Beatrice Sparks Quotes

Then there's me… non-relevant, non-predicable… ass-headed.

I pretend I've got lots of confidence and I'm a big jock and like that but deep inside I'm a frightened, insecure, can't-make-it failure.

The voice of every kid hooked on drugs, alcohol or the occult joins the sad chorus Not me! I didn't think it could ever happen to me. I was sure I could handle it.

I wanted to ask God to help me but I could utter only words, dark, useless words which fell on the floor beside me and rolled off into the corners and underneath the bed.

I can't believe that I changed so little. I expected to look old and hollow and gray, but I guess it's only me on the inside that has shriveled and deteriorated.

They don't think "I care," "I hurt," or "I have feelings." It just seems like I'm always "wrong," always "selfish," always "self-centered" and everything else that's negative and destructive.

I only know that I am now a priestess of Satan trying to maintain after a freak-out to test how free everybody was and to take our vows.

Maybe the new me will be different.

It's a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would be a gory, blood-smeared earth.

We get pissed off when someone tells us what to do, but we don't know what to do unless some fat bastard tell us.

I wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone in this whole world. I wouldn't hurt them physically or emotionally, how then can people so consistently do it to me? Even my parents treat me like I'm stupid and inferior and ever short. I guess I'll never measure up to anyone's expectations. I surely don't measure up to what I'd like to be.

I feel rotten but I can't change the way I feel.

Nobody's talking to me, but nobody's hassling me either. I guess you can't have everything.

I'm not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I've gotten from books.

The same old dumb teachers teaching the same old dumb subjects in the same old dumb school. I seem to be kind of losing interest in everything. At first I thought high school would be fun but it's just dull. Everything's dull. Maybe it's because I'm growing up and life is becoming more blase.

The complete bottom has fallen out of my life.

I'm really cracking. No, I'm beyond cracking. I'm shattered. I'm lost. I'm fragmented.

Judas, boredom is such a drag, drag, drag. Writing might be good therapy for me, though.

I hope they never have to go through the kind of soul searching that I am going through.

I used to think I was the only one who felt things. but I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity. It's a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would really be a gory, blood-smeared earth.

I've got to sleep. Sleep is my only way to escape.

I think I'd better take some of Gramps' sleeping pills, I'm never going to be able to sleep without them. In fact I think I'd better take a supply of them. He's got plenty, and I'm sure I'll have a few bad nights at home before I get straightened out. Oh, I hope it's just a few.

How can thoughts hurt so much when they aren't even physical?

I have invested my heart. There is a chance that it will be broken but also a chance at unlimited happiness.

I bet the pill is harder to get than drugs
which shows how screwed up this world really is!

Color intermingled with color. People intermingled with people. Color and people intercoursing together.

If people are going to keep a journal, they should do it when they're little, where all the good things happen, before life starts kicking you in the ass and in the head and every other places.

I guess this like everything else bad in life, will pass.

My biggest mistake: not wanting to help myself into thinking I am happy, that change would come about without really trying to change, or wanting to change. Procrastinating about changing. I do want to change.

I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Maybe Lewis G Carroll was on drugs too.

We are all in natural high, It was better than dope or booze or anything.

I love Coos Bay, and I love Acid!

Ife can sure be a downer.

Why so much hate in your mind when love is the only way to straighten things out?

Adolescents have a very rocky insecure time. Grown-ups treat them like children and yet expect them to act like adults. They give them orders like little animals, then expect them to react like mature, and always rational, self-assured persons of legal stature.

I'm afraid to live and afraid to die.

Like usual, what I want is not important, what I'm supposed to do that counts.

I'm partly somebody else trying to fit in and say the right things and do the right thing and be in the right place and wear what everybody else is wearing. Sometimes I think we're all trying to be shadows of each other, trying to buy the same records and everything even if we don't like them. Kids are like robots, off an assembly line, and I don't want to be a robot!

I don't want to get old. I have this very silly fear, dear friend, that one day I'll be old, without ever having really been young.