Brian Posehn Quotes

Guys don't do that when they go out. Guys don't wear outfits that feature the dong.

Metal is easily my favorite thing - Exodus and Anthrax and Megadeth - so it just kind of organically came through in the standup act.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.

If I see a beautiful woman walking down the street, a pretty lady, I'll yell, 'Homo!' She can't get pissed, and I still get the pleasure of yelling at her.

I love to visit the comic shops, and I don't want to call myself a 'foodie,' because that word is just stupid, but I love diner food, and I'm a hardcore fan of 'Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.'

A lot of the traditional sitcom stuff I did - I think I could have gone that route when I was younger as a staff writer, and I just didn't want to.

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.

One thing about writing 'The Sarah Silverman Program' was the concern that I don't give myself the best story, you know what I mean?

Once I could drive, I spent all my time in the city going to metal shows. I missed the first couple of Metallica shows because I was lame. By the time I got into them, they were playing places like the Kabuki.

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.

I've played D&D for years. I'm a comic book guy. Comic-Con in San Diego is nerd Christmas for me.

I had seen other comic friends of mine go to indie labels. Like David Cross and Pat Oswald went to Subpop, and Subpop didn't make total sense for me, but the metal version of that did. So I made a small list with Metal Blade, Prosthetic and couple of other labels, and Relapse was one of them.

I was just surprised when my wife told me we were having a baby. I was like, Wow, that's awesome. You're going to make a great single mom.

I got into Kiss before I got into anybody. The first thing I heard was 'Detroit Rock City.' I heard it in the school library, where I lived.

I've always hated the term 'alternative'; I only use it because when I say it, people know what I'm talking about. I always thought it was weird when guys like myself or Patton Oswalt or Dana Gould, these older guys, were called 'alternative' comedy.

Juvenile stuff has always made me laugh. It's what I know.

I think too much during my day-to-day life; I'm the guy who worries about everything.

I've written for the last 15 years on TV shows, but now I'm doing the new Charlie Sheen program, 'Anger Management.'

In D&D, I love playing the first guy through the door - the guy with the battle-axe. 'Where are the bad guys? Just point me at 'em!'

When I'm late it matters, but when everybody else is late it doesn't matter ... If that's the rule then just write it down and then I know, you know ... I'll read it and I'll write it down on my balls. Right here. Right here on the back of my balls is where I'll write it. On the very back. I'll just lift them and write it nicely.

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.

I try to hit all the places Guy Fieri visits in every city I go to. It's, like, something a 60-year-old would do.

Whenever you see riot footage on TV - you know, someone throwing a brick in Pakistan or somebody throwing a fiery piece of pooh through a Starbucks window up in Seattle - you ever see anybody throwing anything underhand? I think it just takes all the aggression out of the act.

I wasn't even aware that there are different styles of taxidermy, traditional and rogue. I wound up really liking the rogue stuff the most, just because it is more artistic and people can go anywhere with it. That stuff I really liked. Honestly, I would have liked to buy some of those pieces.

Always been a big heavy metal fan. I remember being 15 saying, Dude I'm going to love heavy metal forever. Heavy metal til I'm 60. I'm 35 now. I think I'm going to give it one more year.

I really hate Nicki Minaj, but I don't know why I hate her. I just hate her face, you know? So I went and just looked at some Nicki Minaj videos so I would have a leg to stand on if I ever met someone who liked her.

I've always been really good at staying busy. Even while I'm working, I'm looking at what the next thing is.

I feel very lucky that I've been able to carve out any niche at all in this business. It's so hard to get into.

I love writing. It's one of my favorite jobs. Of the things I get to do, I love sitting in a room and coming up with ideas, and I love going home and pounding them out.

I have tried to be more relatable, but I won't be relatable to everybody.

You don't hear Metallica complaining about Pearl Jam.

Grew up in a small town where there was only one crazy guy. He didn't even go insane doing anything good, like going to 'Nam or having an extended acid trip. Turns out - legend has it - he just had some bad cheese.

I used to own a stuffed piranha, but I haven't seen it in years. I don't even know what happened to it. Maybe my wife didn't want it to make the move from the last house to this one.

I just felt like I'd rather listen to even the worst metal song more than most current pop music.

I wanted to be a vet before I got into comedy, but then once I found out how much gore goes into that job, I wanted nothing to do with it.

Nerd rage to me is kind of just empty rage. I mean, ultimately, you're not going to do it; you're not going to fight somebody, you know.

My friends are trying to get me to go out on blind dates. Big 'NO' to that because all my friends are a bunch of lying geeks. They're always like, 'Brian, you're really gonna dig this girl. She's got Traci Lords' eyes, Michelle Pfeiffer's nose, Kim Basinger's lips.' Yeah, they always forget to tell me she's also got Charlie Brown's head.

I definitely talk about my love of metal to audiences, and I sort of realized it was always natural and never, 'Well, I'm going to be the heavy-metal comedian.'