Jonathan Dunne Author Quotes

I'm just one more PhD, looking up at the stars, asking why are we here, while the down-and-outs under the bridge are asking the same question. ~ Jonathan Dunne

I am the manacle chained to Man's ankles. Only when he sees the light will he be set free of my shackles, and I, the manacle, be set free of my shackles: Man. ~ Jonathan Dunne

But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Look,' Jesus points out, 'do you think the guy cleaning the public toilets really wants to be dealing with people's shit on a Monday morning? No, he does it because it's in his contract. I'm dealing with people's shit twenty-four-seven because,' turning to the hobbled crow and speaking sarcastically, 'it's in my contract. ~ Jonathan Dunne

So how do you know she was a mermaid if you didn't see her bottom half? ~ Jonathan Dunne

Even if we don't have a clock, we're all on the clock – from clocking in and out at work to clocking in and out of this world. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Okay, that's it! I've had enough! I'm going to trade in my Biblical Studies PhD for a hot dog! ~ Jonathan Dunne

The human being is not being human. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Gonzo, the enlightened hippy-biker island god, was a hermit in every sense of the word; a hermit crab and this island was his shell. ~ Jonathan Dunne

The only time we stopped having nightmares was while we slept. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Your body isn't really yours, Jackie boy. Your body is mine and I'm claiming squatter's rights. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Marvin wasn't a beat-box gangsta-rapper-bitch, but a stressed invalid in a town not equipped with ramps. ~ Jonathan Dunne

And that's the best thing about this crazy journey: I am forgetting that I'm an old man instead of the Alzheimer's reminding me by forgetting ~ Jonathan Dunne

She is the clock-guardian. I was thinking about getting a German Shepherd, but they don't blow fire. ~ Jonathan Dunne

I'm not comparing Gloria to an Indian elephant, but she was just as big in my life ~ Jonathan Dunne

Everest, son, remember when I told you that asking questions is a sign of weakness? ~ Jonathan Dunne

Maybe blow-up dolls invaded Ireland during the Dark Ages, landing in the bay here. They raped the men and pillaged the women, adopted the children to imprint their rubbery ways on them, turning them into blow-up orphans. Hence,' she concludes, 'Dollymount Strand. ~ Jonathan Dunne

But Dunraven refused to ask God – he may as well be asking Santa to comb the area with Rudolph and his toy sled. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Payback takes many forms but from the business-end of a Christmas turkey isn't a form I would've bet on... ~ Jonathan Dunne

See this Swiss army knife, Lawless! It's gotta magnifying glass and a million blades but I only need one, so step right the fuck back! ~ Jonathan Dunne

I wish this country was run by children ~ Jonathan Dunne

I don't believe he was made in China, but I do believe he is disposable. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Mama, rest in pieces, used to call it Dada's hibernation because sometimes people don't wake up from a coma. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Unicorns are for those who aren't content with the wonders this world holds...not that I've seen any of it. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Watching copulating dung-beetles is exciting if you drink enough Red Bull, Jack. ~ Jonathan Dunne

My old man always told me never do anything during the day that will keep you awake at night. ~ Jonathan Dunne

I met a few chimpanzees on my pilgrimages and I wasn't sure if they were just shrivelled-up villagers or chimps... ~ Jonathan Dunne

Sarah is a mirage after all; an oasis in this arid, amnesiac, desert mindscape. I fear if I get too close she too will turn to dust. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Today is the day that I learn women have an innate connection to Mother Nature; a sixth sense for the bitter-sweet cycle of life, whereas men are challenged with five. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Everest is a big, pretentious name for a new-born. But would Dympna have named her only son Everest if she had known that he would be a fat albino boy? The comparisons with the snow-covered mountain peak are startling, to be fair. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Yes, Cabbage: prison diplomacy. It's called offering the newcomer a very warm welcome. You can tell Mares that I made lots of friends at two in the morning on the first night and continued making friends in the back of the laundry room and if I didn't make friends there they would shove me into an industrial tumble-dryer and spin me around a few times until I was dizzy enough to make lots of friends at the same time. ~ Jonathan Dunne

Humanity must be cut to the ground and allowed to flourish once again ~ Jonathan Dunne

They had taken see-no-evil and had made it their own by adopting a state sanctioned Orwellian see-no-evil policy ~ Jonathan Dunne

Humour is my best defence, so humour me. ~ Jonathan Dunne