Dorrit Bradshaw Quotes

Where are you, Adam? According to the book of Genesis, Adam went into hiding after the fall. By trying to be more than human, Adam felt less than human. Before the fall, Adam was not ashamed; after the fall he was. Toxic shame is true agony. It is a pain felt from the inside, in the core of our being. It is excruciatingly painful. ~ John Bradshaw

When you come from a family of ten children you learn very early on in life to stand up for yourself and hold your ground regarding the things you're passionate about. ~ Sufe Bradshaw

Shame is the root of all addictions. ~ John Bradshaw

The shared secret and the shared denial are the most horrible aspects of incest. ~ John Bradshaw

Another dynamic aspect of the sexual conversion of basic needs is the pleasure of sexual orgasm itself. When one is shamed through abandonment, the pain is deep and profound. One feels worthless; one feels painfully diminished and exposed. When one experiences sexual stimulation and climax, one has available an all-encompassing and powerful pleasure. This pleasure can take the place of any other need. In a poignant passage, Kaufman sums up the process of converting all needs into sexuality. He writes: A young boy who learns never to need anything emotionally from his parents is ... faced with a dilemma whenever he feels young, needy or otherwise insecure. If masturbating has been his principle source of good feeling ... he may resort to masturbation in order to restore good feelings about self at times when he is experiencing needs quite unrelated to sexuality. ~ John Bradshaw

Imagine yourself sitting on top of a great thoroughbred horse. You sit up there and you just feel that power. That's what it was like playing quarterback on that team [the Pittsburgh Steelers]. It was a great ride. ~ Terry Bradshaw

Emotions are a form of energy in motion. They signal us of a loss, a threat or a satiation. Sadness is about losing something we cherish. Anger and fear are signal of actual or impending threats to our well-being. Joy signals that we are fulfilled and satisfied. Whenever a child is shamed through some form of abandonment, feelings of anger, hurt and sadness arise. Since shame-based parents are shame bound in all their emotions, they cannot tolerate their children's emotions. Therefore, they shame their children's emotions. When their emotions are shamed, children numb out, so they don't feel their emotions. ~ John Bradshaw

With the child already shame-based, the feeling of discouragement takes over the whole personality. As the shame-based child forms her primitive conscience, shame becomes immorality or neurotic guilt. The conforming child believes he can do nothing right, ~ John Bradshaw

No one girl or woman deserves to feel like a vicious attack was her fault. ~ Sufe Bradshaw

Why do magazines do this to women?" Miranda complains now, glaring at Vogue. "It's all about creating insecurity. Trying to make women feel like they're not good enough. And when women don't feel like they're good enough, guess what?"
"What?" I ask, picking up the grocery bag.
"Men win. That's how they keep us down," she concludes.
"Except the problem with women's magazines is that they're written by women," I point out.
"That only shows you how deep this thing goes. Men have made women coconspirators in their own oppression. I mean, if you spend all your time worrying about leg hair, how can you possibly have time to take over the world? ~ Candace Bushnell

Since the earliest period of our life was preverbal, everything depended on emotional interaction. Without someone to reflect our emotions, we had no way of knowing who we were. ~ John Bradshaw

You can't dodge them all. I got hammered plenty of times through the years. But you just get up and keep playing. I can tell you from experience, though. Sometimes it hurts like hell. ~ Terry Bradshaw

Toxic shame, the shame that binds us, is experienced as the all-pervasive sense that "I am flawed and defective as a human being." Toxic shame is no longer an emotion that signals our limits; it is a state of being, a core identity. Toxic shame gives you a sense of worthlessness, a sense of failing and falling short as a human being. Toxic shame is a rupture of the self with the self. It is like internal bleeding - exposure to oneself lies at the heart of toxic shame. A shame-based person will guard against exposing his inner self to others, but more significantly, he will guard against exposing himself to himself. Toxic shame is so excruciating because it is the painful exposure of the perceived failure of self to the self. In toxic shame the self becomes an object of its own contempt, an object that can't be trusted. As an object that can't be trusted, one experiences oneself as untrustworthy. ~ John Bradshaw

From the moment I met Christina Georgia, I knew why Mr. Bradshaw had chosen her. She was incredibly smart and thoughtful, and her emerald green eyes were huge and wise. Her wispy blond hair was beautiful and shoulder-length, and her bubblegum pink lips stood out on her pale face. She was awesome, and we were friends after about two minutes of talking. ~ Embee

Obama doesn't run around wearing a Carrie Bradshaw-esque nameplate necklace that says 'Socialist.' But his policies, actions, words, background and associations speak louder than any ID necklace ever could. ~ Monica Crowley

I'll be back at sea by then," Bradshaw put in, "so I'll comfort myself with the knowledge that you'll name
the infant after me."
"I don't think 'Half-wit' will pass muster with Georgie, but I'll let her know that's your suggestion. ~ Suzanne Enoch

I could not bounce back from my divorce - emotionally - I just could not bounce back. ~ Terry Bradshaw

I think when it comes to women who write or who fancy ourselves 'hip downtown literati', there is a certain contempt for being overly sexual or really looking for boyfriends. We tend to be marginalized as some 'Sex & The City' Carrie Bradshaw chick-lit dummies who just want shoes and a ring. ~ Julie Klausner

Toxically shamed people tend to become more and more stagnant as life goes on. They live in a guarded, secretive and defensive way. They try to be more than human (perfect and controlling) or less than human (losing interest in life or stagnated in some addictive behavior). ~ John Bradshaw

I was not used to criticism. ~ Terry Bradshaw

It's said on my world that the only thing evil needs to succeed is for good men to do nothing." - Will Bradshaw ~ Arthur Daigle

On the other hand, it seemed to be working. For Samantha, anyway. And in comparison, my own relationship with Bernard was sorely lacking. Not only in sex, but in the simple fact that I still wasn't sure I was ever going to see him again. I guess the best thing about living with a guy is that you know you're going to see him again. I mean, he has to come home at some point, right? ~ Candace Bushnell

As a child I was not allowed to express my feelings, so I had to go back through therapy and express the child's pain. ~ John Bradshaw

Maybe you can't have it both ways. His life and your life. How do you put two lives together, anyway? ~ Candace Bushnell

Children aren't fooled. They know we give time to the things we love. ~ John Bradshaw

As with any relationship, the market favors those who give more value than they ask for. ~ Leslie Bradshaw

Being abandoned through the neglect of our developmental dependency needs is the major factor in becoming an adult child. We grow up; we look like adults. We walk and talk like adults, but beneath the surface is a little child who feels empty and needy, a child whose needs are insatiable because he has a child's needs in an adult body. This insatiable child is the core of all compulsive/addictive behavior. ~ John Bradshaw

I've never understood sexy lingerie. I mean, what's the point? The guy's only going to take it off. ~ Candace Bushnell

Therefore Flora said, though still not without a certain boastfulness and triumph in her legacy, that Mr F.'s Aunt was 'very lively to-day, and she thought they had better go.' But Mr F.'s Aunt proved so lively as to take the suggestion in unexpected dudgeon and declare that she would not go; adding, with several injurious expressions, that if 'He'--too evidently meaning Clennam--wanted to get rid of her, 'let him chuck her out of winder;' and urgently expressing her desire to see 'Him' perform that ceremony.

In this dilemma, Mr Pancks, whose resources appeared equal to any emergency in the Patriarchal waters, slipped on his hat, slipped out at the counting-house door, and slipped in again a moment afterwards with an artificial freshness upon him, as if he had been in the country for some weeks. 'Why, bless my heart, ma'am!' said Mr Pancks, rubbing up his hair in great astonishment, 'is that you?

How do you do, ma'am? You are looking charming to-day! I am delighted to see you. Favour me with your arm, ma'am; we'll have a little walk together, you and me, if you'll honour me with your company.' And so escorted Mr F.'s Aunt down the private staircase of the counting-house with great gallantry and success.

- Little Dorrit, Charles Dickens ~ Charles Dickens

I decided to write a book primarily because people talked me into it. ~ Terry Bradshaw

I don't really care about being accepted now. I wish I had been like that earlier. ~ Terry Bradshaw

I've become a handmaiden to other people's relationships. Aiding and abetting. And now I'm al alone. Thank God for Miranda. I'll always have her. Miranda will never have a relationship. So where the hell is she?

"Having sex," she repeats. She slides onto the cushion. "I met a guy and we've been having nonstop sex for the last two days. And the worst thing about it? I couldn't poop. I honestly could not poop until he finally left this morning."

"He's not the best-looking guy. But I told myself that looks aren't everything. And he really is smart. Which can be a turn-on. I've always said I'd rather be with a smart, ugly guy than a goodlooking dumb guy. Because what are you going to talk about with a dumb guy?"

"So then," Miranda continues, "we're walking through the Mews -- that cute little cobblestoned street -- and suddenly he pushes me up against the wall and starts making out with me!"

"I hardly know him," she giggles, "but so what? If it's right, it's right, don't you think? ~ Candace Bushnell

Maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they bring you down and sometimes, like now, they get you so high. ~ Candace Bushnell

Ride it when you retire. ~ Terry Bradshaw

Guilt is our morality shame and guards our conscience. It tells us we have transgressed our values. It moves us to take action and change. Shame warns us not to try to be more or less than human. Shame signals our essential limitations. Shame limits our desire for pleasure and our interest and curiosity. We could not really be free without our shame. There is an anonymous saying, "Of all the masks of freedom, discipline (limits) is the hardest to understand." We cannot be truly free without having limits. Joy is the exhilarating energy that emerges when all our needs are being met. We want to sing, run and jump with joy. The energy of joy signals that all is well. ~ John Bradshaw

While Bradshaw applauded McNabb for playing hurt, he offered this dose of reality for the Eagles If he doesn't stay healthy, it's over, ... What are you going to do You roll the dice. ~ Terry Bradshaw

Jemima was not pretty, the flatness and shortness of her face made her almost plain; yet most people looked twice at her expressive countenance, at the eyes which flamed or melted at every trifle, at the rich colour which came at every expressed emotion into her usually sallow face, at the faultless teeth which made her smile like a sunbeam. ~ Elizabeth Gaskell

THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY RULES 1. Control or Chaos. One must be in control of all interactions, feelings and personal behavior at all times - control is the major defense strategy for shame. In the less-than-human shameless marriage, both parents may be cocaine addicts or addicted in other ways. They may be dishonest criminals. The children experience chaos, as well as secrecy rules that guard their family's behavior. 2. Perfectionism or Anomie. Always be right in everything you do. The perfectionist rule always involves an imposed measurement. The fear and avoidance of the negative is the organizing principle of life. The members live according to an externalized image. No one ever measures up. In the less-than-human family, there are no rules - the children have no structure to guide them. ~ John Bradshaw

Shame is internalized when one is abandoned. Abandonment is the precise term to describe how one loses one's authentic self and ceases to exist psychologically. ~ John Bradshaw

I know I have to do the right thing. And the sooner you do the right thing, the better. You get it over with, and you don't have to worry about it anymore. But who does that in real life? Instead, you procrastinate and think about it and put it off and think about it some more until that one little pebble grows into a giant block inside your head. ~ Candace Bushnell

I used to wait tables at Gladstone's, a seafood restaurant, day in and day out. I made some of my best friends there. I taught dance and acting lessons to kids. It was awesome - an outreach program, Voices Unheard. I was a messenger for a couple of months. ~ Sufe Bradshaw

After three failed marriages, I know what it's like to be replaced. So that's kind of how Joey Harrington must feel today ... A former No. 1 choice looks to me like he's going to be a bust in Detroit. ~ Terry Bradshaw

The disowned part of self is an energy - an emotion or desire or need, that has been shamed every time it emerged. These energy patterns are repressed but not destroyed. They are alive in our unconscious. ~ John Bradshaw

I kept hearing I'd be traded to San Francisco. Man I would love that. I even went so far as to go into the locker room singing 'I left my heart in San Francisco'. Nobody laughed or said a word. I figured maybe I'd get my wish ~ Terry Bradshaw

I never was Carrie Bradshaw, but imagine how great it was to be told, "You are obligated to kiss all these men, to dress like that, and to carry on like that!" They were great guys, too. ~ Sarah Jessica Parker

If you play in the NFL and start for 10 years, it's not good. It is not good. ~ Terry Bradshaw

I guess knowledge alone does not equal wisdom. ~ Annie Bradshaw

I'm against people reading statements. When you read statement, I automatically take it as though you can't talk, and it's not real. ~ Terry Bradshaw