Tara Sivec Quotes

Another good thing about Legos(LIFE). If it falls apart, it doesn't mean it's destroyed. It just means you have to pick up the pieces and start again. ~ Tara Sivec

To get to the good, sometimes you have to live through the bad. ~ Tara Sivec

Then you have the people who believe your flippancy is due to some deep, dark, secret issue with your uterus that you're overcompensating for, and they look at you and your va**na with pity. ~ Tara Sivec

My tits may be small, but they're deadly ~ Tara Sivec

I've waited long enough. Shelby is the main reason I'm still here, alive and kicking, and it's time she knows that. It's time for me to take back what was always meant to be mine. ~ Tara Sivec

Yeah, you like that? You like it when Big Papa gives you his hot and juicy wiener?" I pant, my hips hammering against her. Her fists yank my hair, pulling my head away from her neck so hard that I see stars. "Ow! What the fuck?" I complain as she gives me a dirty look. "You cannot say shit like that when we're fucking. You Just can't," she warns me, letting out a low groan when I shift my hips and grind my pubic bone against her clit.
"What's wrong with a little dirty talk? I thought you'd like it." "I like dirty talk. I LOVE dirty talk. What you're doing is not dirty talk. It's 'weird as fuck' talk. Repeat after me: I love fucking you, your pussy is so tight," Ava demands. (Well, damn, that was hot. I kind of wish I had a vagina right now). ~ Tara Sivec

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they cut your wiener," Gavin sang as he pointed his gun at random objects.
"Wow, cops have gotten pretty hardcore lately" Carter muttered. ~ Tara Sivec

Liz asked me the other day what I thought about twice baked potatoes. How the fuck should I know? Was I supposed to be thinking about twice baked potatoes all this time? Is this where I went wrong? Are grown men supposed to have an opinion about twice baked potatoes? ~ Tara Sivec

You know what happens when you assume things?"
I left out a sigh. "You make an ass out of you and me."
...
"No, you just make an ass out of you. Me, I would never be this assy ~ Tara Sivec

Will you stop calling it 'stalking'? That's such a harsh term. I prefer 'anonymous following. ~ Tara Sivec

Oh, dear. He's a pimp and he's stupid, this is not good," Bev mutters. "Leon, leave it to you to find the only stupid pimp in Seattle. ~ Tara Sivec

How many people get a second chance at love with the only person they've ever held in their heart? ~ Tara Sivec

Mom, do you have pot hanging from the ceiling? ~ Tara Sivec

Was this really my life right now? How did I get to this point? A few months ago I was a single mother with no social life or romantic prospects anywhere in my future, and I was stuck at a dead-end job at a bar. Now, I was opening a business, doing what I loved every single day, and found the love of my life who was the best father in the world to our son.

Oh, and my va**na was getting regular work-outs on an almost-daily basis. Couldn't forget that tidbit since it was probably the most important. I thought if my va**na had to wait any longer for some action, she would have just got up and walked out of my underwear to find another pair of legs to sit between. ~ Tara Sivec

My ears perked up like a dog's again when she spoke and pointed in the general direction of the chick that smelled of Slim Jims.
I hope I don't start barking.
"Oh, please, like she doesn't know about the smell of meat products wafting from her lady parts. I think she rubs bologna down there to attract men. Lunch meat is her sex pheromone."
The brunette shook her head in irritation. "If I do a shot, will you please stop talking about Jade's disgusting vagina and never, ever use the word meat product in a sentence?"
"Woof!"
Three sets of eyes all turned to look at me.
"Did I just bark out loud?"
Three heads bobbed up and down in unison. ~ Tara Sivec

You don't have to try and pick up all the pieces at once, sometimes you only need to use a few of them at a time. If you try and pick them all up and use them all the same time, it's overwhelming and frustrating when you start to drop them or you just can't make them work. ~ Tara Sivec

What the fuck is that?" I ask Uncle Drew as he walks up to us. "That, my little asshole, is a screaming goat. Molly showed me this awesome video on YouTube and I had to get one," Uncle Drew says with a huge smile. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Uncle Drew turns around and points proudly to a little black and white goat tied to one of Aunt Liz and Uncle Jim's trees. "Isn't she cute? Her name is Taylor Swift." "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the goat screams as she looks right at us. "I don't even understand what is happening right now," I reply with a shake of my head. "I've been trying to teach her - " "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" "How to sing a - " "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" "Song, but she never comes in at the right - " "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ~ Tara Sivec

I don't deserve her forgiveness. I never deserved her to begin with, so now she'll be free to find security and happiness without having to worry about the broken man she married who can never be fixed. ~ Tara Sivec

Say it," he whispers. "I missed out on this the first time. I want to hear you say it. ~ Tara Sivec

Absence makes the dick grow fonder, isn't that what they say? ~ Tara Sivec

I'm scared because I love you so much sometimes it's hard to breathe. ~ Tara Sivec

I am plenty romantic. Just this morning while he slept, I had left Carter a box of his favorite candy next to his pillow - Globs: piles of white chocolate covered, crushed potato chips and pretzels drizzled with caramel. I figured it would soften him up to the note I placed next to the box telling him if he left the toilet seat up one more time and my ass got an involuntary bath at six in the morning, I would put super glue on the head of his penis while he slept. I had even signed the note with a couple of Xs and Os. Who says romance is dead? ~ Tara Sivec

Dear Fisher, I guess this is it, huh? After almost fourteen years together, starting a life of our own on this island, five tours of duty and countless letters I've written you through it all, I finally go out to the mailbox and see something I've always dreamed of: an envelope with your handwriting on it. For one moment, I actually thought you'd changed your mind. That all the awful things you said to me were just your way of coping after everything you'd been through. I was still here, Fisher. I was still here, holding my breath, waiting for you to come back even though you told me you never would. You always said you'd find your way back to me. Out of all the lies you've told me, this one hurts the most. Enclosed you will find the signed divorce papers, as requested. I hope you find what you're looking for. I'm sorry it wasn't me. Lucy ~ Tara Sivec

If you were mine, I would never be able to walk away from you. If you were mine, I'd worship every inch of your body with my hands, lips, and tongue. If you were mine, I wouldn't be able to stand in the same room as you without running my hands over your skin and tasting your lips. If you were mine ... ~ Tara Sivec

It all just depends on the person you're with. If you can look at that person and know without a doubt that you want to spend the rest of your life kissing them goodnight and waking up next to them, marriage is for you. ~ Tara Sivec

Oh fuck, he was right there. I was wet as hell and he could probably smell me now. I should have eaten strawberries or melon or a dozen roses or an entire mint plant. Did that work for women? I read an article that it worked for men. Their spunk tasted like what they ate. Did my vagina taste like spaghetti right now? God dammit! I shouldn't have eaten dinner! ~ Tara Sivec

Sometimes you have to learn to love the little mo stars for something other than a tax deductions they provide you" ~Claire
Seductions & Snacks ~ Tara Sivec

Oh shit, I wouldn't use that towel if I were you," Gavin mumbles.
I ignore him scrubbing every inch of my face, hoping that maybe I can rub away the memory of the words my mother spoke to me.
"Seriously dude, give me that thing," Gavin says, Interrupting my thoughts. I pull the towel away and glare at his reflection in the mirror. He's standing behind me with a look of disgust on his face and his hand out. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I just found out that my mom was a slut and has no idea who my dad is and all you're worried about is your precious towel?" I ramble, my voice getting that hysterical squeak to it. "What's wrong? Is this one of Charlotte's 'good' towels, reserved for guests or some shit? Fuck, are you pussy whipped."
Gavin shakes his head at me and tries reaching over my shoulder to take the towel. I snatch it away and turn to face him. "What is your fucking deal? It's a Goddamn towel!" I yell. "Yeah, it's a jizz towel, dude."
I look at him in confusion, glancing down at the towel and back up at him when what he said finally sinks in. He's biting his lip and I can't tell if he's trying not to laugh or if he's trying to think of a way to run out of here as fast as he can. "Hey, what are you guys doing in the bathroom?" Charlotte asks, suddenly appearing in the doorway. "Oh, my God! Did you just use that towel, Tyler?" I quickly throw the towel away from me like it's on fire and it lands in the toilet. "Dammit, don't throw it in the toilet ~ Tara Sivec

Or maybe you know how two-hundred Post-it notes with pictures of penises drawn on them were glued to every inch of my desk. ~ Tara Sivec

It's easy fixing other people's problems. It's my own that can suck it. ~ Tara Sivec

Love and lists. Just remember, love and lists. Nothing else matters. ~ Tara Sivec

I don't care if my mind is completely gone and I'm so fucked up in the head that I'm imagining this. I'll stay a fucked up mess the rest of my life if I can have her lips on mine and it can feel this real. ~ Tara Sivec

It's going down, and it's going down right the fuck now. I don't care if there is a room full of witnesses ~ Tara Sivec

Oh, sweetie, you are a jackass. I love you, but you are dumber than a one legged duck in an ass kicking contest when pigs fly. ~ Tara Sivec

She swore she would never let someone take so much of her heart and soul that it would wither away to nothing once they were gone. She gave up on the dream of finding someone to consume her mind, body, and soul. It only ruined you in the end. It only left you broken and unable to live. ~ Tara Sivec

I had my fingers buried inside of her, my head rested between her thighs for over an hour and I could still taste her on my tongue. Phina could pretend all she wanted to, but I wasn't about to put up with that shit. I am man enough to admit that it stung a little when it was all over and she ushered me out of her house like I was a vacuum salesman and she had no use for what I was selling. ~ Tara Sivec

It's okay, my penis is not offended in the least that it just made you throw up ~ Tara Sivec

I've heard some strange noises every once in a while late at night and always wondered if the house is haunted. I bet it is. I bet that freaky little fucker wants to watch us have sex. Fine with me, buddy, enjoy the show. Just don't touch my ass at all during the event or I will call the Winchester brothers from Supernatural. Dean and Sam will fuck you up! I had a strange hand touch my ass one time in college during a threesome, and that's just something you don't get over. Random ass touching scares me more than spiders. ~ Tara Sivec

I roofied you because I wanted you naked ... and afraid, Tyler says again in a sinister voice ~ Tara Sivec

What are you smiling about? Do you have gas?" Drew joked.
"Hey, Mommy, Carter has a HUGE wiener," Gavin said around a mouthful of cookie, holding his
hands up in the air about three feet apart, like you do when you're telling someone how big the fish is you
just caught.
Claire quickly reached over and pushed Gavin's arms down while everyone else at the table laughed.
I just sat back and smiled and tried to keep my anaconda penis tucked under the table so it wouldn't scare
anyone. ~ Tara Sivec

I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you. ~ Tara Sivec

I hope his penis falls off. I hope it rots and falls off inside of Miss Teen USA, therefore causing her perfect, twenty-two-year-old vagina to rot and fall out of her thong when she sneezes. ~ Tara Sivec

Mommy and Daddy make a lot of noise when they kiss. Mommy talks to God a lot. I talk to God sometimes too. I asked him for a puppy and a new monster truck but I was nice and didn't yell at him like Mommy does. He still hasn't gotten me the puppy though. ~ Tara Sivec

Don't you ever forget that, hummingbird. You can go anywhere you want to go, be anything you want to be. Play because you love it and for no other reason. The day you stop loving it is the day it becomes a job. Making music should never be a job. ~ Tara Sivec

Getting a group of rowdy, blue-collar workers together in one room and putting in a tape that shows a guy in a leisure suit putting his hand on his secretary's ass and you've got complete and total anarchy, ladies and gentleman. ~ Tara Sivec

Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough ~ Tara Sivec

You're the only thing I've ever wished for. ~ Tara Sivec

I was trying to figure out a way to tell him his love mayonnaise had mad skills and no one at this table could stop talking about vibrators. ~ Tara Sivec

I turned around to see Jim standing in the aisle with a smirk and a box of tampons in his hand.
Very funny asshole. Looks like you're on the rag this week. Make sure to get yourself some Midol and a copy of Terms of Endearment so you can have yourself a good cry. ~ Tara Sivec

The tears pool in my eyes and fall down my face. I love her so much and all I'm doing is hurting her. The one person in my life who never lets me down and all I keep doing is breaking her apart. I let her down every time I leave, I let her down every time she has to handle something alone, I let her down when I come home and I'm not myself because I'm still stuck in a place halfway across the world ~ Tara Sivec

They say that when you have your own child, the first time you look into his or her eyes you will fall instantly in love and the rest of the world disappears. They say you'll believe your child can do no wrong, and you will love them unconditionally right from the very first moment. Well, whoever "they" are should seriously limit the amount of crack they smoke and stop talking out of their ass while their Arby's vaginas are flopping around in their grandma panties. ~ Tara Sivec

I feel like I'm in The Crying Game right now, Dad mutters with a sad shake of his head. ~ Tara Sivec

Moving a safe distance away from her, I curse Dominic the mother fucking donkey. ~ Tara Sivec

Hey, maybe we can even convince her to slather some Three Musketeers on her vagina. We'll just tell her you have a Willy Wonka fetish, ~ Tara Sivec

I was going to have to tell people I got fired from selling dildos. I can't even sell fake cocks to a room full or horny women. How do you come back from that shit? ~ Tara Sivec

Who keeps putting alcohol in my alcohol? ~ Tara Sivec

It's my fucking business when I've had my face buried between your thighs and can still taste you on my tongue. ~ Tara Sivec

Did your mother not teach you any manners?" I huff.

"We're. Fucking. Closed. You're fucking welcome. ~ Tara Sivec

I love both of you exactly the way you are. I love that you have no filter, and I adore that Gavin can make grown men cry. There is not one thing I would change about either of you, and if anyone doesn't like it, they can kiss my ass. You guys are my life and my family now. Nothing else matters. ~ Tara Sivec

It wouldn't be weird at all if I just walked up to her and ran my tongue across her shoulder, would it? I could tell her she had a piece of food there or something. Totally normal. ~ Tara Sivec

Not all babies are cute when they're born no matter how many new parents try to convince you otherwise. This is yet another lie the half-baked "theys" lead you to believe. Some babies are born looking like old men with wrinkled faces, age spots, and a receding hairline. When I was born, my father George took my hospital picture over to his friend Tim's house while my mom was still recuperating in the hospital. Tim took one look at my picture and said, "Oh sweet Jesus, George. You better hope she's smart." It was no different with my son, Gavin. He was funny looking. I was his mother, so I could say that. He had a huge head, no hair, and his ears stuck out so far I often wondered if they worked like the Whisper 2000, and he was able to pick up conversations from a block away. ~ Tara Sivec

Happy Valentine's Day, baby. No matter what, Gavin will always be your little boy. The first woman he ever asked to marry him. Even when he's in fifth grade and those little bitches pull out the big guns and start getting boob jobs and vaginal rejuvenation surgeries. ~ Tara Sivec

I never intended to be away from school that long, but I also never intended on a baby completely fucking up my life. Er, I mean, bringing me years of great joy. ~ Tara Sivec

Anal is pretty much the sexual duct tape of the world- it fixes everything.
I should put that on a t-shirt. ~ Tara Sivec

You're probably also wondering how in the hell I can possibly be twenty-five years old when just yesterday I was four. I know, it's a tough pill to swallow. I'm not a foul-mouthed, cute little kid anymore. I'm now a foul-mouthed, cute adult. ~ Tara Sivec

You saved me, Shelby," I whisper, pressing my forehead against hers. "For five years, you saved me, and you didn't even know it. Now it's my turn to save you. ~ Tara Sivec

Your tits are like Bounty. The quicker dick picker upper. ~ Tara Sivec

Mortification, party of one, your table is now ready. ~ Tara Sivec

Who are you?" I asked the kid with my eyes when I finally found my voice.
"I'm Gavin Morgan, who the hell are you? ~ Tara Sivec

You make everything perfect, Lucy. You're my light and my life and all I need is your love to guide me home, no matter where I go. ~ Tara Sivec

Do not enter, closed for repairs, zombies will eat your face if you try to touch this vagina. ~ Tara Sivec

And let's face it people, no one is ever honest with you about child birth. Not even your mother. "It's a pain you forget all about once you have that sweet little baby in your arms." Bullshit. I CALL BULLSHIT. Any friend, cousin, or nosey-ass stranger in the grocery store that tells you it's not that bad is a lying sack of shit. Your vagina is roughly the size of the girth of a penis. It has to stretch and open andturn into a giant bat cave so the life-sucking human you've been growing for nine months can angrily claw its way out. Who in their right mind would do that willingly? You're just walking along one day and think to yourself, "You know, I think it's time I turn my vagina into an Arby's Beef and Cheddar (minus the cheddar) and saddle myself down for a minimum of eighteen years to someone who will suck the soul and the will to live right out of my body so I'm a shell of the person I used to be and can't get laid even if I pay for it. ~ Tara Sivec

What temperature is your ball sack running at now?" he asks, turning around and narrowing his eyes at me.

"What? I don't know. Why are you asking me this?"

"Dude, to effectively produce sperm, your testicles need to be at least two degrees cooler than your core temperature. You should ice those little nuggets. ~ Tara Sivec

She smells like chocolate and I don't like to be spanked. ~ Tara Sivec

Climbing into bed, I slide my hands behind my head and stare up at the ceiling.
I have no idea who my father is.
I just had anal!
But I have no idea who my father is.
ANAL, MOTHERFUCKER!
Shit, I hate being so conflicted. ~ Tara Sivec

Since your asshole ex-husband took all his shit with him and we have nothing fun to burn, we'll start with this pile of shitty clothes," she tells me, kicking the stack with her toe.

"We're not burning my clothes. Do you have any idea how expensive those pieces were?" I argue, even though the sight of all my monotone, plain clothing makes me want to reach for the closest lighter.

"Cindy, you had a breakthrough the other night. You are on the track toward recovery and the first step is admitting you have a problem. Repeat after me: I will no longer put things on my body that are golden wheat, ecru, light baby-shit tan, or anything else in the beige family unless what I'm putting on my body is an actual man with that color skin tone," Ariel recites, putting her hands on her hips and raising one eyebrow as she waits for me to comply with her request. "And we don't have to burn everything. Just a few pieces to make you feel better. And by you I mean me, because if I have to look at this crap any longer, I'm going to throw up in my mouth. We can sell the rest. ~ Tara Sivec

Spitters are Quitters ~ Tara Sivec

I love the way you look at me. I love the way you love me. No matter what, I will always find my way back to you, ~ Tara Sivec

Life's too short to do something that doesn't make you happy, and to spend your time with someone who isn't your entire world. ~ Tara Sivec

It's fucking Meerkat Manor in my pants. ~ Tara Sivec

The mind is a great and powerful thing, bisected with hallways of darkness and corners of light. Memories can alternately fill your life with joy and happiness and cloud every moment with nightmares and fear, making you second-guess all of the good things and wonder if they were ever real. ~ Tara Sivec

She moans her approval, so I continue. "Your pussy is so tight, like trying to get a new My Little Pony out of the packaging. Like those fucking twisty ties–" "Oh, my God, NO! JESUS CHRIST" she interrupts. ~ Tara Sivec

I'm not scared because I can't give you my love in return, I'm scared because I love you so much sometimes it's hard to breathe."
[ ... ]
"Everything I have to give, it's yours. It's always been yours. ~ Tara Sivec

Wow, I'm surprised you remembered. When you left the bar you were crying and singing at the top of your lungs ' I got ninety-nine problems and the bitch is all of them. ~ Tara Sivec

I love you more than a hooker loves free VD testing day at the clinic ~ Tara Sivec

Jim, would you rather have your porn name be Hugh G. Rection or Mike Unstinks? ~ Tara Sivec

You wouldn't know what the fuck to do in a dangerous situation if your life depended on it. And it would, little one. ~ Tara Sivec

I can't do this without her, Liz, I can't. Every part of my life is wrapped up in her. She's my wife, ~ Tara Sivec

There has never, nor will there ever be, any other woman in this world more special to me than you."q ~ Tara Sivec

I suddenly had a vision of my sperm swimming around and talking in Bruce Willis's voice like in Look Who's Talking. Come on! Swim faster! This little shit has no idea we escaped from the condom! Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker! ~ Tara Sivec

Death changes everyone ... It changes the way you think, the way you feel, and the way you live your life. Sometimes it makes you thankful for what you have, but more often than not, it makes you regret what you've lost. ~ Tara Sivec

I don't even get the term, "the birds and the bees".
How does that properly teach a kid about sex? You never see a pigeon railing a
dove or a honey bee sticking it to a bumble bee. ~ Tara Sivec

Oh shit, the jig is up! HIDE THE COOKIES! ~ Tara Sivec

They aren't skanks and they aren't stupid. I prefer to call them 'scantily-clad ladies with limited vocabulary. ~ Tara Sivec

This is where my story begins. Or ends. I can never really decide. ~ Tara Sivec

You are always the light in my darkness. You're the reason I'm alive, you're the reason I'm here and you're the reason I breathe, every day. ~ Tara Sivec

Instead I'm worried about my son being led astray by a harlot. A harlot named Brooklyn. Her parents probably named her that because skank was too obvious even though they know what her future career would be. ~ Tara Sivec

It went exactly according to my plan. That is, until my period was a week late and I realized I ate an entire loaf of bread and seven sticks of string cheese while I sat at the kitchen table looking at the calendar and wishing I'd paid more attention to math in kindergarten because there was no f**king way I counted right. ~ Tara Sivec

Everything was wrong when you were gone. Nothing made sense without you here. I didn't know how to be happy without you. I didn't know how to live without you. ~ Tara Sivec

It's a strange thing, feeling like you can't breathe without another person. Physically, I know I'm breathing and my heart is beating when she's not around, but in my soul, it feels a movie that's been paused, waiting for someone to come back into the room. When I'm away from her, I feel like my life is on hold and she's the only one who can restart it. ~ Tara Sivec