Adam Selzer Famous Quotes
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Let me get this straight," I say. "You're practically ordering me to die. What kind of guidance counselor are you?
Some of them are wearing skirts that I'm pretty sure are supposed to be belts.
Whenever I start thinking about death, it always cheers me up to think about my funeral and my tombstone (which, by the way, will say "Here lies Harlan Sturr. Please don't pee on him.")
The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was the most sweeping civil rights legislation of its day, and included women's rights as part of its reforms. Ironically, the section on women's rights was added by a senator from Virginia who opposed the whole thing and was said to be sure that if he stuck something about womens' rights into it, it would never pass. The bill passed anyway, though, much to the chagrin of a certain wiener from Virginia.
Wow," says Peter, "when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.
I mean, who wants to date a guy who thinks a girl who can't operate a fruit cup is attractive?
Did you just hit on her by calling her your cousin?" asks Sadie. "'Cause, damn!
There a lot of things I can't do," he says. "With my ... health."
"Well," I say, "can you kiss girls?
What are you eating?" he ask us.
"Whatever won't kill me, please" I said.
"Whatever don't kill you'll make you stronger" says Eddie, who is always ready with folksy wisdom.
"All right," I say. "Then give me whatever will make me stronger."
"One pizza, coming up.
And the third is from him: "Second date?"
I immediately text him back: "Hell yeah!"
Then I collapse on my bed and enjoy that "butterflies in the stomach" feeling. I've felt the butterflies before from time to time, but this is the first time I haven't sort of wanted to attack them with a flyswatter.
Not that anyone minds
no one's paying attention to the music. Most of them never really listen to music. Practically no one actually does. Even at concerts people pay good money for, instead of a three-dollar cover charge, they talk through the whole thing. I feel sorry for them, since none of them understand what it's like to have a song just get into your soul and become your whole world. They don't know what it's like when a song changes your life.
When a girl turns down your advances, the polite thing to do is just move on.
