Mohammed Hanif Quotes

life is a series of sweet coincidences

The innocent are punished. That's the world we live in.

It's futile to predict what love will make of you, but sometimes it brings you things you never knew you wanted.

Let's have a mango party on Pak One. Let's bring back the good old days.

A professional who didn't miss his target even in his death. If your boss had half your sense of humour, this Pakiland of yours would be a much livelier place.

Basic military rule: you manage your anger by kicking ass, not by rearranging the furniture in your room.

Men constantly feel hungry and women constantly feel sad. That's what marriage does to them. ~Teddy Butt, Our Lady of Alice Bhatti

Any man who reaches for a book when he thinks about you is a man that you should think about.

The problem with you khakis is that you have started believing your own nonsense.

The gate, probably built to accommodate an elephant procession, opens slowly and reveals an abandoned city dreamed up by a doomed king.

Get some sleep, Secretary General, get some sleep. Revolution can wait till the morning.

Shigri boy lost his marbles in the end but the plane General Zia is about to board has enough VX gas on it to wipe out a village.

First love, is like your first heart attack. Chances are that you'll survive it, but you don't outlive it. That first gasp for air is the beginning of the end. You have managed to breath some air in, and you think you are all right. You might think it's a matter of lifestyle, quit this, cut our red meat, walk, run, get a personal trainer, try shitting standing up, but... it'll get get you in the end.

He won't stop the war until you give him the peace prize.

Now we must put our heads together and suck national security.

She wants a surprise so big and so heavy it could flatten her in the middle of the road. She want a tied-to-a-rocket-and-launched-into-space kind of surprise.

The generals who had called Zia a mullah behind his back felt ashamed at having underestimated him: not only was he a mullah, he was a mullah whose understanding of religion didn't go beyond parroting what he had heard from the next mullah. A mullah without a beard, a mullah in a four-star general's uniform, a mullah with the instincts of a corrupt tax inspector.

She tries to maintain a nondescript exterior; she learns the sideways glance instead of looking at people directly. She speaks in practised, precise sentences so that she is not misunderstood. She chooses her words carefully, and if someone addresses her in Punjabi, she answers in Urdu, because an exchange in her mother tongue might be considered a promise of intimacy. She uses English for medical terms only, because she feels if she uses a word of English in her conversation she might be considered a bit forward. When she walks she walks with slightly hurried steps, as if she has an important but innocent appointment to keep. She avoids eye contact, she looks slightly over people's heads as if looking out for somebody who might come into view at any moment. She doesn't want anyone to think that she is alone and nobody is coming for her. She sidesteps even when she sees a boy half her age walking towards her, she walks around little puddles when she can easily leap over them; she thinks any act that involves stretching her legs might send the wrong signal. After all, this is not the kind of thing where you can leave your actions to subjective interpretations. She never eats in public. Putting something in your mouth is surely an invitation for someone to shove something horrible down your throat. If you show your hunger, you are obviously asking for something.

Men think that the best use of their eyes is to weigh a woman's anatomy

Our Lady of Alice Bhatti

Alice does not turn around, but only to stare at the judge, then she spits on the floor of the court and rushes out, two fat policewomen trying to keep pace with her.

So what is it really like? What happens when people die? Noor asks Alice Bhatti, who after finishing her shift has changed into a loose maxi and is lying down on a wheelie stretcher, her forearm covering her eyes. A half-torn poster on the wall behind the stretcher says : Bhai, your blood will bring a revolution. Someone has scrawled under it with a marker: And that revolution will bring more blood. Someone has added Insha'allah in an attempt to introduce divine intervention into the proceedings. Some more down-to-earth soul has tried to give this revolution a direction, and drawn an arrow underneath and scribbled, Bhai, the Blood Bank is in Block C.

Teddy accepts the challenge. 'It has bodies floating in it, and severed heads, bobbing up and down.' He realises that his dream doesn't sound very romantic. 'And some flowers also.

Alice Bhatti walks the walk of someone who thinks they can overcome their fear by taking measured steps.

He lives in a world where where people want their share of pain measured, labelled, packaged,with its ingredients identified in plain language. They want it to come with an expiry date and a guarantee that there is this and no more

If something has to be done, one might as well do it when one has a lot of free time.