Robert Rankin Quotes

As real as,' said Eddie.
'As real as what?' said Jack.
'Wish I knew,' said Eddie. 'But I can't do corroborative nouns. None of us are perfect, are we? I can get started. As big as, as obscene as, as foul as. But I can't get any further. But that's life for you again. As unfair as ...

It was joy, joy, happy joy.
Happy, happy joy.
A big fat smiley sun rose above the rooftops and beamed down its blessings onto the borough known as Brentford.

To say that it was wondrous would be to say that the universe is quite a big place.

Need to get to Ruislip by sparrow-fart though', said the squadron leader. 'Think you can do that? Can I come along for the ride?

Pooley the realist pooh-poohed such notions, but Pooley the mystic, dreamer and romantic sensed the aura of pagan mystery which surrounded the crop-headed man.

The Professor shook his head. 'On the contrary, my motives are most simple, to advance science and to combat evil.

Her hair was simply red and her coat was deacon blue.

And yes. They did become very drunk, the three of them.
And you're not supposed to be drunk when you get involved in matters such as this: Big Matters, Matters of an Apocalyptic Nature. You're supposed to be coldly sober. And you just can't be coldly sober when you're drunk.

I hope you grow up to be as good a mother as your father

All right,' said Pooley, 'as panic is clearly ill-received hereabouts, what do we do?

Only if I am going to die, I should prefer to die as I have lived, drunkenly.

This is not the way things are done in Boy's Own Adventure books. I recall no mentions of homosexual gang-rape and cannibalism

Too afraid of plagiarising someone, so I stopped reading fiction in 1981.

Jack nodded. 'No,' he said.
Was that a trick answer?

Omally shook his head. 'Police stations are bad places to break into, this is well known.

And there's the Midnight Growlers, a philosophical movement dedicated to high spiritual ideals and the pursuit of truth and -'
Beer,' said Tinto.

Oh dear,' said Eddie. 'We'd better hurry. Tinto, call me a cab.'
All right,' said Tinto. 'You're a cab.

There were large and small ones too. And some quite in-between. But all of equal nastiness.
And smelliness and ghastliness.
For they would eat a fellow up, as one might fish and chips

Still,' whispered Jack, 'you have to keep at it. Overcome the miseries of vomiting and the whirling pit. Pay your dues and work towards the real rewards of big-time adult drinking. Something to look forward to.

What's that, Barry?'
'Nothing, chief!

Jack, get a grip of yourself.'
I have a grip of myself.' Jack took a grip of himself. It was a most intimate grip; not the kind of grip that you usually take of yourself in public.

Because I'm a special gatekeeper. I'm the head gatekeeper. Because, although, as you can see, I'm only a head, I'm also the gatekeeper. Which makes me the head gatekeeper. Which makes me very special, don't you agree?

He could probably have persuaded even Cerberus to leave his post and go off in search of a few dog biscuits.

I know that if I have been working on one paragraph and I have written it three times, it goes in the bin. Unless it comes straight out, it is wrong, it is awkward, it does not fit.

Who was there to guide them? The words of self-obsessed politicians, egotistical media personalities, power-crazed newspaper magnates and half-mad clerics? Who could reason sensibly when supplied with all the wrong information for all the wrong reasons?

Have you ever head this theory about drinking yourself sober?' Eddie asked. 'It's a very popular theory. Amongst drunks, anyway.

Neville flexed his nostrils, he didn't like the smell of this. The young man was clearly a monomaniac

Calm down please, sir, if you will,' said the bobby, still retaining a firm hold upon the horse's reins. ' "Stolen" is such an ugly word. It is not technically stealing if you are a British archaeologist and you acquire items of historical significance in the savage realms and liberate them to civilisation.

Now, it's a fact well known to those who know it well that prophets of doom only attain popularity when they get the drinks in all around.

When you write, you hear the characters speaking to you as you take dictation from what they say. And obviously, they had particular personalities when you hear them.

Science,' said Mr Anders Anders. 'Science, not magic. I told you before: when things are not as they appear to be, it's because they're actually simpler than you think them to be. Things are never as difficult and complicated as folk believe. You'd be surprised just how straightforward and obvious things really are. The secret is in knowing how to look at them the right way.

The hill road wound upwards, as hill roads do, unless you're coming down them, of course.

If there are no spots on a sugar cube then I've just put a dice in my tea.

Someone in the crowd, for there is always one, said, 'That's right, a mate of mine had it.