Penryn Quotes

You don't even like me, remember?" That's what I try to say. What actually comes out of my mouth is closer to a baby's first attempt at babbling.
"Shh." He runs his fingertips along my cheek, caressing my face. "Hush. I'm right here." He looks at me with deep anguish in his eyes. Like there's so much he wants to tell me but feel it's too late now.
I want to stroke his face and tell him that it will be okay. That everything will be all right.
And I wish so badly that it would be. ~ Susan Ee

You should be with a nice human boy. One who takes your orders and puts up with your demands. Someone who dedicates his life to keeping you safe and well fed. Someone who can make you happy. Someone you can be proud of. Raffe ~ Susan Ee

I'm revoking your warrior status," he says as he watches Clara and her family.
"I had warrior status?"
"For about thirty seconds."
"What heinous crime did I commit to lose my exalted status?"
"A true warrior would have retrieved her sword first before doing personal business."
"I'm all about personal business. Every battle I have is personal."
"Hmm. Good answer. Maybe you'll eventually regain your status."
"I won't hold my breath. ~ Susan Ee

Penryn: Oh, I wonder if I can find a pink sheath for Pooky Bear. Maybe with little rhinestones? ~ Susan Ee

Dedicated to readers like Penryn who have it tough at home, who had to grow up fast due to life circumstances, and who have no idea how much potential they really have. You are being fire forged, just like Penryn. And like her, you can turn your greatest trials into your greatest strengths. ~ Susan Ee

You're smarter than you look,' I say to Raffe.

'But not as smart as he thinks,' says Howler.

'I can see discipline has broken down during your vacation,' says Raffe.

'Yeah, it's all that lounging on the beach with nothing to do but drink and watch women. ~ Susan Ee

Obi sits on the cot and ties my ankles together. I'm tempted to make a quip about requiring dinner and a movie before getting so kinky, but I don't. ~ Susan Ee

It's amazing how many times we need to go against our survival instincts to survive. ~ Susan Ee

Oh, man," says Dum. "That would have been so awesome. Can you imagine? Boom!" He mimes a mushroom cloud. "Moo!"
Dee gives him a long-suffering look. "You´re such a child. You can´t just waste a nuke like that. You gotta figure out a way to control the trajectory so that when the bomb goes off, it shoots the radioactive cows into your enemies. ~ Susan Ee

You're not Fallen are you?"
"From everything I've heard, that would just make me more sexy to you Daughters of Men. What is it that you all see in bad boys? ~ Susan Ee

Penryn? Who are you talking to?" My mother sounds almost frantic now.
"Just my own personal demon, Mom. Don't worry. He's just a little weakling."
Weak or not, we both know he could have killed me if that's what he wanted. I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing I was scared, though.
"Oh." She sounds calm suddenly, as if that explained everything. "Okay. Don't underestimate them. And don't make them promises you can't keep." I can tell by her fading voice as she says this that she's reassured and walking away.
The baffled look the angel shoots at the door makes me chuckle. He glances my way, giving me a you're-weirder-than-your-mom look. ~ Susan Ee

I guess if I'd really thought things through, I would have been prepared for the screams. ~ Susan Ee

He sighs as if a little disgusted with himself. 'Lately, I seem to be all about you.'
'What makes you say that?' I wish my voice didn't sound so breathless.
'I'm sitting on the hard floor outside your door while you take a cozy little nap, aren't I? ~ Susan Ee

Good morning to you too," he says in a lazy drawl. I have my hand on the bathroom door when he says, "In case you were wondering, the answer is yes."
I pause, afraid to look back. "Yes?" Yes, it was him holding me through the night? Yes, he knows I liked it?
"Yes, you can come with me," he says as though he already regrets it. "I'll take you to the aerie. ~ Susan Ee

I never thought about it before, but I'm proud to be human. We're ever so flawed. We're frail, confused, violent, and we struggle with so many issues. But all in all, I'm proud to be a Daughter of Man. ~ Susan Ee

Raffe holds me a second longer than necessary before he puts me down. And then it takes me a second longer than necessary to slide my arms away from his neck. ~ Susan Ee

One second, we are surrounded by angels holding their swords. The next second, one of their arms drops and his sword thunks to the grass like a lead weight. The angel stares at his blade uncomprehendingly.
Another sword drops.
Then another.
Then a whole bunch, until all the other unsheathed swords fall, thudding on the grass like subjects bowing down to their queen.
The angels stare at the swords at their feet in utter shock.
Then everyone looks at me. Actually, it's probably more accurate to say they're looking at my sword.
"Whoa." That's about the most intelligent thing I can say right now. Did Raffe say something about an archangel sword intimidating other angel swords if she could gain their respect?
I swivel my eyes to look at the blade in my hands. Was that you, Pooky Bear? ~ Susan Ee

He glares at me. "I've had to watch you die once, isn't that enough?"
"All you have to do is make sure it doesn't happen again." I give him a sunny smile. "Simple."
"The only thing simple is you. Stubborn little ... " His grumbles fades to a point where I can't hear them, but I suspect they're not compliments. ~ Susan Ee

She [Anita] turns back to Raffe, her face melting into a radiant smile. She puts her hand on his arm as he's about to take off his pants.
And that's all the excuse I need.
I grab the sudsy shirt out of the gray water and throw it at her.
It makes a plop noise when it lands on her face, wrapping around her hair. Her perfect hair clumps into a stringy mass, and her mascara smears as the cloth slides wetly down her blouse. She emits a high-pitched squeal that turns every head within earshot.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I say in a sugary voice. "Did you not like that? I thought that's what you wanted. I mean, why else would you be putting your paws on my man? ~ Susan Ee

Who knew? I had no idea that someone could be such a thorn in your foot during a death march and still be irresistibly attractive in some magical, undeniable way."
"So is this what people call sweet nothings? Because somehow, I expected it to be a little more ... complementary. ~ Susan Ee

I'm Penryn. I'm named after an exit off Interstate 80."
"Nice." They nod as if to say they understand what it's like to have parents like that. ~ Susan Ee

Maggots are freaky hideous,' I say, getting up. I try to salvage some dignity, but I can't help but shiver and shake my hands in the air. It's an instinctive impulse, one I'm not up for resisting right now.
'You've fought off a gang of men twice your size, killed an angel warrior, stood up to an archangel, and wielded an angel sword.' Raffe cocks his head. 'But you scream like a little girl when you see a maggot?'
'It's not just a maggot,' I say. 'A hand burst out of the ground and grabbed my ankle. And maggots crawled out of it and tried to burrow into me. You would scream like a little girl too if that happened to you.'
'They didn't try to burrow into you. They were just crawling. It's what maggots do. They crawl.'
'You don't know anything. ~ Susan Ee

I never kid about my warrior demigod status."
"Oh. My. God." I lower my voice, having forgotten to whisper. "You are nothing but a bird with an attitude. Okay, so you have a few muscles, I'll grant you that. But you know, a bird is nothing but a barely evolved lizard. That's what you are. ~ Susan Ee

You should go,' Raffe says to me. 'This is no place for a human.'
'What about me being your second for the contest?'
'Nobody will remember that once they see the Watchers.'
'Are you sure you're not just trying to avoid getting back into the truck with me and my mom?'
He almost smiles. ~ Susan Ee

NO!" Raffe grips me as if he can bind my soul to my body. An upside-down view of the doorway shows up in my field of vision. Smoke waft through it.
Although the pain obscures Raffe's warmth, I feel the presure of his hug, the rocking of our bodies back and forth as he repeats the word, "No. ~ Susan Ee

This sword is not just an angel sword. She's an archangel sword. Better than an angel sword, in case that's not clear. She intimidates the other angel swords."
"What, the other swords quake in their scabbards when they see her? ~ Susan Ee

Just this once,' he says almost more to himself than to me. 'Just one moment.'
Then he leans down and kisses me. ~ Susan Ee

Let go, I say into his ear.
Raffe holds me tighter like there's no room for discussion. ~ Susan Ee

My mother hasn't asked the questions that a normal person would ask, and I'm grateful for it. It's like the world has become so crazy that it makes sense to her now.
I turn on the engine and drive us out. 'Thanks, Mom. For coming to rescue me.' My voice comes out reedy and a little wobbly. I clear my throat. 'Not every mom would do that in a world like this. ~ Susan Ee

He does a crazy zigzag maneuver before he straightens the car.
"A little forewarning would be nice," says Dee-Dum in a singsong voice.
"A little smoother driving would be nicer," I say mimicking his tone. ~ Susan Ee

What's your name?" I ask.

I don't need to know. In fact, don't want to know. Giving him a name makes it sound like we're somehow on the same side, which we can never be. It's like acknowledging that we could become friends. But that's not possible. It's pointless to make friends with your executioner.

"Raffe."

I only asked him his name to distract him from thinking about having to use his feet instead of his wings. But now that I know his name, it feels right. "Rah-fie," I repeat slowly. "I like the sound of that."

His eyes soften as though he smiles even though his expression doesn't change from his stony look. For some reason, it makes my face heat up.

I clear my throat to break the tension. "Raffe sounds like Raw Feet. Coincidence?" That gets a smile out of him. When he smiles, he really does look like someone you'd want to get to know. Some otherworldly handsome guy a girl could dream about.

Only he's not a guy. And he's too otherworldly. Not to mention that this girl is beyond dreaming about anything other than food, shelter, and the safety of her family. ~ Susan Ee

Woah' That's about the most intelligent thing I can say right now. ~ Susan Ee

I watch the beautiful performance with an ache in my chest.
Then, just when I can't stand the sadness anymore, a dancer floats out from the side of the stage. A dancer in ragged clothes, filthy and half starved. He's not even in ballet shoes. He's just barefoot as he glides out to take his place in the dance.
The other dancers turn to him, and it's clear that he is one of them. One of the lost ones. By the look on their faces, they weren't expecting him. This is not part of the practiced show. He must have seen them onstage and joined in.
Amazingly, the dance continues without a missed beat. The newcomer simply glides into place, and the final dancer who should have danced solo with her missing partner dances with the newcomer.
It is full of joy, and the ballerina actually laughs. Her voice is clear and high, and it lifts us all. ~ Susan Ee

Raffe must be thinking something similar because he tightens his grip around my waist as if to say, not this one ~ Susan Ee

Come on. Say it, Raffe." I give him a half smile. "I love it when you say Pooky Bear. It's just so perfect when it comes out of your mouth."
"She might kill you in your sleep one of these days just so she can get rid of that name. ~ Susan Ee

Don't you know a heartfelt declaration of love when you hear one? ~ Susan Ee

Raffe: "Have you named her yet" "she likes powerful names"
Penryn:I bite my lip
Raffe:he looks like hes bracing himself for the worst "what is it?"
Penryn: "Pooky Bear"
Raffe:"I am pooky Bear, from an ancient line of archangel swords ~ Susan Ee

Why is it that everyone else can look like they're part of a zombie hunting party, but I still have to worry about fashion?"
He won't stop snickering. "You look like a leopard-spotted Shar-Pei."
I think those are the little pug-like dogs drowning in massive folds of skin. "You're scarring me, you know. It could haunt me for the rest of my life to be called a wrinkly little dog at the tender age of seventeen."
"Yup. A sensitive girl. That just defines you, Penryn. ~ Susan Ee

It's about time you showed some sense. You should be afraid."
"I'm shivering because I'm freezing."
"You're cute when you're afraid."
I give him a dirty look. "Yeah, you're cute when you're afraid too."
"You mean I'm devastatingly handsome when I'm not afraid. Because you've never seen me afraid. ~ Susan Ee

That's crazy," I say
"In case you hadn't noticed, the whole world has gone crazy.
It's time to adapt or die."
"By throwing crazy at crazy? ~ Susan Ee

Tell me about Raffe."
Nothing.
"okay. Let's practice fighting," I said in an enthusiastic voice as if I'm talking to a little kid. "I could use more lessons."
Nothing.
"Right. Well, I guess I have nothing better to do now than to decorate the teddy bear with ribbons and bows. What do you think of dusky pink?"
The room wavers, then morphs. ~ Susan Ee

We walk for about an hour before Raffe whispers, "Does moping actually help humans feel better?"
"I'm not moping," I whisper back.
"Of course you're not. A girl like you, spending time with a warrior demigod like me. What's to mope about? Leaving a wheelchair behind couldn't possibly show up on the radar compared to that."
I nearly stumble over a fallen branch. "You have got to be kidding me."
"I never kid about my warrior demigod status."
"Oh. My. God." I lower my voice, having forgotten to whisper. "You are nothing but a bird with an attitude. Okay, so you have a few muscles, I'll grant you that. But you know, a bird is nothing but a barely evolved lizard. That's what you are."
He chuckles. "Evolution." He leans over as if telling me a secret. "I'll have you know that I've been this perfect since the beginning of time." He is so close that his breath caresses my ear.
"Oh, please. Your giant head is getting too big for this forest. Pretty soon, you're going to get stuck trying to walk between two trees. And then, I'll have to rescue you." I give him a weary look. "Again."
I pick up my pace, trying to discourage the smart comeback that I'm sure will come.
But it doesn't. Could he be letting me have the last say?
When I look back, Raffe has a smug grin on his face. That's when I realize I've been manipulated into feeling better. I stubbornly try to resist but it's already too late. ~ Susan Ee

We must be quite the sight. Raffe in his red mask with his demon wings spread out in all their scythe-edged glory. A scrawny teenage Daughter of Man brandishing an archangel sword. And a little girl stitched-up to look and behave like a nightmare who is clutching a pair of angel wings. ~ Susan Ee

What's wrong with going with me?' I ask.
'No one wants to be stuck with love birds.' Howler shakes his head.
'Awkward,' says Cyclone, already walking toward Thermo.
'You think I'd do something to risk a fall?' asks Raffe.
'You can't fall for anything you do here, Commander,' says Thermo. 'You're already in the Pit, so technically, it's equivalent to being in a Fallen state during the time you're here. ~ Susan Ee

I challenge you to come find us.' 'This is Penryn Young, Daughter of Man, Killer of Angels." Penryn ~ Susan Ee

...If it wasn't for you, I'd think that angels were all totally interchangeable.'
'You mean because I'm beyond perfect?'
'No. Because you're so humble.'
'Humility's overrated.'
'So is clear self-assessment, apparently.'
'Real warriors don't stand for psychobabble.'
'Or for rational thinking.'
He glances at my naked legs. 'No, not that rational, I admit. ~ Susan Ee

Sixers pour in from every edge of the bridge. We humans back into the center as they lumber toward us. I have my knives out, but they might as well be toothpicks pointed at an army of grizzlies. "Penryn!" I look up to see Raffe watching me with anguish in his eyes as his Watchers hold him at a safe distance from us. ~ Susan Ee

Are zombie girls allowed to talk?"
"If they're cute and willing to do zombie-girl mud fights"
"Duuude. Right on."
"That's a disgusting image" ...
"It's not liked we'd pick the decayed ones, Penryn. Just … fresh from the dead."
"Only, with ripped clothes and stuff."
"And hungry for breeeeasts."
"He means brains."
"That's exactly what I meant. ~ Susan Ee

I shut my eyes and try not to squeal. 'Get the maggots off me!'
Raffe brushes them off, but it feels like they're still crawling on my skin.
'So you do scream like a little girl,' says Raffe with some satisfaction in his voice. I open my eyes a second too soon, because I catch him tossing the severed hand into the sand ~ Susan Ee

When you're small enough to have to look up at everyone around you, there's no such thing as a dirty fight. That's a new motto for me. I think I'll keep it. ~ Susan Ee

Here and there, plumes of dark smoke reach into the sky like the fingers of a drowning man reaching up for the last time. ~ Susan Ee

Raffe throws me a dirty look. He bends over and swipes his arm behind my knees, lifting me up in his embrace.
'I can go with one of the locusts.' I stiffen in his arms and try to lean as far away from him as I can.
'The hell you will.' He runs a couple of steps before spreading his wings. ~ Susan Ee

I just got tired of the wetness sticking to me, that's all. I think I was pretty safe from the threat of your joke being funny. ~ Susan Ee

How do you know this is Paige?" I ask, pretty sure this is another fantasy. It's one thing to have Dad's tracking device. It's another to actually be tracking Paige, considering she needs to have the transmitter on her.
"The devil tells me." She lowers her head, looking troubled. "If I promise him certain things," she mumbles.
"Okay." I rub my forehead, trying to be patient. There's a certain art to getting information out of my mom. You need one foot in reality and one foot in her world to get a better picture of what she's talking about. "How does the devil know where Paige is?"
She looks up at me as if I'd asked the dumbest question in the world.
"The transmitter, of course. ~ Susan Ee

I shove the wooden debris out of the way until I see the smudged face of the teddy bear. "There she is." I carefully pull out the bear and sword. I proudly flip the bridal veil skirt to show him the scabbard. Raffe stares at the disguised sword for a second before commenting.
"Do you know how many kills this sword has?"
"It's a perfect disguise, Raffe."
"This sword is not just an angel sword. She's an archangel sword. Better than an angel sword, in case that's not clear. She intimidates the other angel swords ~ Susan Ee

You're naming your collector's-item, kick-ass sword that's made to maim and kill, specifically designed to bring your ginormous enemies to their knees and hear the lamentation of their women-Pooky Bear?"
"Yeah, you like it? ~ Susan Ee

Raffe looks over at the bloody knife in my hand. If I still had any doubts that it was you, that would do it. ~ Susan Ee

I watch in awe as Raffe pummels Beliel with blows so fast they're almost a blur. The force of the emotion behind those blows is immense. For the first time, he doesn't bother to hide his frustration and anger, or his longing for the wings he lost. ~ Susan Ee

Of course she's right. How bad are things when your clinically insane mother is more rational than you are? ~ Susan Ee

I'm gonna be sick," I say.
"I'm ordering you not to," says Obi.
"Ah, don't say that," says Dee-Dum. "She's a born rebel. She'll puke just to make a point."
"You're here for a reason, Penryn," says Obi. "And throwing up in my car is not part of it. Buck up, Soldier."
"I'm not your soldier."
"Not yet," says Obi with a wide grin. "Why don't you fill us in on what happened at the aerie? Tell us everything you saw and heard, even if you think it won't be helpful."
"And if you have to get sick," says Dee-Dum, "shoot for Obi's direction, not mine. ~ Susan Ee

Raffe: "The unruliness of the women in your family must go back for generations. You're like a plague upon the land."
Penryn: "So long as we're also a plague upon angels, I'm sure everyone else will forgive us."
Raffe: "Oh, you're definitely a plague upon at least one angel. ~ Susan Ee

He shakes his head sadly at me.'These are the rules we live by. We are soldiers, Penryn. Legendary warriors willing to make legendary sacrifices. We do not ask. We do not choose.' He says that like a motto, a pledge he'd said a thousand times. ~ Susan Ee

This is Penryn Young, Daughter of Man, Killer of Angels. ~ Susan Ee

He grins sourly. "I only make big bets that involve lives and the future of humanity." His shoulders slump as though the invisible weight on them is too much. "Speaking of which, you handled yourself well out there. Better than anyone expected. We could really use someone like you. There are situations that a girl like you could handle better than a platoon of men." His grin turns boyish. "Assuming you don't clock an angel for pissing you off."
"That's a big assumption. ~ Susan Ee

My only thought is that I am not going to end up truly dead this time in Raffe's arms. I am not going to be one more wound on his soul. ~ Susan Ee

There's a softness to Raffe's look that I've never seen before. It's not that I see naked longing or tender love or anything like that. And if I did, it would just be in my messed-up fantasies.
Not that I fantasize about him. ~ Susan Ee

What would you do if you had to make a run for it?' His voice is husky as he stares, mesmerized, at the unraveling thread.
'I'd grab my shoes and run.'
'Dressed like this? In front of lawless men?' His eyes drift up to my midriff.
'If you're worried about pervs breaking into the house, it's not going to make a difference whether I'm in this outfit or in baggy jeans and a sweatshirt. Either they're decent human beings or they're not. Their actions are on them.'
'It'll be tough for them to take any action while I'm pummeling their faces. Disrespect will not be tolerated.'
I half smile at him. 'Because you're all about respect.'
He sighs as if a little disgusted with himself. 'Lately, I seem to be all about you. ~ Susan Ee

At any other time, we would have been sheep in the company of wolves. But now, we have what people might call "presence". ~ Susan Ee

Those pigeons couldn't take us out if they send their entire chirping flock. ~ Susan Ee