Pete Hautman Quotes

The first step to success it's to imagine it

I suppose if we forgot stuff we'll never know we forgot it, because we won't remember

You ever watch a football game and get totally into it? Why? It's not a real battle. It's just a game somebody made up. So how can you take it seriously? Or, you ever see a movie that made your heart about jump out of your chest? Or one that made you cry? Why? It wasn't real. You ever look at a photo of food that made your mouth water? Why? You can't eat the picture.
...
Same thing with water towers and God. I don't have to be a believer to be serious about my religion.

I don't know and probably never will know enough about the true nature of the universe to tell anyone else what to believe, and I've come to distrust the words of those who have presumed to do so.

Dan is my ordinary friend. Everybody should have at least one ordinary friend and Dan is as ordinary as they come. He is so ordinary that most people have to meet him six or seven times before they remember his name.

Dear Miz Fitz,
My boyfriend is superhot so a lot of girls think up reasons to talk to him. It drives me ...
... Out of my Mind
Miz Fitz sez:
Maybe he is too hot for you. Send me his photo, name, and phone number. I will check him out and get back to you.

Later it might see moronic, but at that time it all made perfect sense.

The dead live in our memories.

Yes, books are dangerous. They should be dangerous - they contain ideas.

Guys have four personalities: the one they use with their parents, the one they use around other adults, the one they use for talking to girls, and the one they use for hanging with their friends. Leakage between the various personality types can cause serious problems.

I didn't know what to say, but one thing was for sure: The Bank of Ted was closed.

If you can imagine it, you're halfway there

I don't even know what the word strange means anymore ... that's really strange.

He's a guy. He has built in testosterone issues.

I know that the World is a terrible place, filled with wild animals and evil men and wicked woman.

TV was entertainment of the last resort. There was nothing on during the day in the summer other than game shows and soap operas. Besides, a TV-watching child was considered available for chores: take out the trash, clean your room, pick up that mess, fold those towels, mow the lawn ... the list was endless. We all became adept at chore-avoidance. Staying out of sight was a reliable strategy. Drawing or painting was another: to my mother, making art trumped making beds. A third choir-avoidance technique was to read. A kid with his or her nose in a book is a kid who is not fighting, yelling, throwing, breaking things, bleeding, whining, or otherwise creating a Mom-size headache. Reading a book was almost like being invisible - a good thing for all concerned.

Miz Fitz,
If my boyfriend would just once say "I'm sorry, I was wrong," I think I would die and go to heaven.
-Hellbound, a Lass
Miz Fitz sez:
You should wish for something realistic, like world peace.

So who are you today?

Do they really think that attending mass will make them better, or happier, or save them from an eternity of hellfire? Maybe they do. But there are something like ten thousand religions in the world. What makes them think that they happen to have been born into the right one? I have asked this question several times. So far, I haven't heard a good answer. Better to start your own religion, I think. That way you get to be your own pope.