S.L.J. Shortt Quotes

Apart from my mangled face and the thirty percent scar tissue that covers my body I'm gorgeous!

Look honey, I ain't buying what you're selling so get out!"
"You prefer to be lying here or in the morgue?! Things got outta hand last night but at least you're alive! If we wanted you dead, don't you think I would have drained you by now, or dragged you outta here! We are trying to help you!"
"And I'm sure Jaws was just trying to help Quint! Get out!

You threw a bomb at me Jerry...frowny face.

We're not immortal, we just haven't died yet.

You're a chain-smoking, alcoholic hyper-violent sociopath with daddy issues!"
"When you say it like that it sounds bad ...

Cass, I know you're only trying to help but I will stab you in your face.

Freakin' fairies, you're too damn small!"
"Dude, you're a faecist."
"A what?"
"A fae-racist, you're a faecist."
"That's not even a real word!"
"Patten pending,

Well, what do you want me to do? Head butt my way through a few inches of steel?!" she snarled.
"Well, that would certainly earn you a cookie!

These little discoveries about my blood are coming about as hard and fast as a racehorse kicking me in the nuts and I‟m really starting to get sick of it. I got messed up blood, whoopdedoo! Why don‟t you dump some in a fuel tank and see if it‟ll run a car or maybe give it to a power company and see if they can make a new type of energy from it, I don‟t give a crap! It‟s in me, it ain‟t going anywhere and neither are the vamps that wanna chug it. This is just a slightly different scientific way of saying „I‟m screwed‟

So that's why vampires are so pissed off all the time? Because their junk's gone rusty?

You know, one of the tiny little perks that comes from having no parents is that you never have to worry about walking in on them ... you just took that away from me!

Boy, you are outta line!" Joe yelled.
"I'm outta line?! You're screwing a vampire!"
"You hypocritical little bastard!"
"Yeah, you're a hypocripical-hypocri-hyp-hyp-hyp, I HATE THAT WORD!

I'll tell you what isn't; why'd they only go for you? I mean me and Steve might as well have not even been there. They just wanted you.
Well, can you blame them? I mean, everyone wants a piece of this sweet ass.

So, what's the story?"
"No story. Just a nightmare."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, heavy compression lines in his cartilage, severe bruising on his kidneys, liver and lower intestines. Fracture marks on his collar bone, tibia, radius, humerus, scapular, femur and every single one of his ribs have been broken. Don't even get me started on the concussive damage to his skull and brain tissue. Twenty-three percent of this boys body is scared for life. And yet, every organ is functioning normally and his neurological activity is above average. He's eighteen years old and he weights about two bills but remove the scar tissue and he'd weigh about a buck-ten. All in all, I say he lived inside a hydraulic car press, went through the Napoleonic wars and was on board the Hindenburg when it went down in flame and yet he's okay ... this boy just refuses to die.

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ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! You tried to blow up your guardian angel?!"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time ...