Paullina Simons Quotes

The struggle doesn't end just because you know the way. That's when it's only beginning. ~ Paullina Simons

Sanchez got the phone call, listened carefully, glanced over at Spencer, in Whittaker's office, having his morning coffee. Hung up the phone, got up, went and knocked on the door, asked if he could see Spencer a moment, and lowering his voice said, "Carl downstairs just called me because someone wants to file a vagrancy report.
Spencer slapped him on the back. "Detective Sanchez, thank you for bringing the particulars of your job description to my attention. Well done. Go to it.
Sanchez hemmed and said, "The young woman says she is Lily Quinn. Specifically asked for me, Carl says.
Spencer didn't slap him on the back this time. He stared at Carl and then said, "All right smart-ass, go back to you desk.
"That's what I thought," said Sanchez. ~ Paullina Simons

I think you kept three credits, consciously or subconsciously, so that you could hang on to something, hang on and not move forward. I think you want to feel that you're still unfinished.
She wanted to tell her grandmother that she was still unfinished. Unfinished, unanswered, unformed. ~ Paullina Simons

Awash in a flood of hostility and despair, they battled and railed and shattered their bodies on one another, unable to find one strand, one sobering swallow of solace. ~ Paullina Simons

I'll take your breath any way you give it to me, Shura. ~ Paullina Simons

He sent you to redeem me, to comfort me, and to heal me - and that's just so far, he added with a smile. ~ Paullina Simons

Alexander speaks. Anthony, I'm going to tell you something. In 1941, when I met your mother, she had turned seventeen and was working at the Kirov factory, the largest weapons production facility in the Soviet Union. Do you know what she wore? A ratty brown cardigan that belonged to her grandmother. It was tattered and patched and two sizes too big for her. Even though it was June, she wore her much larger sister's black skirt that was scratchy wool. The skirt came down to her shins. Her too-big thick black cotton stockings bunched up around her brown work boots. Her hands were covered in black grime she couldn't scrub off. She smelled of gasoline and nitrocellulose because she had been making bombs and flamethrowers all day. And still I came every day to walk her home. ~ Paullina Simons

I'm getting off the boat at Coconut Grove. It's six and you're not on the dock. I finish up, and start walking home, thinking you're tied up making dinner, and then I see you and Ant hurrying down the promenade. He is running and you're running after him. You're wearing a yellow dress. He jumps on me, and you stop shyly, and I say to you, come on, tadpole, show me what you got, and you laugh and run and jump into my arms. Such a good memory.
I love you, babe. ~ Paullina Simons

Alexander smoked and watched her from his tree stump bench. What are you doing? she would ask him.
Nothing, he would reply. Nothing but growing my pain into madness. ~ Paullina Simons

All Alexander hears is his mother pleading, screaming, crying into the closed face of the consulate guard, as he keeps trying to pull her away, Please please please help him, we have money, a place to live, help him, help him, help him - ~ Paullina Simons

Tatiana had imagined her Alexander since she was a child, before she believed that someone like him was even possible. When she was a little girl, she dreamed of a fine world in which a good man walked its winding roads, perhaps somewhere in his wandering soul searching for her. ~ Paullina Simons

Alexander shows Anthony how he crouches and she climbs on his shoulders; he straightens up, holding on to her hands and then lets go, and she also straightens up and balances, standing on top of his shoulders for a long moment before pushing off his trapezoid in a nearly perfect, splashless forward dive. Mom, says Anthony, looking impressed, where did you and Dad learn to do that? And Dad, glancing at Mom in the water, says, Lazarevo. ~ Paullina Simons

Marx himself wrote that capitalism produces above all its own gravediggers. Do you think that perhaps he wasn't talking about capitalism? ~ Paullina Simons

Tatiana said. "Go on with Dasha. She is right for you. She is a woman and I'm-" "Blind!", Alexander exclaimed. Tatiana stood, desolately failing in the battle of her heart. "Oh, Alexander. What do you want from me ... "
"Everything", he whispered fiercely. ~ Paullina Simons

He had his one life. In June 1942 he went to Lazarevo holding it in his hands. By the shores of the Kama, he found her gorgeous and restored, and not just restored to her original shining brilliance but enlarged and clarified. Light reflected off her, no matter which way she turned. They ran down to the almighty river. She never even looked back. She would never know what it meant to him, an unremitting sinner, after all the unsacred things he had seen and done, to have her innocence. He held her to him. He had dreamed of it too long, touching her. Dreamed of seeing her naked too long, beautiful, bare, ready for him. He was afraid to hurt her. He had never been with an untouched girl before; he wasn't sure if he was supposed to do something first. In the end, he did nothing first, but she baptized him with her body. There was no Alexander anymore; the man he knew had died and was reborn inside a perfect heart, given to him straight from God, to him and for him. ~ Paullina Simons

Alexander - " "Now that it's morning, I'm suddenly Alexander again?" Gazing up at him, Tatiana whispered, "Oh, Shura ... " And Alexander could no longer bear it. He bent to her face and kissed her. Her lips were as soft and young and full as he had imagined them to be. Tatiana's whole body started to tremble as she kissed him back with such tenderness, such passion, such need that Alexander involuntarily emitted a small groan. He was bewildered by her hands pressing his head into hers and not letting go. "Oh, God ... " he whispered into her parted mouth. ~ Paullina Simons

Maybe that's what grown-ups did. They kissed your breasts and then pretended it meant nothing. And if they could pretend really well, it meant they were really grown-up.
Or maybe they kissed your breasts and it really was nothing.
How was that possible? To touch another human being that way and have it mean nothing?
But maybe if you could do that, it meant you were really grown-up. ~ Paullina Simons

Why was this more difficult for me than for my father? I didn't know for certain that it was. But where I wanted to linger, he wanted to speed up. He wanted to rush through his Shepelevo, so he could again leave it behind and forget. With our American eyes we saw our past life. There was so much that needed to be forgotten. I was crushed by the relentless poverty of it. But the smell, the heady, intoxicating smell, more powerful even than the sight of Shepelevo. The sight of Shepelevo tore us up inside. Yet the smell was nothing but bliss. ~ Paullina Simons

Tania, when I found you, I felt for that hour or two we were together - before Dimitri, before Dasha - that somemhow I was going to right my life." Alexander smiled bitterly. "I had a sense of hope and destiny that I can neither explain nor understand. ~ Paullina Simons

You are my hand grenade, my artillery fire. You have replaced my heart with yourself. ~ Paullina Simons

Tatiana realized she was too young to hide well what was in her heart but
old enough to know that her heart was in her eyes. ~ Paullina Simons

I can't brethe."
She was embracing him the way he used to embrace her in Lazarevo. And for the same reason. "Open your mouth," she whispered, leaning onto his face. "I'll breath for you. ~ Paullina Simons

I was blinded by stupidity for a brief moment in our life, for a flicker in the eternity in which you and I live, and I stumbled. ~ Paullina Simons

Though outwardly Kristina maintained that a clean room was a symptom of a diseased mind (for how could she, while studying the world's greatest thinkers, be bothered with such mundane earthly issues as cleaning?), inwardly she hated untidyness and made a point of spending as little time in the room as possible. ~ Paullina Simons

Shura, I'm yours. You may not like it today, you may not want it tonight, you may wish for it all to be different now, but it remains, and I remain, as always, only yours. Nothing can change that. Not your wrath, your fists, your body or your death. ~ Paullina Simons

I know what keeping a promise means." "No, you only know what making a promise means," Alexander said. "You are very good at making the promise. It's keeping the promise you have a problem with. ~ Paullina Simons

Yes. It was Tatiana, not specter but matter. She was measurable. His little Newton had mass and occupied space. A small finite matter in infinite space. That is what math gave him - principles of design that tied together the boundless universe. That is why he measured her. Because she was order. ~ Paullina Simons

I have a certain sensibility that I bring to my writing that comes from knowing two things: what I as a reader like to read, and what as a writer I am capable of. I know my own limits. I know there are things I cannot do. ~ Paullina Simons

Do you see the Field of Mars, where I walked next to my bride in her white wedding dress, with red sandals in her hands, when we were kids?"
"I see it well."
"We spent all our days afraid it was too good to be true, Tatiana," said Alexander. "We were always afraid all we had was a borrowed five minutes from now."
Her hands went on his face. "That's all any of us ever has, my love," she said. "And it all flies by."
"Yes," he said, looking at her, at the desert, covered coral and yellow with golden eye and globe mallow. "But what a five minutes it's been. ~ Paullina Simons

Shura," she whispered. "I'm going to have a baby."
At first she didn't think Alexander heard her, he was mute so long. "You what?" he said in horror.
"I'm going to have a baby," she mouthed, her shoulders quaking, her swollen lips quivering. ~ Paullina Simons

At first Tatiana could not get through her day without physically holding herself together. There was no comfort inside her, and she knew it. There was nowhere she could turn to inside herself to leave the darkness. No memory she could fondly think of, no gentle joke, no musical refrain. There was no part of her body she could touch without shuddering. Nowhere she could look without seeing Alexander. ~ Paullina Simons

Why do you enjoy torturing yourself? Do you feel life has been too good to you?"
Tatiana stared at him. "Life has," she said slowly, "been too good to me. ~ Paullina Simons

journal, not looking at Alexander, even when ~ Paullina Simons

All grimy and sweaty, Alexander drew her to him, his palms on her back, and bending to her and tilting his head, whispered into her mouth, Tatiasha, I know you won't believe this, but if I'm looking at the sheets when I'm making love to you, we've got a bigger problem than what damn color they are. ~ Paullina Simons

Live as if you have faith," she said, "and faith shall be
given to you. ~ Paullina Simons

Tatiana and the soldier were having a silence ~ Paullina Simons

I couldn't wait to get out of the car. The first thing I did was smell the air. I closed my eyes and took a breath, the biggest breath of my life, knowing I was taking the biggest breath of my life. I was taking a breath to smell Shepelevo. Breathing in Shepelevo was like hitting the right note on the piano. There was only one right note. When I was young, Shepelevo was the smell of nettles, of salted smoked fish, of fresh water from the Gulf of Finland, and of burning firewood, all wrapped up in one Shepelevo. As it had been, so it was. Across two continents, a dozen countries, twenty cities, three colleges, two marriages, three children, three books, and twenty-five years of another life, I breathed it and smelled the air. Nowhere else in the world had it. "Papa," I said, my voice breaking. "Do you think we could photograph the smell?" He gave me a look and then laughed. ~ Paullina Simons

This late afternoon, they stood shoulder to shoulder at the masthead, watching the dockhands tie up the boat. Though she was four years younger and a girl, they were nearly the same height, Gina and Salvo. Gina was actually taller. No one could figure out where she got the height; her parents and brothers were not tall. Look, the villagers would say. Two "piccolo" brothers and a "di altezza" sister. Oh, that's because we have different fathers, Gina would reply dryly. Salvo would smack her upside the head when he heard her say this. Think what you're saying about our mother, he would scold, crossing himself and her at her impudence. ~ Paullina Simons

And when Tatiana lifted her glistening eyes to him, Alexander was looking down at her with his I'll-get-on-the-bus-for-you-anytime face. ~ Paullina Simons

What little I had was all for you. It was you who was everybody else's. But I was only yours. ~ Paullina Simons

You and I want to much from this Soviet life".
"I want nothing from this life", said Tatiana. "Just you".
"Me, and running hot water, and electricity, and a little house in the desert, and a State that doesn't ask for your life in return for these small things".
"No", Tatiana said, shaking her head. "Just you".
Moving her hair back under her scarf, Alexander studied her face. "And a State that doesn't ask for your life in return for me. ~ Paullina Simons

Daughters are supposed to be friends to their mothers in their old age. ~ Paullina Simons

This is the best time, Tatiana," Alexander said. "Do you want to know why?" "Please don't tell me." "There will never be a time like this again. Never this simple, this uncomplicated." "You call this uncomplicated?" Tatiana shook her head. "Of course." Alexander paused. "We're just friends, walking through Leningrad in the lucent dusk. ~ Paullina Simons

Tatia: I think its too big to fit ~ Paullina Simons

Dear God, Tatiana prayed in bed that night, turning to the wall and pulling the white sheet and the thin brown blanket over herself. If You are there somewhere, please teach me how to hide what I never knew how to show. ~ Paullina Simons

Dasha bent him to her and kissed him on the mouth. And kissed him and kissed him. And kissed him. ~ Paullina Simons

When I was in Colditz, that impenetrable fortress, whittling away my life, I wanted to know this."
"Looks like you're still there, Shura."
"No," he said. "I'm in New York, a fly on the wall, trying to see you without me. ~ Paullina Simons

You have to keep your audience in your mind; if you're writing stuff that you know nobody's going to care about then you should rethink what you're doing! ~ Paullina Simons

We thought the hard part was over - but we were wrong. Living is the hardest part. Figuring out how to live your life when you're all busted up inside and out - there is nothing harder. ~ Paullina Simons

They had no past. They had no future. They just were. ~ Paullina Simons

Will you remember that? Anywhere you are, if you can look up and find Perseus in the sky, find that smile, and hear the galactic wind whisper your name, you'll know that it's me, calling for you ... calling you back to Lazarevo. (Alexander) ~ Paullina Simons

Why was it that the young were always convinced they had invented sex? ~ Paullina Simons

Alexander to Tatiana: I love you as much as it is possible for a man to love a woman. ~ Paullina Simons

He hugged her. "Be strong for me, Tatiana," Alexander said hoarsely. "Save yourself for me." "That's what I do, Shura," Tatiana said. "I save myself for you." Alexander bent to her, but she couldn't even look up. He kissed the top of her hat. They held on for a few more seconds. ~ Paullina Simons

Tatiana, I love you. Do you hear me? I love you like I've never loved anyone in my whole life. Now, get up. For me, Tatia. For me, please get up and go take care of your sister. Go on. And I'll take care of you. His lips kissed her cheek. ~ Paullina Simons

I walked into my dream and kept walking with my Leningrad in front of me and behind me and all around me. I wasn't carrying Russia with me. It was carrying me. ~ Paullina Simons

How instant it was, desire. It was like a bomb exploding, fragmenting and igniting all her nerve endings. ~ Paullina Simons

What strength he once possessed had left his body and gone to a tiny girl with freckles. ~ Paullina Simons

We'll meet again in Lvov, my love and I ... Tatiana hums, eating her ice cream, in our Leningrad, in jasmine June, near Fontanka, the Neva, the Summer Garden, where we are forever young. ~ Paullina Simons

I found my true love on the banks of the river Kama," whispered Alexander, staring at her. "I found my true love on Ulitsa Saltykov-Schedrin, while I sat on a bench eating ice cream." "You didn't find me. You weren't even looking for me. I found you." Long pause. "Alexander, were you ... looking for me?" "All my life. ~ Paullina Simons

He was breathing heavily. "I honestly don't understand what's wrong with you," he said. "You're telling me to pack my bags, to leave our house, knowing you're going to have a baby?"
"And this surprises you why? Have you seen what's been happening in our house?"
"Stop talking to me like this in our bed, Tatiana. My white flag is up," said Alexander. "I have no more."
"My white flag is up, too, Shura," she said. "You know when mine went up? June 22, 1941. ~ Paullina Simons

What a prison you have set up for me with your first love."
She put her arms tighter around him and said teasingly, "Oh, so the first love part you believe, but the first kiss part you have a problem with? What kind of girl do you think I am?"
"The nicest girl," he whispered. ~ Paullina Simons

She lived so much inside the balloon of her desires that she didn't want the needles of reality puncturing her carefully crafted, multi-coloured fragile daydream palloncino. ~ Paullina Simons

Not bombs nor my broken heart can take away from me walking barefoot with you in jasmine June through the Field of Mars. ~ Paullina Simons

Are you worried? About moving to Russia?" She smiled. "No, mio caro figlio. I'm not worried either." She kissed him. "My lovely, living boy," she said, kissing him between each word. "My hope" - kiss - "my happiness" - kiss - "my love, my life, my joy." Kiss, kiss, kiss. ~ Paullina Simons

Alexander. Here he is, before he was Tatiana's, at the age of twenty, getting his medal of valor for bringing back Yuri Stepanov during the 1940 Winter War. Alexander is in his dress Soviet uniform, snug against his body, his stance at-ease and his hand up to his temple in teasing salute. There is a gleaming smile on his face, his eyes are carefree, his whole man-self full of breath-taking, aching youth. And yet, the war was on, and his men had already died and frozen and starved … and his mother and father were gone… and he was far away from home, and getting farther and farther, and every day was his last – one way or another, every day was his last. And yet, he smiles, he shines, he is happy. ~ Paullina Simons

Soldier! Let me cradle your head and caress your face, let me kiss your dear sweet lips and cry across the seas and whisper through the icy Russian grass how I feel for you ... Luga, Ladoga, Leningrad, Lazarevo ... Alexander, once you carried me, and now I carry you. Into my eternity, now I carry you.
Through Finland, through Sweden, to America, hand outstretched, I stand and limp forward, the galloping steed black and riderless in my wake. Your heart, your rifle, they will comfort me, they'll be my cradle and my grave.
Lazarevo drips you into my soul, dawn drop by moonlight drop from the river Kama. When you look for me, look for me there, because that's where I will be all the days of my life. (Tatiana) ~ Paullina Simons

Her once twinkling green eyes set deep into the pale features looked as if they were the only ghastly crystal barriers between strangers and her soul. ~ Paullina Simons

Thank you," she whispered, "for keeping yourself alive, soldier."
"You're welcome," he whispered back. ~ Paullina Simons

She held the money to her chest and tried to fathom Alexander's heart. He was the man who, a few meters away from freedom, from America, had chosen to turn his back on his lifelong drea. Feel one way. Behave one way, too. Alexander may have hoped for America, but he believed more in him-self. And he loved Tatiana most of all. Alexander knew who he was.
He was a man who kept his word.
And he had given it to Dimitri. ~ Paullina Simons

Ask yourself these three questions, Tatiana Metanova, and you will know who you are. Ask: What do believe in? What do you hope for? What do you love? ~ Paullina Simons

Dasha introduced Alexander to Marina. They shook hands and both stared at each other for longer than was appropriate. Marina, embarrassed, stepped away, averting her gaze. Alexander smiled, putting his arm around Dasha. "Dasha," he said, "so this is your cousin Marina." Tatiana wanted to shake her head at him, while a perplexed Marina remained speechless. Later on in the kitchen, Marina said to Tatiana, "Tania, why did Dasha's Alexander look at me as if he knew me?" "I have no idea." "He is adorable." "You think so?" said Dasha, who was heading past the girls to the bathroom, leaving Alexander in the corridor. "Well, keep your hands off him," she added cheerfully. "He's mine." "Don't you think?" Marina whispered to Tatiana. "He's all right," said Tatiana. "Help me wash this frying pan, will you?" Adorable Alexander stood in the doorway, smoking and grinning at Tatiana. ~ Paullina Simons

I want you to know that should something happen to me, don't worry about my body. My soul isn't going to return to it, nor to God. It's flying straight to you, where it knows it can find you, in Lazarevo. I want to be neither with kings nor heroes, but with the queen of Lake Ilmen. ~ Paullina Simons

Alexander, you broke my heart. But for carrying me on your back, for pulling my dying sled, for giving me your last bread, for the body you destroyed for me, for the son you have given me, for the twenty-nine days we lived like Red Birds of Paradise, for all our Naples sands and Napa wines, for all the days you have been my first and last breath, for Orbeli- I will forgive you. ~ Paullina Simons

Mimoo shook her head. "Too sleepy for her maybe, but ideal for her mother, who worries too much. I don't need excitement in my life. I've had enough of it, thank you." She shrugged. "Gia will be fine. She'll be fine anywhere."
"Gia?"
"It's Gia when I love her," said Mimoo. "My husband never called her anything but that. Me, I love her, but she drives me crazy. So headstrong. To call her stubborn like a mule is an injustice to mules. The mules are St. Francis compared to her."
Harry laughed. ~ Paullina Simons

After Brenda brought the baby and Tatiana fed him, she went to open the window again and then perched herself up on the window sill, cradling the infant in her arms. "Look, Anthony," whispered Tatiana in her native Russian. "Do you see? Do you see the water? It is pretty, right? And across the harbor there is a big city with people and streets, and parks. Anthony, as soon as I am better, we will take one of those loud ferry boats and walk on the streets of New York. Would you like that?" Stroking her infant son's face, Tatiana stared across the water. "Your father would," she whispered. ~ Paullina Simons

Lazarevo drips you into my soul, dawn drop by moonlight drop from the river Kama. When you look for me, look for me there, because that's where I'll be all the days of my life. ~ Paullina Simons

They came with their children, for no one left the children behind - it was for the children they had come, wanting to give them the halls of American, the streets, the seasons, the New York of America. ~ Paullina Simons

Never forget where you came from, Gina Attaviano, Alessandro said to her before he died. Then it will always be easy. ~ Paullina Simons

And then, because she was Tatiana and because she couldn't help herself, and because he wouldn't have it any other way, she ran to him and was in his arms. ~ Paullina Simons

When I was growing up, 'Anna Karenina' was one of my favourite books. ~ Paullina Simons

He is just protective over me-" "Not protective, Tania. Consumed. ~ Paullina Simons

Ladies," Alexander said, his arm around Tatiana's neck, "we're newlyweds." He raised his eyebrows. "Do you really want us in your house? ~ Paullina Simons

What are you so worried about? What makes you think if we got together that we'd even stay together? We wouldn't, most likely. Nothing is permanent, especially in this town. Everything is just another set, waiting to be dismantled and hauled to the dumpster. We'd hook up, have some fun for a few weeks, a few laughs, nothing wrong with that. And then we'd go out separate ways. It would end the way most things end. I'd think about you for a while. Maybe you'd think about me. I'd ache for you a little bit, the way one does when things are over, even things that aren't meant to be. I'd get busy with my life. You'd get busy with yours. We'd say we'd keep in touch. But we never would. And when people asked, we'd say we had a thing once, you and me. One minute it was, and the next it wasn't. It didn't mean it wasn't real. It just wasn't forever. And years later maybe we'd run into each other on the street somewhere, and you'd barely remember my name. And I'd barely remember yours. I'd say to you, hey, remember how you once loved me? And you'd say sorry, not really. And I'd say yeah, me neither. ~ Paullina Simons

Harry leaned back, his hat over his inscrutable face.
"Well?" Ben nudged him. "Thomas Paine, or a nubile beauty from Sicily?"
"Clearly Thomas Paine. I'd be asleep now in my bed."
"Do you remember the name of the street they live on?"
"Let's see ... Crazy Street? Cuckoo Street? Commitment Street? Cranial Injury Inflicted by Enraged Sibling Street?"
"Canal Street! Thank you."
"I'm going to stop speaking."
"Harry, admit it, if you weren't so utterly uninterested in all women save Alice, you would be sitting on this train yourself."
"Ben Shaw, I hate to point out the startlingly obvious, but I am sitting on this train myself."
"Exactly!"
"Ugh."
"I'm surprised to learn that Lawrence is the world leader in the production of cotton and woven textiles. Are you?"
"Stunned. ~ Paullina Simons

Here, take this, she would say, take this, and tell me where he is. Tell me whether he's dead or alive, so I can walk as his widow or his wife.
No one would, or could, tell her, and so she continued to cook, and to learn new things all the while searching for an answer among the outcasts.
The way he carried his body, the way he walked in my life, Tatiana thought, declared that he was the only man I had ever loved, and he knew it.
And until I was alone without him, I thought it was all worth it. ~ Paullina Simons

A bus came. The soldier turned away from her and walked toward it. Tatiana watched him. Even his walk was from another world; the step was too sure, the stride too long, yet somehow it all seemed right, looked right, felt right. It was like stumbling on a book you thought you had lost. Ah, yes, there it is. ~ Paullina Simons

As Stepanov turned to go, Alexander said, "Sir ... " He was so weak he almost couldn't get the words out. He didn't care how cold the wall was, he could not stand on his own anymore. He pressed his body against the icy concrete and then sank down to the floor. "Did you see her?" He lifted his gaze to Stepanov, who nodded. "How was she?" "Don't ask, Alexander." "Was she - " "Don't ask." "Tell me." "Do you remember when you brought my son back to me?" Stepanov asked, trying to keep his voice from breaking. "Because of you I had comfort. I was able to see him before he died, I was able to bury him." "All right, no more," said Alexander. "Who was going to give that comfort to your wife?" Alexander put his face into his hands. Stepanov left. Alexander sat motionlessly on the floor. He didn't need morphine, he didn't need drugs, he didn't need phenobarbital. He needed a bullet in his fucking chest. ~ Paullina Simons

Alexander Barrington, I want forever love in you. ~ Paullina Simons

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days moved
earth and heaven, that which we are, we are
Unyielding. ~ Paullina Simons

Alexander knew that before he had light instead of darkness, he had to deserve light instead of darkness. ~ Paullina Simons

Love is, to be loved," said Alexander, "in return. ~ Paullina Simons

You will find a way to live without me. You will find a way to live for both of us,' Alexander said to Tatiana as the swelling Kama River flowed from the Ural Mountains through a pine village named Lazarevo, once when they were in love, and young. ~ Paullina Simons

You're the last line of defense. When you're dead, Hitler will march through Leningrad the way he marched through Paris. Do you remember that?'
'That's not fair. The French didn't fight,' Tatiana said, wanting to be anywhere right now but standing in front of men loading artwork from the Hermitage onto armored trucks.
'They didn't fight, Tania, but you will fight. For every street and for every building. And when you lose
'
'The art will be saved.'
'Yes! The art will be saved,' Alexander said emotionally. 'And another artist will paint a glorious picture, immortalizing you, with a club in your raised hand, swinging to hit the German tank as it's about to crush you, all against the backdrop of the statue of Peter the Great atop his bronze horse. And that picture will hang in the Hermitage, and at the start of the next war the curator will once again stand on the street, crying over his vanishing crates. ~ Paullina Simons

I tend to be a great optimist when it comes to the United States and the American way of life, I think precisely because I wasn't born into it. ~ Paullina Simons

Lowering his voice, he said, "In America we have a custom. When you're given presents for your birthday, you're supposed to open them and say thank you."
Tatiana nervously looked down at the present. "Thank you." Gifts were not something she was used to. Wrapped gifts? Unheard of, even when they came wrapped only in plain brown paper.
"No. Open first. Then say thank you."
She smiled. "What do I do? Do I take the paper off?"
"Yes. You tear it off."
"And then what?"
"And then you throw it away."
"The whole present or just the paper?"
Slowly he said, "Just the paper."
"But you wrapped it so nicely. Why would I throw it away?"
"It's just paper."
"If it's just paper, why did you wrap it?"
"Will you please just open my present?" said Alexander ~ Paullina Simons

I just don't know how I'm going to survive you, Tatiana. ~ Paullina Simons

To lead a life so wholly happy, so wholly unexamined that she could be dying, could be betrayed, could be besieged on all sides and never even know it. ~ Paullina Simons

I will make you insane, her memory screamed at her near the winter window sill as Tatiana smelled the brine of eternity. On the outside you will walk and smile as if indeed you are a normal woman, but on the inside you will twist and burn on the stake, I will never free you, you will never be free. ~ Paullina Simons

Please stop looking at me, she thought, afraid of his eyes and terrified of her own heart. ~ Paullina Simons