Cory O'Brien Quotes

And then Loki gets jealous of how pretty Thor is and is like "I wanna dress up too.

He calls up all the gods like "HEY, GUYS YOU SHOULD COME OVER I'M HAVING A WEIRD COFFIN PARTY."

And all the gods are like "Oh s**t, weird coffin party. We'll be right over."

So they all get there and Set is like "All right I made this coffin. Whoever fits perfectly inside it gets candy.

So Custer's Indian scouts get him to the village but they're like "Dude, don't attack this you will definitely die" and Custer is like "DIE? MORE LIKE . . . NOT DIE" and his translators and his soldiers are like "No bro pretty sure we will actually die if we do this" and Custer is like "I appreciate your concerns but I did not get this far by listening to people. LET'S SPLIT UP, GANG WE'LL COVER MORE GROUND THAT WAY.

So considering how the current official religion of China seems to be something like "Stand still while we bulldoze your house to build this dam" it's hard to put a finger on the relationship between ancient Chinese tales and any specific religion.

Hey, is there a female version of wingman? Wingwoman sounds awkward. I'm coining a new phrase: Titcaptain. Tell your friends.

the first thing that's gonna tip everyone off that the world is ending is this thing called Fimbulvetr which just means THE WINTER OF WINTERS and that is exactly what it is. It is a winter MADE OF MULTIPLE WINTERS like, there is going to be a winter and then once that winter is finished there will be ANOTHER WINTER. And then after that maybe it will be spring? Think again, son. MORE WINTER.

That's all any of these myths have been trying to do. To take a huge, terrifying phenomenon, something you can only stare at and go "whoa", and turn it into something more our size. Something we can fit inside our puny brains. Something really cool, even: a story.

So he calls up Loki like "LOKI SOLVE MY PROBLEMS WITH GIANTS." And Loki is like "What? Why?" And Odin is like "REMEMBER HOW WE HAVE AN OATH OF KINSHIP THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY?" And Loki is like "Oh yeah. Why did we do that again?" And Odin is like "NO TIME FOR QUESTIONS. STALL THAT GIANT.

So basically
be careful never to be too awesome
or you will be mysteriously executed
just like Martin Luther King
and Gandhi
and Abraham Lincoln
and JFK
and Malcolm X
and Sitting Bull
and Crazy Horse
and... wow
why are we so mean to our best people?

and Thor really likes hair, I guess
so he gets SUPER ANGRY
and he chases down Loki and is like "Hey
how about I cut of all of your FACE?!"
and Loki is like "But I need my face
for making infuriating smirks with!

So the moral of the story
is that God hates vegetarians.

So Isis shows up in Byblos like "Hey queen my husband is embedded in your palace may I please extract him?"
And the queen is like "sure, go ahead. It's not like he's a major structural support or anything, right?" and Isis is like "haha, sucker".
And she goes and removes the pillar WITHOUT DAMAGING THE PALACE AT ALL
Thus inventing Jenga.

Loki sees her and he is like "Oh man that chick looks like she is about to get some TREASURE I want to RUIN THAT ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR HER because I am Loki and that is what I DO.

So Loki
(the god of being a needless prick all the time)

See, this is what the United States of America is all about.
You can wrestle a thousand bears and chew on a billion knives but in the end, you are only as good as the dude who stops you from dying of a gunshot while fucking a coyote.

So the moral of the story is that the primary ingredient for a successful nation is guns.

No, see what I'm trying to say is that I watch people organizing themselves into these neat little conflicts: Atheists versus Christians Jews versus Muslims Fundamentalists versus basically everybody and I feel like a kid in a broken home who can't get Mom and Dad to stop fighting. The assumption that every one of these groups is making - and I think it's important to acknowledge that every group, from scientist to Sikh, assumes this - is that they are right. That they are somehow behaving rationally. But the fact that we can get so angry about this stuff means that it's not rational and I think we could get a hell of a lot further by synthesizing these beliefs than by finding more and more nuanced ways to call each other dicks.

So, basically, what it all comes down to is that we are made of tears from the disembodied eyeball of a guy who fucks his own shadow and surrounds himself with spit and puke.
I'm gonna go cry now.
I hope it doesn't turn it into babies.

Narcissus is gorgeous. Like, imagine if someone could look exactly like bacon tastes and you have a pretty good picture of Narcissus (unless you're a vegetarian).

BUT ENOUGH SPIRITUALITY. BACK TO TITS AND BAD DECISIONS.