Gary Chapman Quotes

Demonstrating patience and kindness to those around us in concrete ways blesses and enriches us as well. - Louise D. Flanders -

Positive Eye Contact Quality time should include loving eye contact. Looking in your child's eyes with care is a powerful way to convey love from your heart to the heart of your child. Studies have shown that most parents use eye contact in primarily negative ways, either while reprimanding a child or giving very explicit instructions. If you give loving looks only when your child is pleasing you, you are falling into the trap of conditional love. That can damage your child's personal growth. You want to give enough unconditional love to keep your child's emotional tank full, and a key way to do this is through proper use of eye contact. Sometimes family members refuse to look at one another as a means of punishment. This is destructive to both adults and children. Kids especially interpret withdrawal of eye contact as disapproval, and this further erodes their self-esteem. Don't let your demonstration of

Lack of love from parents often motivates their children to go searching for love in other relationships. This search is often misguided and leads to further disappointment.

Ask yourself: Does the action I am considering have any potential for dealing with the wrong and helping the relationship? And is it best for the person at whom I am angry? The two most constructive options are either to confront the person in a helpful way, or to consciously decide to overlook the matter.

The one thing I ask of the Lord - the thing I seek most - is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord's perfections. - Psalm 27:4

The one who looks at me is seeing the one who sent me. - John 12:45 niv

He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. - Ephesians 1:8

The best way to love your children is to love their mother [father]. That's true. The quality of your marriage greatly affects the way you relate to your children - and the way they receive love. If your marriage is healthy - both partners treating each other with kindness, respect, and integrity - you and your spouse will feel and act as partners in parenting.

A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, "Look, he was thinking of me," or, "She remembered me." You must be thinking of someone to give him a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn't matter whether it costs money.

Discipline is not a negative word. It comes from the Greek word to train.

He was a sincere husband who failed to understand the tremendous power of presence. His being there for his wife was more important than anything else in her mind. Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse's primary love language is receiving gifts. Your body becomes the symbol of your love. Remove the symbol, and the sense of love evaporates.

Most people spend far more time in preparation for their vocation than they do in preparation for marriage.

In the context of marriage, if we do not feel loved, our differences are magnified. We come to view each other as a threat to our happiness. We fight for self-worth and significance, and marriage becomes a battlefield rather than a haven.

6 If I love them only when they meet my requirements or expectations, they will feel incompetent and will believe it is pointless to do their best, since it is never enough. They will always be plagued by insecurity, anxiety, low self-esteem, and anger. To guard against this, I need to often remind myself of my responsibility for their total growth. (For more on this, you will want to read How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell.)

A true friend cares more about what is right than about pleasing you.

God's love freely working in us never fails to embrace others, helping them love too. - Jane Owen -

God has a Comforter available to be our Advocate whenever we need someone to warm us and be on our side. - Sheila Embry

We're never foolish to try to reach others with God's love.

The choice to love is the choice to take initiative. It is the choice to do or say something for the other person's benefit, something that would help make them a better person, something that would enrich their lives or make life more meaningful for them.

You cannot force someone to accept an expression of love. You can only offer it. If it is not accepted, you must respect the other person's decision.

An ancient sage once said, A soft answer turns away anger.

So you see, faith by itself isn't enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. - James 2:17

I think people desperately want to feel love.

Spend some time thanking God for loving us enough to give us His rules. - Kelly Combs

Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our together moments gazing into each other's eyes. It means that we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person.

Many people mess up every new day with what happened yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday, and in so doing pollute a potentially wonderful day. When bitterness, resentment, and revenge are allowed to live in the human heart, words of affirmation will be impossible to speak. The best thing we can do with past failures is to let them be history.

Often we feel that love results from others caring or providing for us, but our deepest emotional ties usually result from our investment in others. When someone says they've quit loving another, I often sense that the lack of love results from failing to invest in the life of that individual. When we invest patience and kindness and dispel our anger and judgments in relationships, we then find an emotional bond springs forth. Like most business transactions, love has to be invested in before we will discover a payoff.
Steven Thompson

Can't you see that [God's] kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? - Romans 2:4

Helping others see why they are special is a great way to remind them of how the heavenly Father loves them and has made them unique. - Jeanette Gardner Littleton

Love prays for others - as long as the prayers are needed. - Jeanette Gardner Littleton

The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.

Only by God's divine love can we truly forgive from the heart. - Jessica Talbot -

Love makes requests, not demands. When I demand things from my spouse, I become a parent and she the child.

But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. . . And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren. - Deuteronomy 4:9

Some husbands and wives think they are spending time together when, in reality, they are only living in close proximity. They are in the same house at the same time, but they are not together. A wife who is texting while her husband tries to talk to her is not giving him quality time, because he does not have her full attention.

Welcome to the real world of marriage, where hairs are always on the sink and little white spots cover the mirror, where arguments center on which way the toilet paper comes off and whether the lid should be up or down. It is a world where shoes do not walk to the closet and drawers do not close themselves, where coats do not like hangers and socks go AWOL during laundry. In this world, a look can hurt and a word can crush. Intimate lovers can become enemies, and marriage a battlefield.

Inside every child is an 'emotional tank' waiting to be filled with love.

Before marriage, we are carried along by the force of the in-love obsession. After marriage, we revert to being the people we were before we fell in love.

Treat them like native-born Israelites, and love them as you love yourself. Remember that you were once foreigners living in the land of Egypt. I am the Lord your God. - Leviticus 19:34

The decision to get married will impact one's life more deeply than almost any decision in life. Yet people continue to rush into marriage with little or no preparation for making a marriage successful. In fact, many couples give far more attention to making plans for the wedding than making plans for marriage. The wedding festivities last only a few hours, while the marriage, we hope, will last for a lifetime

No matter how young or old our parents and grandparents may be, let's think of creative ways to honor them.

It is the mistaken idea that if I reward mediocrity, I will curtail the person's aspirations to be better. That is a commonly held myth that keeps some parents from verbally affirming children. Of course, it's untrue.

What we dislike in others is often a weakness in our own lives.

We are talking about love, and love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. Most of us do things each day that do not come "naturally" for us. For some of us, that is getting out of bed in the morning. We go against our feelings and get out of bed. Why? Because we believe there is something worthwhile to do that day. And normally, before the day is over, we feel good about having gotten up. Our actions preceded our emotions.
The same is true with love. We discover the primary love language of our spouse, and we choose to speak it whether or not it is natural for us. We are not claiming to have warm, excited feelings. We are simply choosing to do it for his or her benefit. We want to meet our spouses emotional needs, and we reach out to speak his love language. In so doing, his emotional love tank is filled and chances are he will reciprocate and speak our language. When he does our emotions return, and our love tank begins to fill. p139

Empathetic listening is an awesome medication for the hurting heart.

Material things are no replacement for human, emotional love.

Are you Jesus in the flesh, a shining light to others? - Georgeanne Falstrom

Was I wrong when I humbled myself and honored you by preaching God's Good News to you without expecting anything in return? - 2 Corinthians 11:7

The author stipulates that while television lately background noise for a child, it tends to shift to the foreground for the adult. The adult pays enough attention to the media attention is paid to the child.

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. - Colossians 3:15

For God has not given us a spirit of fear. - 2 Timothy 1:7

Moses' arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur . . . stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. - Exodus 17:12

Finding out how your loved one feels love is an important step to expressing love effectively.

Anger held inside becomes hate.

Professor Leo Buscaglia notes, "There seems to be accumulating evidence that there is actually an inborn need for this togetherness, this is human interaction, this love. It seems that without these close ties with other human beings, a new born infant, for example, can regress developmentally, lose consciousness, fall into idocy and die.

It matters how you treat all people because all people matter. - Brenda Black -

We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. - 1 John 4:16

Your example is a witness - of God's love and yours. - James Hopkins -

In the area of linguistics, there are major language
groups: Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, English, Portuguese,
Greek, German, French, and so on. Most of us grow up
learning the language of our parents and siblings, which
becomes our primary or native tongue. Later, we may learn
additional languages but usually with much more effort.
These become our secondary languages. We speak and
understand best our native language. We feel most
comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a
secondary language, the more comfortable we become
conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and
encounter someone else who speaks only his or her
primary language, which is different from ours, our
communication will be limited. We must rely on pointing,
grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We can
communicate, but it is awkward. Language differences are
part and parcel of human culture. If we are to communicate
effectively across cultural lines, we must learn the language
of those with whom we wish to communicate.
In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional love
language and the language of your spouse may be as
different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you
try to express love in English, if your spouse understands
only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each
other. My friend on the plane was speaking the language of<

Love hugging and kissing my wife after we've been apart for a while.

Isolation is devastating to the human psyche.

A gentle hug for older folks - and anyone else - makes them feel like the treasures they are. - Dianna Brumfield -

We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.

When your spouse's emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life.

Love is not only realistic, but our only hope of survival.

We speak and understand best our native language. We feel most comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a secondary language, the more comfortable we become conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We must rely on pointing, grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We can communicate, but it is awkward.

Camp out in the living room. Spread your blankets and pillows on the floor. Get your Pepsi and popcorn. Pretend the TV is broken and talk like you used to when you were dating. Talk till the sun comes up or something else happens. If the floor gets too hard, go back upstairs and go to bed. You won't forget this evening!

The ancient biblical writings spoke of the husband and wife becoming "one flesh." That did not mean that individuals would lose their identity; it meant that they would enter into each other's lives in a deep and intimate way.

We needed love before we "fell in love," and we will need it as long as we live.

Since you are a temple of God, you should love like one too. - Mark Littleton

Often we fail to consider the fact that our social, spiritual, and intellectual interests are miles apart. Our value systems and goals are contradictory, but we are in love.

They entered the house and saw the child with his mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. - Matthew 2:11

I entrust my spirit into your hand. - Psalm 31:5

Sometimes the best use of resources is a gift or event that says, "I care." - Jeanette Gardner Littleton

Love is the attitude that says, I am married to you, and I choose to look out for your interests.

But if, once we return to the real world of human choice, we choose to be kind and generous, that is real love.

The latent potential within your spouse in his or her areas of insecurity may await your encouraging words.

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.

All of us blossom when we feel loved and wither when we do not feel loved.

What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.

If you are to become an effective gift giver, you may have to change your attitude about money.

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. - Romans 5:8

The Lord who created you says: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine." - Isaiah 43:1

Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love.

Always be willing to step out of the crowd to make a new friend. - Jeannie Fields-Dotson

Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn't really know very much. - 1 Corinthians 8:2

Nobody has the power to make you miserable ... unless you choose to give them that power. Choose to enjoy every drop of today!

Love is a choice.

Third, one who is "in love" is not genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person. "If we have any purpose in mind when we fall in love it is to terminate our own loneliness and perhaps ensure this result through marriage.

Life's deepest meaning is not found in accomplishments , but in relationships

Quality time does not mean we must spend our moments gazing into each other's eyes. It may mean doing something together that we both enjoy. The particular activity is secondary, only a means to creating the sense of togetherness. The important thing is not the activity itself but the emotions that are created between both.

I think that in today's world, by nature, we are all self-centered. And that often leads to selfishness.

The man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father. - Proverbs 29:3

Gifts are visual symbols of love.

Each of us has an individualized perception of the purposes of money, and we have various emotions associated with spendint it.

When we look forward to heaven, it shouldn't be material items that draw us, but love, joy, peace, and other intangibles. - Patrick Mitchell -

Overcoming our own comfort is sometimes exactly what will comfort someone else. - Sandy Cathcart

I have been doing marriage counseling for about 15 years and I realized that what makes one person feel loved, doesn't make another person feel loved.

God knows how often I pray for you. Day and night I bring you and your needs in prayer to God.

Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments.