Adam DeVine Quotes

I'm not a good rapper. For whatever reason, my brain does not work that way. I just do the beginning, like, 'Yeah, yeah! Ha ha! Woo! What up? Come on! Get at me!' I'm Captain Hook.

I like Louis C.K., Chris Rock. Old schools like Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy.

Naked dudes are inherently funny.

I tried out for my basketball team every year and I never made it. You had to buy the shoes before you knew if you were on the team because it took a few weeks for them to ship. I bought the shoes every year, never once made the team, had a ton of high school basketball shoes.

Even as a kid, I was a businessman. I figured out that if you plucked all the berries off my neighbor's tree and smashed them up, they made a Nickelodeon Gak-type consistency. I sold them to all the neighborhood kids and made stacks of quarters. Of course, the berries were poisonous, and I got in all types of trouble.

My senior year of high school, I got into UCLA, but my family couldn't afford it.

I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it, so no jokes about that yet.

Be yourself. I had this three-week period where I wore this straw fedora. I thought it was what chicks wanted. And then it dawned on me that I was trying to be something that I wasn't, so I took the fedora off. So be yourself.

I sold steaks over the phone in Omaha, Nebraska. Marbling, fantastic. That's what makes a great steak; a lot of people don't know.

As far as stand-ups go, I always loved Richard Pryor, Chris Rock, and Sinbad. Basically, I love black comedians because they're the funniest. I wish I were a black comedian, actually.

When telemarketers call me now, I won't get the blow-horn. I'm more polite than the average person.

I tend to have a lot of jokes about ex-girlfriends. They always ask me if they will be the subject of a joke, and I always tell them they won't. Unless they do something crazy. They all tend to, so you know where that goes. There are no closed doors. The 'art' will suffer.

People want to be friends with someone who likes to have a good time.

I loved Adam Sandler's early stuff. I thought it was so cool how irreverent and weird he would get.

I sang the National Anthem at Dodger Stadium - at a baseball game - which was crazy; there was, like, 60,000 people there, which is a huge deal in America - singing the National Anthem.

There's not one thing that inspires me the most. Me and my friends joke around with each other and hang out so much that whatever makes us laugh really hard makes it into 'Workaholics.' But the characters that I think are funny are guys that are confidently stupid.

What happened to me is I gained a little weight so I could be more accessible to people. They're not like, 'Oh my God, he's, like, a male model comedian; yuck, ugh.' It's like, 'Oh, he's a little squishy; He's like me. He's accessible.' And girls are like, 'Look how cuddly he is. I just want to cuddle up in his neck fat and go to sleep.'

Hot girls have so many options. Sitting at home alone any night of the week and searching the Internet for a dude is on zero hot girls' agendas. So they're definitely not coming after you.

I always wanted to be a comedic actor - that's what I wanted from the job - to do comedy and to create my own comedy. But I still love doing stand-up and will probably be doing it forever. I'd love to be an old guy who can't really walk, can't really stand-up, and I have to sit on the stool and tell jokes.

I think making friends is not being afraid to look stupid, because everyone wants a friend who is willing to be stupid and fun. If you try and be too cool, it only works in high school. After that, being uncool is a very cool thing to do. So just have fun, and don't worry what other people think of you and people will want to be your friends.

I'm such a huge 'Arrested Development' fan.

A funny thing is that you can't search me on Twitter because Adam Levine dominates there.

Jealousy is the worst trait in any person.

If you like standup and decide that it's overtaking your life and want to hate it, watch 1,000 standup comedians who are trying to get on a TV show.

We [me and friends] like to have surprising stories, but the dynamic and the friendship is the same. When you go out with your crew of friends and you get into trouble, at the end of the night when you come home, you're still the same crew of friends. It's just the story that you have to tell.

I did telemarketing for years, starting at the age of 16, just selling steak knives to old people. Old people go through a weird amount of steak knives. I also sold straight meat over the telephone.

My favorite sequels are basically all Mike Myers films - 'Wayne's World 2,' 'Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me,' 'Shrek 2.' Anything he does, it's best the second time around. He needs to do 'So I Married an Axe Murderer 2.'

I don't want any competition; I've finally made it! I don't want any young bucks knocking me off and taking my job, so stay in school! Stay in school and get a nice job working in an office!

That's another piece of advice: Don't go to college; follow your dreams. Unless you're a doctor - then go to college.

My parents are very cool and wildly supportive - maybe almost too much. I want to tell them to chill out.