J.A. Konrath Quotes

Writers aren't in competition with one another. It isn't a zero sum game. If you have a good book, a good cover, a good product description, and a low price, you can sell well.

Blake Crouch, Chicago's deputy chief, and says, "I don't know." Crouch resembles a mole, with a long, sharp nose and tiny black eyes.

What happens to rage deferred? It explodes. It explodes in spectacular fashion.

Lately, my sexual fantasies revolved around once again having a landlord. Looks, age, and hygiene didn't matter, as long as he had a tool belt and said, Don't worry, I'll fix it.

No one was interested in picking up a midlist series, even though I have a decent fanbase and respectable numbers.

I just try to write entertaining books that are easily identifiable.

God, you're so hot, Irena. When are we going to get together, have ourselves a litter of little kiggens?"

"On the first of never, Andy. And they wouldn't be kiggens. They'd be pities.

The most important job anyone can ever have is being a mother.

Never having something is different than having something and losing it.

Why didn't vandals ever quote Shakespeare? I'd love to see graffiti in iambic pentameter.

People are bound to recognize the name Quasimodo." "Why is that?" "Because he rings a bell.

Of course, Jack Kilborn is better than both of us combined and mixed with a side helping of the Bronte sisters.

Because we self-published 'Draculas,' we control the rights. Not just for now, but forever.

I'm no porn star, but what I lack in size I make up for in speed.
--- Harry McGlade

If it takes every cent of my money, every single one of my vast resources, I'll see to it that you never insure another vehicle again. When I get done with you, you won't be able to put on roller skates without the Feds breathing down your neck.

Time is the ultimate long tail. Even with a big wad of money up front, if something sells forever, the back end is what ultimately counts.

Actually," Coursey lowered his voice an octave, "we've been informed by Homeland Security that three members of a subversive Brazilian band went through Customs at O'Hare Airport eleven days ago.

You're sick in the head.

If cops were viewed as the enemy, the tenuous balance of power could shift. Laws would be broken out of contempt. Authority wouldn't be acknowledged. Police officers might even be attacked, or worse.

I was overworked, underpaid, and socially retarded. But

While the first few explosions might be written off as coincidence, or even bad luck, somewhere around the tenth destroyed vehicle a little light came on inside my head. I finally understood that no one could be this unlucky. There was only one possible explanation. You're sick in the head. The psychiatric community calls your specific mental illness Munchausen's by Proxy. A parent, usually the mother, purposely makes her children sick so she can bask in the attention and sympathy of others.

You act like you have a saggy diaper that leaks." "Maybe you need to take your Shut-The-Hell-Up pill.

The business model - where books can be returned, and where a 50% sell-through is considered acceptable - is archaic and wasteful. Writers get small royalties, little say in how their books are marketed and sold, and simple things like cover and title approval are unheard of unless you're a huge bestseller.

Some people are born with a fire inside them. The will to succeed. It isn't a learned behavior. It's just some unknown biological factor that makes them try harder.

If you can quit, quit. If you can't quit, stop complaining - this is what you chose.

I think guns are just a symbolic substitute for male genitalia, and I'm okay in that respect." "Fine. If they get in the house, you can whack them with your genitals.

If you're stuck in hell, you might as well roast some marshmallows. Conversation,

So they profiled the Gingerbread Man with a curved spine." "It's just a hunch," I said.

I try not to watch the news. Too depressing.

Back in August, I wrote a post about the supposed race to the bottom with ebooks, refuting some nonsense written by an establishment bonehead.
This meme won't die. People are still convinced that new ebooks are going to be priced at ten cents, and writers will starve, and this will cause a second Great Depression where banks will close and people will be forced to buy Kindles with food stamps, and then the earth will enter another ice age where all the bunnies will freeze to death.

E-books are preferable to paper; they can be delivered instantly. In many cases, they're cheaper; you can buy them with the press of a button.

Mark Twain once said that true bravery isn't the absence of fear, but the ability to act in the face of fear.

After 20 years, a million written words, and nine rejected novels, I finally landed a book contract.

Amazon is not a monopoly or a monopsony, and even if it were, that by itself isn't illegal.

The publishing industry is an archaic and inefficient industry.

schoolchildren. Plus he has erectile dysfunction.

I can't do it, if I finish that, I'll have to attach a seat belt to the toilet.
Maybe an airbag too.

While the modern Bible is missing many of its original passages, the Book of Bob isn't one of them. You're probably getting it confused with the lost Book of Fred.

McGlade is a bit, um, abrasive," Jack said. "If he says something rude, you have to promise not to kill him." I smiled. Jack didn't. "I'm serious. Promise me." "I promise. I don't kill people just because they're rude." "Yeah, well, that's because you haven't met Harry yet." She

I have turned off Google Alerts and don't Google my name or my pen names. I don't go on message boards. I don't read my book reviews.

But after eating his one-thousandth sinner, Bob became prideful of his accomplishments, and that angered God."
"Why would that anger God?"
"This was the Old Testament. God got pissed off a lot. Didn't you ever read Job?

She nodded, taking his pistol and showing him the button to release the empty clip.
"Where did you learn how to shoot?" he asked.
"I teach high school.

I picked up a transsexual hooker named Thor, all six feet of her, at the off ramp to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, as I was driving up north to kill a man.

I took a moment before saying, "You think the murderer is a Brazilian samba trio." Dailey held up his right hand and ticked off fingers. "They're organized. Focused. Motivated. And are in excellent physical condition, by the looks of the pictures on their CD.

If you ever want to get laid again, you'll promise me." Andy felt himself tear up. "Okay.

been following turned his black Cadillac

Publishers vet books, and they do a good job keeping out the low quality. But they also miss some good quality.

I enjoy writing. Publishing ... not so much. I've been lucky to work with some very talented people in the publishing world, and the print industry has allowed me to write full time.

If you can't be smart or funny, be brief.

Sorry to hear about your Dad."
He shrugged. "He was seventy, and we always told him fast food would kill him."
"Heart attack?"
"He was hit by a Pizza Express truck.

You can't be both happy and ambitious.

Frank," Andy said slowly, "I don't think the hellspawn wants to play checkers with you.

He rolled his eyes, which buoyed me with relief. The dying don't bother with sarcasm.

I've been saying for years that readers want inexpensive ebooks.

Fate is a future you didn't try hard enough to change.

Then I tug the toaster from the wall and swing the appliance around my head like a lasso. I'm not aiming to knock her out. I'm aiming to knock off her fucking head.

I know a place that serves great falafel." "Falafel?" "No, I don't feel awful." Herb grinned. "I feel pretty good.

I became a control freak as a defense mechanism. The more control I had in my life, the less chance of being surprised, of getting hurt.

As writers, we can do whatever we want to. We're only limited by our imaginations. What an amazing, incredible time to be alive. How lucky we all are.

There's one." Roy reached over and pounded Bert in the leg. "Slug bug black, no hit backs." "Where?" "Right there." "That's a BMW." Bert smacked Roy twice. "Wrong car, double hit backs." "Can you guys quit this, please?" Tom looked ahead in the distance. "Oh God, no." "Here it is." The cabbie pointed to his right. "Largest Volkswagen dealership in Los Angeles." It was ugly. Real ugly. When

My next course of action was to take my phone off the hook, because I kept getting obnoxious messages along the lines of, "Where's that kidney?" and "You have to get to the hospital immediately!" and "He's dead.

I've got issues?" "You've got a whole subscription.

People, even crazy, evil people, tended to believe they have a good reason for doing what they do. Though some consider religion the opiate of the masses, others use it to further their obsessions, or rationalize their crimes.

I'm often asked which of the Jack Daniels books is my personal favorite. It

I doubt I'll ever have another traditional print deal.

That's why I refused. But after the media

You can't let the uncertainty of tomorrow interfere with the joy of today,

I wish I was like that. More carefree."
"Anyone can be. People aren't carved out of marble. We're all works in progress. The trick is to define ourselves, rather than let outside influences define us.

Besides, if a guy couldn't accept the way a woman looked when she woke up, he wasn't worth waking up next to. Not

You're the total of all the choices you've made in your life, Jack. This is what you have because this is what you chose.

author of more than

I didn't like doctors. They always wanted to take something from you, like blood or a kidney, or stick something in you, like a probe or a needle. As

Some people are naturally brave. Others, like me, learn to fake it. I still had no idea if faked bravery and real bravery were the same thing.

Men got all the comfortable clothing trends.

We each take up one virtual space per title ... Virtual shelf life is forever. In a bookstore, you have anywhere from a few weeks to a few months to sell your title, and then it gets returned. This is a big waste of money, and no incentive at all for the bookseller to move the book.