Sarah Ockler Quotes

The only thing that's ours to accept is the fact that we don't always get to know the answers. ~ Sarah Ockler

you can't promise yourself that you're not going to fall in love with someone. I'm not exactly a relationship expert, but I don't think it works that way ~ Sarah Ockler

Some people call it child labor. I call it ... let's not get technical. ~ Sarah Ockler

They don't want to know that you'll never eat birthday cake because you don't want to erase the magical taste of frosting on his lips. That you wake up ever day wondering why you got to live and he didn't. ~ Sarah Ockler

Rules are rules, yet still
trumped always by kindness and human decency. ~ Sarah Ockler

There was no going back to the way things were, because all you ever got was the way things are. ~ Sarah Ockler

When it's like this, I don't notice the cold. I don't hear the wind howling through the empty spaces. I don't feel like a small, broken-winged bird trapped in a rusty cage. ~ Sarah Ockler

It's strange," I say, rubbing my feet against his. "I feel like I should be sad, but I'm not. It's not that I won't miss you, but it just feels like-"
"Like everything is going to be okay anyway," he says, finishing my thought. ~ Sarah Ockler

We arrived in Vermont expecting to fix up the old lake house. But in the end, it was the house that fixed us. ~ Sarah Ockler

Chocolate Cherry Fixer-Uppers ~ Sarah Ockler

No matter where on the globe you went, something was always changing. ~ Sarah Ockler

Emily, Megan, Jack, Luna, Patrick ... they helped me learn what true friendship is. It's never perfect, but it is important. ~ Sarah Ockler

Every morning, I wake up and forget just for a second that it happened. But once my eyes open, it buries me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. Once my eyes open, I'm heavy, like there's to much gravity on my heart. ~ Sarah Ockler

Same people. Same hellos and goodbyes. Same beginnings and endings. Same befores and afters. ~ Sarah Ockler

The girl who'd written volumes on the walls but never said a word. ~ Sarah Ockler

The most tragic thing about California is that nothing is permanent or real here," he says. "It gets to you, you know? ~ Sarah Ockler

Explanations take the mystery out of things, right? ~ Sarah Ockler

The only excuse I can think of is the truth – she's broken. Until someone can figure out how to fix her, what else can she do? ~ Sarah Ockler

Right here, right now, for the first time since I'd lost my voice, I let it all go. ~ Sarah Ockler

See, some people politely encourage their tone-deaf friends to sing. Some people even convince them to go on live television and audition for national competitions. But me? I am not that friend. ~ Sarah Ockler

Mat - Red and Jayne's Matt, Frankie's Matt, my Matt - died of a broken heart. ~ Sarah Ockler

Sometimes life's most important moments are quiet, a decision made quick and calm. ~ Sarah Ockler

It was one thing to have your own kind of hope, an ember you could nurture inside, something to inspire you when things got dark. If it died, it was on you; no one else even had to know about it, and you were free to reignite it, or to give up and walk away. But when you were carrying it with another person, for another person, it was a dangerous dream. Treacherous as the sea, yet fragile as a bubble. ~ Sarah Ockler

It happened and it was impossible and beautiful and then it ended before it even really began, leaving nothing behind but secrets and broken hearts. ~ Sarah Ockler

They key to a great party is the music," Sam says, scrolling through his iPod as we tramp through the sand. Eddie - the guy having the party - put Sam in charge of the playlist. "If it's too intense, no one will be able to hang out and talk. But if it's too mellow, it will turn into a snoozefest. You also have to consider timing. There's a particular kind of music appropriate for each stage of the party - intro, warm-up, full swing, wind-down, and outro. ~ Sarah Ockler

For all its ridiculous imperfections, life is pretty damn perfect sometimes. ~ Sarah Ockler

Nature: it's own creation, it's own mystery, existing long before we took our first breaths and long after we take our last. ~ Sarah Ockler

Left turn in four. Hundred. Feet.
An invisible electronic woman navigates us toward the highway from the distant planet Monotone, where everyone is tranquil and directionally adept, ~ Sarah Ockler

Anyway, what about you? How's, um, Abby? Angie? What's her name?
Oh, Hudson. Your suavity is an example to us all. ~ Sarah Ockler

Because maybe Watonka was only ever supposed to be a temporary stopover, and maybe I will chase that train over the hill, and maybe we're all destined to leave this place, for sure, for real, together or alone. But for right now, we're here. ~ Sarah Ockler

My entire life has changed in the span of three weeks, but as the seals howl against the Pacific, everything around me remains exactly the same. ~ Sarah Ockler

There were lots of ways to lose your voice. ~ Sarah Ockler

Not only does he reduce my best friend's emotional state to something akin to an annoying rash, he also plants a new seed in my already overcrowded brain ~ Sarah Ockler

I'll be thinking of you. Always. ~ Sarah Ockler

Matt died of a broken heart ~ Sarah Ockler

You know it wouldn't kill you to walk, right, old man?"
"Maybe not. Wouldn't kill you to keep your clothes on, either. ~ Sarah Ockler

We all long for what could have been. ~ Sarah Ockler

I felt the loss of my voice like a fresh wound, a cold blade against my throat, and I closed my eyes to keep the sea from spilling down my cheeks. No one knew me like my family in Tobago, but they'd known me always as Elyse, beautiful songbird, weaver of music that could bring a man to his knees. Music was my life, a rare gift that Natalie and I had shared, had grown into, had grown because of.
And now, without the music, I was just . . . Elyse. Broken.
My family didn't know me anymore. Natalie didn't know me. I didn't know me. ~ Sarah Ockler

I wonder how much we don't see. How much of our lives we witness and accept as truth when the rest of the iceberg - the heaviest, bulkiest part - is buried and invisible. ~ Sarah Ockler

She makes her people work on Sundays?" Rachel whispers, pulling some of my grandmother's old food from he fridge and sniffing it.

"Nah-weekends are optional. They only have to work them if they want to keep their jobs. ~ Sarah Ockler

Every story is part of a whole, entire life, you know? Happy and sad and tragic and whatever, but an entire life. And books let you know them. ~ Sarah Ockler

This boy wore the ocean in his eyes, green-gray-blue, ever shifting, and I recognized him immediately. Knew before he said another word that he was as dangerous as he was beautiful. ~ Sarah Ockler

And there,
in the place where possibility lived,
I shone. ~ Sarah Ockler

She's a human being, just like me. Frail and faulty and flawed, capable of making the most heinous mistakes and inflicting the most severe pain. But equally capable of the greatest love. ~ Sarah Ockler

It's rally bad when dads cry. ~ Sarah Ockler

Beneath the vast diamond sky, I felt both all important and utterly significant, the goddess and the damned in equal measure. ~ Sarah Ockler

But once in a while, you pick the right thing, the exact best thing. Every day, the moment you open your eyes and pull off your blankets, that's what you hope for. The sunshine on your face,warm enough to make you heart sing. ~ Sarah Ockler

What do you need, Josh? Just name it. Anything. I'm totally here for you.

I knew I could count on you, Hudson. The thing is... I don't know if I'm a good kisser. It's not the sort of thing you can figure out on your own, you know? So I was thinking, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, maybe you could kiss me, everyday for a year, and then you can...

"Hudson? ~ Sarah Ockler

Would 'sorry' have made any difference? Does it ever? It's just a word. One word against a thousand actions. ~ Sarah Ockler

It takes forty muscles to frown, and only twelve to jam a cupcake in your mouth and get over it. ~ Sarah Ockler

In your entire life, you can probably count your true friends on one hand. Maybe even on one finger. Those are the friends you need to cherish, and I wouldn't trade one of them for a hundred of the other kind. I'd rather be completely alone than with a bunch of people who aren't real. People who are just passing time. ~ Sarah Ockler

But death isn't an ending, Elyse. Just part of a longer journey. Death begets life, remember. One does not exist without the other. ~ Sarah Ockler

Abby's my sister, Hudson. We're twins."
"Oh thank God! I mean thank God ... that you ... have a sister ... what a special ... um, napkin? ~ Sarah Ockler

Keep it," he says. "Something to remember me by."
"I don't need a sweatshirt for that," I say, already putting it back on.
"Then keep it because it's cool."
"Deal. ~ Sarah Ockler

Maybe he's just ... craving the meatloaf?"
Dani hops off the counter and gives me the once over. "Craving the meatloaf? Is that what the kids are calling it now? ~ Sarah Ockler

The frosting shirt from your cake fight weeks earlier – just like the one you have in your closet. It was hanging inside his closet door, blue and crusty. It's probably still in there."
I smile, picturing Matt hanging his frosted shirt behind the door that night at the same time I was stuffing mine into its plastic bag in my room next door, totally freaked out about what had just happened.
"I didn't think you recognized it," I say. "That day we went through my closet before the trip. You wanted me to throw it out."
"I didn't recognize it that day. But once I saw the picture in your journal, it started to come together. ~ Sarah Ockler

Weeping is not the same thing as crying. It takes your whole body to weep, and when it's over, you feel like you don't have any bones left to hold you up. ~ Sarah Ockler

Aunt Rachel says tahat the universe is always trying to speak to us, and that the universe doesn't waste time speaking about things that aren't within our direct power to influence or change. But if that's true, the universe needs a better signal. ~ Sarah Ockler

I was falling in love.
I am losing my father.
With Emilio Vargas.
To smoke and shadow.
My heart fluttered.
My heart aches.
To feel it.
To deny it.
Life.
Death.
Possibilities.
Endings ~ Sarah Ockler

They tear each other apart. Sometimes there aren't any happy endings or logical explanations and we just have to accept that and move on. Sometimes it really is that simple. ~ Sarah Ockler

Ladies and gentlemen, Princess Pink has officially brung it. ~ Sarah Ockler

Virgin, right? the voice asks again. It comes from the tall one with white-blond hair falling into his eyes. Frankie is still giggling, and my entire body goes hot and red, despite the chill in the water. If Frankie thinks she's just going to auction me off, well ... I don't know. It's kind of hard to be witty when you're trying to call forth a giant sea squid to swallow you up and drag you down to the depths of the ocean floor, never to be seen, heard from, or mocked again. ~ Sarah Ockler

All the people who'd brought me here, past and present, ancient and young, legend and life and lore, I channeled. I welcomed them into my infinite heart, alongside the ghosts, the shadows, the ache I'd always carry. I made their strength mine, a part of me. My inspiration. My voice. ~ Sarah Ockler

There's more, Anna. When we first got to California," she says, "you asked me if I remembered your birthday party." I nod, picking at a thread on her comforter. "I did remember. Matt was acting like such a space cadet that night after we got home – like he was floating. I can't believe I didn't figure it out, but of all the things that he could have been thinking about, you were the last – I mean, my mind just didn't even go there. You were like our sister."
"But I–"
"Wait – let me get this out." She looks at me hard, her broken wing eyebrow trembling to keep the tears back. "After I brushed my teeth, I walked into his room. He was sitting on his bed, playing with that blue glass necklace he always wore, a big smile on his face. Remember the necklace?"
The necklace.
"Of course."
"I asked him what was so funny. He jumped a little, not knowing I'd been watching him smile there like a goofy little kid. He said it was nothing – just that he had fun at the party. And I believed him, all the way up until the day I read your journal. That's when it all made sense. All the times he'd ask me about who you liked at school, or who wanted to take you to whatever dance."
She's quiet as I digest her story, putting the pieces together to form a complete whole from the missing half that's haunted me since that night – how did he really feel about me? Was it just one stupid moment, perpetuated a little too long, only to be forgotten as quickly as it came? A ~ Sarah Ockler

Every day you wake up and think, we'll fix things tomorrow. ~ Sarah Ockler

Your heart's pounding like mad,' he whispered. Fingers brushed my collarbone, tapped gently. 'Ba-bom. Ba-bom. ~ Sarah Ockler

For a girl who's been burned before, risking it all is easier said than done. ~ Sarah Ockler

Whenever we could steal a few minutes alone, that's when we became the "other", the charged-up thing that kept me up at night, afraid of falling so fast, afraid of losing, afraid it wouldn't last once everyone found out. We stole too-short kisses in the front hallway, shared knowing and devious looks across the table when we weren't being watched. We snuck out every night behind the house to watch for shooting stars and whisper about life, our favorite books, about the meaning of songs. It wasn't the topics themselves that changed, we had talked about all of those things befores. But now, there was a new intensity, an urgency to know as much as we could, to fit as much as possible into our final nights, before somebody found out. ~ Sarah Ockler

We only had this one life. We could wish for the past all day long. We could look at old pictures and tell ourselves the same old stories but they're just that - stories. Memories. They happened. And maybe they were wonderful and amazing, and maybe they changed our lives in ways we'd never be changed again, but they no longer existed. By the time we stopped to reflect on one moment, it was gone, and another was instantly upon us, also destined to pass. ~ Sarah Ockler

Nothing ever really goes away
it just changes into something else. Something beautiful. ~ Sarah Ockler

In my time at the Cove, I'd spent many nights scribbling in my journal, attempting to write my way into a solution, into some kind of clarity and acceptance about what I'd lost and where I'd go from here. But maybe clarity was like love, shooting through you when you least expected it, when you'd finally stopped seeking it. ~ Sarah Ockler

And I don't want to talk about it, because one day his name will brush against my lips in her presence, and through and involuntary blushing of the cheeks, a misting of the eyes, a breath drawn too tightly, or a single tear, the secret I'm supposed to keep locked up forever will be revealed ~ Sarah Ockler

How easily some things can be broken for good and for bad, and how some things, no matter how shattered, can still go back together. Like Moo, my family may never be as strong as it once was. There are chips and cracks and scars, But some of them can be repaired, piece by piece, rebuilt into something even more cherished and loved and unique. ~ Sarah Ockler

If I closed my eyes as you were talking, it was like I was there, like your stories were my stories. In many ways, I feel as if I have memories of you there, too. ~ Sarah Ockler

Not so long ago I'd been convinced that losing my voice was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, the worst tragedy. But since then I'd been losing my whole self, everything I stood for, believed in, felt. Everything I ever wanted to be. Everything I ever was. ~ Sarah Ockler

Like the beach glass you guys always brought me. Sometimes I dump it out on my desk and press my ear to the pieces, trying to hear the ocean. Trying to hear you. ~ Sarah Ockler

Yes. I was just telling Elyse here ... frankly, kids, I'm not sure it's even legal to have a female first mate. We'd have to consult the rule book, but as far as I know, regatta's a man's race."
Christian's jaw ticked, just like it had with his father the night of the party. "Damn. Must have hit my head on the way out of that time machine. 1850, are we? I might need some new clothes. Elyse, you sew right? Don't all girls sew? ~ Sarah Ockler

Surrounding us is an ocean of mess and misunderstanding, full of pirates and sharks just waiting to see who slips in first ~ Sarah Ockler

I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with the way he erases things. ~ Sarah Ockler

How can you say it was all a lie?" I ask, just above a whisper. "Matt was my best friend. I loved him that way always. 'We have to look out for her.' That was the last thing he said to me alone. And then he died. What was I supposed to do, Frank? Tell me? ~ Sarah Ockler

Oh, so you're untouchable, huh, Delilah? You and your fucked-up relationship with your mother and everyone else in your life? Great. Does getting pissed at me make it better? does it fix ANYTHING?"
"You! Can't! Fix! Me! ~ Sarah Ockler

Emilio and his brothers had been a topic of more Jude-and-Zoe middle school gabfests than the Cullens, the Lightwoods, or any of the other mysterious yet fictional bad boys we dreamed about back then, and she'd freak if she knew he'd resurfaced. ~ Sarah Ockler

If you could, would you ask
For moonbeams in a heart of glass?
For sun rays on the silver sea?
Or would you ask for me? ~ Sarah Ockler

The hardest thing is that I'll never know exactly what I lost, how much it should hurt, how long I should keep thinking about him. He took that mystery with him when he died, and a hundred thousand one-sided letters in my journal wouldn't have brought me any closer to the truth than I was at the night I pressed my fingers to the sea glass he wore around his neck and kissed him back. ~ Sarah Ockler

He was always worrying about me – even when we were kids. If I scraped my knee or fell off my bike, he was the first one to help me up and make sure Mom got a Band-Aid."
"I remember." I smile. "He was the quintessential big brother."
"He was. But that's just it – he's not here to protect me anymore, Anna. And you don't have to be, either. I know I let stuff get crazy. I didn't mean to be like that – it just kind of happened. You couldn't have changed that. I – it was something I had to go through myself."
My throat tightens. "I felt like I let him down," I say. "All that stuff with smoking and Johan and Jake – I didn't take care of you. I couldn't even keep that one simple promise."
"Anna, my brother died. There's no way you could protect me from that. It's up to me, now. I let him down. I let me down. ~ Sarah Ockler

Tonight, when Frankie sits at the table and innocently knocks over her glass of Diet Coke, Aunt Jayne starts to cry, and the translucent veil of general okayness evaporates to reveal the honest, ugly parts underneath. ~ Sarah Ockler

I understand how easy it would be to lose yourself in the heart of another. It's frightening. Exhilarating. An ocean with no lifeguard. ~ Sarah Ockler

They say you can never step into the same river twice. And maybe that's how it was for Papi now, memories shifting and re-forming soundlessly beneath him while the rest of us sat on the shore and watched. ~ Sarah Ockler

I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, watched it settle against Emilio's lips. He shivered and whispered my name, and in that moment I knew the whole truth. I was falling in love. ~ Sarah Ockler

As we rolled down the Million Dollar Highway, I closed my eyes and held him close around the waist, and he squeezed my hand like it was forever, like we'd really found a way to stop time, and I wanted so, so badly to believe it. ~ Sarah Ockler

What is the statute of limitations on feeling guilty for cheating on a ghost? ~ Sarah Ockler

The guilt of not telling Frankie about Matt and me is overwhelming, but it's a pale second to the violation I feel that she read my most private, raw thoughts and destroyed them. She broke into my carefully guarded heart, stole the only remaining connection I had to Matt, and turned it into a monstrosity. ~ Sarah Ockler

Don't settle, okay? Not for anything. I mean it. You only get this one chance at life, far as I know. Take it. Even if its not with me. ~ Sarah Ockler

How can I fault her for trying to bury a truth that when exposed to air and sunlight could only hurt the ones she loves? ~ Sarah Ockler

When someone you love dies, people ask you how you're doing, but they don't really want to know. They seek affirmation that you're okay, that you appreciate their concern, that life goes on and so can they. Secretly they wonder when the statute of limitations on asking expires (its three months, by the way. Written or unwritten, that's about all the time it takes for people to forget the one thing that you never will). ~ Sarah Ockler

My eyes were closed and his mouth tasted like marzipan flowers and clove cigarettes, and in ten seconds the whole of my life was wrapped up in that one kiss, that one wish, that one secret that would forever divide my life into two parts. ~ Sarah Ockler

What if he thinks I'm a tourist girl looking for some romantics long distance love affair just so she can share his gushing, beach-stained postcards with her friends? ~ Sarah Ockler

Because they're parents. It's in the job description. Must drive minivans. Must be immune to fashion. Must be freaks. ~ Sarah Ockler

Somewhere along the seashore, a strange wind blows over the ocean, and twenty oblivious boys simultaneously look up from their surfboards. ~ Sarah Ockler

I thought of Atargatis, the First, frightening and beautiful. The mermaid goddess who lived on in the soul of every woman who'd ever fallen in love with the ocean.

I thought of Sebastian, my little mermaid queen, how happy he was the day of the parade, just getting the chance to express himself, to be himself.

I thought of Vanessa, the story about how she and her girlfriends became feminist killjoys to get a women's literature core in their school, the way she'd accepted me this summer without question, gently pushed me out of my self-imposed shell. Of her mother, Mrs. James, how she'd grabbed that bullhorn at the parade and paved the way for Sebastian's joy.

I thought of Lemon, so wise, so comfortable in her own skin, full of enough love to raise a daughter as a single mom and still have room for me, for her friends, for everyone whose lives she touched with her art.

I thought of Kirby, her fierce loyalty, her patience and grace, her energy, what a good friend and sister she'd become, even when I'd tried to shut her out. I thought of all the new things I wanted to share with her now, all the things I hoped she'd share with me.

I thought of my mother, a woman I'd never known, but one whose ultimate sacrifice gave me life.

I thought of Granna, stepping in to raise her six granddaughters when my mom died, never once making us feel like a burden or a curse. She'd managed the cocoa estate with her son, personally s ~ Sarah Ockler