Earl Wilson Famous Quotes
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A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.
The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.
Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
Mathematics-a wonderful science, but it hasn't yet come up with a way to divide one tricycle between three small boys.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women - but not far enough to lose his balance.
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.
Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.
Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.
This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
