Howard Stern Quotes

I don't like being 50 and I don't like thinking about death.

I'm going to take over the world. Everyone watch out, you're in big trouble.

I've never come into anything successful before. I've always been hired by horrible radio stations with horrendous reputations and nothing to lose.

I'm not a good listener some times. I'm too much of a control freak. I'm learning to be better. I was so caught up in just getting the job done that I would miss out on the human aspect of this. There was a connection missing.

I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring.

If you're a Christian you don't sit there and worry about what somebody else is doing, if they're happy and they're committed in a relationship.

I believe I am doing the work for humanity. This show is so uplifting.

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse.

I'm not looking for a paycheck.

And rather than hide that, I would rather put that out on the radio and let someone see the full range of emotions. If you're going to be strong on the radio, you got to let it all out, even the ugly stuff. And you can't apologize for it.

I was told David Letterman and Kaufman had heart attacks on the same day: David Letterman's heart attack was at a hospital in NYC. Kaufman's heart attack was at the red light district in Amsterdam, Holland. I think Kaufman had more fun.
You're a great artist. I just love the way you painted my portrait.

I didn't listen to executives.

'The New York Times' list is a bunch of crap. They ought to call it the editor's choice. It sure isn't based on sales.

My show was revolutionary, ground-breaking. When I came on the scene, people were not doing a thing.

I've come to appreciate other people's talents.

We are busy planning the launch of the channel. I am busy planning all kinds of events that go on the channel without me. I have started producing a sound for the channel.

I don't talk about my salary.

I wanted to go hide. I wasn't looking to be more famous, I'm famous enough.

My mother was very involved with me. And we had a dialogue constantly. And it was like an umbilical cord. As long as the words were flowing back and forth we were connected and feeding each other. And I probably grew up very afraid of losing that connection.

Mike Walker is the Hemingway of gossip.

Why be uptight about bowel movements and sex? We all have sex. We all have penises
except for those of us who have vaginas.

There are things that I won't do on the radio. I mean, the next logical question is, what won't you do. I say, well, you know, you've got to find out when you're on the air.

I believe we will start believing in God as we get closer to death.

This country (United States) has too many freedoms.

I feel blessed, I really feel fulfilled.

What a crazy idea to put me on a family show!

Late night television is ready for someone like me ... standards have gone to an all-time low.

We all get one life to live here. It's 2012, and for gay and lesbian couples who are in love, not to be able to be married is so absurd.

Okay, well, I guess I'm still a kid. Because when I get really angry and fired up and I feel like my back is up against the wall, I will say vicious things.

Please, with the God talk. Hate to break it to you, but there is no God.

I really didn't know much about the Libertarians. I knew they were for less government and more individual freedom. I liked that.

I'm sure some people might be offended by that, but this is my feeling about show business. It's not all about pure talent. There are certain people who command a stage because they look good ,like me.

I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock.

I'm on the air five hours, and I blurt out anything in my head. Dangerous? Maybe.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I think I'm probably a little too desperate to be successful.

Well, first of all, I'm worth every penny.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

It's okay for a man to commit adultery if his wife is ugly.

I'm a parent, and I regulate what my kids listen to. I don't need the government to be the parent. If I'm a crappy parent, then I need the government involved.

I'm trapped inside of me and I don't go out at all. I go to bed at eight o'clock at night. I never go out during the week. I'm in psychotherapy four days a week, pretty heavy commitment to it.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn't matter how many satellites you f
ing stick in the air.

I've actually apologized to some people I was a real jerk to, because I feel ashamed. I didn't need to be that hungry. There was something going on inside me when I was angry and feeling very threatened and not feeling good about myself.