'd probably party with the Buddha.

I played, like, a year of piano until I learned the 'Pink Panther' theme. That was my goal. Once I was good enough, I quit. Now my music has to have some rock.

Me personally, I don't have anything against Jesus any more than I do any of the religious icons. I think they're all pretty funny.

If I could wish for anything else, it would be a little more moderation, a little more tolerance, and a little more of the trustful innocence of that boy who learned his prayers at the knee of the gentle, kindly old priest at the Sisters' Convent school.

I don't think of myself as a great improver. A lot of times there's long periods of silence when everyone in the recording studio is looking at their watch and waiting for me to say something. And I'm searching desperately in my brain for anything before something dribbles out.

When you think about rock at its origin, and you think of the Beatles and millions of kids screaming as loud as they can and running as fast as they can towards the Beatles, there's no one who is that kind of lightning rod, who commands that kind of power and has that kind of creative magma.

There's something about a divorce in that even if your parents still love you, the fact that they can't live with each other makes you feel there's something wrong with you.

I'm not thinking about forcing my kids to watch my movies. It's always awkward when someone says: "Hey, I wrote a song, can I play it for you?" That would be the dynamic, if I was like: "Hey, you're my son, watch my work!" I don't want to put them in that awkward position. Just because when they get older, that's when I'm worried, that they'll judge me and say: "Yeah, my father's [hand over mouth] Jack Black. He was in that cheesy movie." So, I'm going to keep it all high quality. It'll be a quality controller.

Push-ups, sit-ups, and a strict diet of raisins. That's my plan.

I'm fairly certain YOLO is just Carpe Diemm for stupid people.

I love Satan. Christianity is so boring. If Star Wars didn't have that evil imprint, they wouldn't sell two tickets. Satan sells tickets. That dude, Darth Maul, he was down with Satan. Put it this way, Satan loves to party, he loves to f**k and he loves to eat rich, delicious food. Actually that sounds a lot like Kyle Gass (his bandmate).

I'm used to being crazy and "rock-n-rolly", which is a little different than this world. For me, it was a chance to stretch a little bit.

There were times when I thought I got a bit more punishment than was coming to me, but I don't regret a minute of it now. Each of us must be tempered in some fire. Nobody had more to do with choosing the fire that tempered me than myself, and instead of finding fault with the fire I give thanks that I had the metal to take the temper and hold it.

I'd just like to be in films that I would like to see.

There's nothing you can really do to prepare to rock. Do you prepare to eat a delicious meal? Are you hungry? Then you're gonna eat it.

The movie Spinal Tap rocked my world. It's for rock what The Sound of Music was for hills. They really nailed how dumb rock can be.

You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore

It's a mistake to just go make a movie where the whole thing is talking down to the kids like, "Ok, we gotta bring the IQ of this movie down because it's a kids movie" You don't have to do that, kids can laugh and parents can laugh at different parts and that's fun, and you see that with all of the great kids movies.

Funny songs, that's my ticket. I can't remember when it started or why it started, it's just something that I NEEDED.

We're in the dark ages if J-Lo can have a music career because of her ass. And let's face it, that's it.

You have to mind your Ps and Qs a little bit.

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

I really wanted people to pay attention to me and like me. And the class clown thing, you know? There's a weird desperation to the class clown when you really investigate it. Why are they trying to be the clown so much? They're filling some kind of hole.

I just had a son and had to take him to the paediatrician and he measured his head and apparently he's in a group in which only 14 per cent of the population have a bigger head than him. Then she said: "Do you mind if I measure your head?" I said: "Go ahead." And she was shocked, because less than one per cent of the world's population has a bigger head than mine. So I guess that means I'm pretty full of myself. Or that I have a huge brain.

My parents were very supportive of me and my artistic endeavours. My father and mother came to every school play I ever did.

I love comedy and drama equally and music too. I just sort of follow my nose to whatever seems really exciting at the time. Eventually, I might want to do a rock opera.

The greatest gift in life is the ability to think great thoughts and have the strength to take action so that those thoughts become reality in this wonderful and abundant world.

Before we snap to judge someone who's done a horrible crime, is it possible that all of us in the worst possible circumstances could be capable of something like that? So it's about not judging people before really considering what the circumstance was and that not all murderers are created equal. We have a tendency in our society to just say murder? Cut and dried. Go away forever. Or maybe you should have the electric chair yourself.

The thing is, the kids always rebel against what the parents try to push on them so I'm going to pretend like I don't want [my son] to hear the rock. I'm going to listen to it only in my private chambers. He'll hear echoes of it and say: "What was that you were listening to papa?" And I'll say: "Nothing son, you're not ready."

Every time I stole a dollar I knew I was breaking a law and working a hardship on the loser. Yet for years I kept on doing it. I wonder how many of us quit wronging others for the best reason of all - because it is wrong, and we know it.

Iris, if you were a melody ... piano melody. I used only the good notes.

I'm going to write about them as I took them -- with a smile.

When I was a kid, I thought I was the strongest man in the world. Then, the fastest runner and then the smartest person in the world. One by one my delusions got shut down. Now I just see myself as the lamest guy in the world.

I don't really think differently of making a movie for grownups or making a movie for kids, if it's boring it's boring, so you want it to be entertaining and I think funny is funny whether it's for kids or grownups, the only real difference is language.