Jennifer Niven Quotes

Sometimes all I did all day was just wander around in my mind. ~ Jennifer Niven

I say, "I love you."

She says, "I love you too." And then she laughs. "It's kind of crazy. I mean you."

"I know. What the hell?"

She covers her mouth with one hand, but her eyes are shining. I'm thinking about a field of grass on a summer day. I'm thinking about the sun and being warmed from the inside and warmed from the outside.

I take her hand under the gray-blue sky and I'm home. ~ Jennifer Niven

In that moment, I wish I could see it through his eyes. I wish he had glasses to give me. ~ Jennifer Niven

My body is like a single nerve ending from head to toe. Everything feels alive and more. My heart is opening, like the heart of Rappaccini's daughter, Beatrice, when she meets young Giovanni after he wanders into her garden. As I stand there, I can almost feel it unfold, petal by petal, beat by beat. ~ Jennifer Niven

Can you tell me what happened, Libbs? Can you tell me what has you so panicked?"

"All of it." That was my answer, even though I knew my dad was expecting something more specific. "Everything. It was you. Me. Aneurysms. Death. Cancer. Murder. Crime. Mean people. Rotten people. Two-faced people. Bullies. Natural disasters. The world has me panicked. The world did this. Especially the way it gives you people to love and then takes them away." But the answer was actually simple. I had decided to be afraid. ~ Jennifer Niven

I can't think of anything more depressing than to be an Egyptian high priest on display next to a set of vintage wagon wheels and a two-headed chicken. ~ Jennifer Niven

I am broken. I am fraud. I am impossible to love. ~ Jennifer Niven

Overdrive for a girl I barely know, all because she's the first person I've met who seems to speak my language. A few words of it anyway. ~ Jennifer Niven

Who cares for Algebra?
Who delights in solving math?
I only want to live my life
Along the creative path. ~ Jennifer Niven

me - everything might just explode. I keep my eyes on the road. "You know what I like about you, Ultraviolet Remarkey-able? Everything." "But I thought you didn't like me." And then I look at her. She raises an eyebrow at me. I ~ Jennifer Niven

Every forty seconds, someone is left behind to cope with the loss. ~ Jennifer Niven

I've always been different, but to me different is normal. i decide on a version of the truth. ~ Jennifer Niven

Our teachers remind us there are just five more weeks of school, and I should be happy, but instead I feel nothing. I feel a lot of nothing these days. I've cried a few times, but mostly I'm empty, as if whatever makes me feel and hurt and laugh and love has been surgically removed, leaving me hollowed out like a shell. I ~ Jennifer Niven

I skim through our notebook, thick with words, and then through our Facebook messages - so many now - and then I write a new one, quoting Virginia Woolf: Let us wander whirling to the gilt chairs. ... Are we not acceptable, moon? Are we not lovely sitting together here ... ? ~ Jennifer Niven

Dear friend, You are not a freak. You are wanted. You are necessary. You are the only you there is. Don't be afraid to leave the castle. It's a great big world out there. Love, a fellow reader ~ Jennifer Niven

The cadence of suffering has begun - Cesare Pavese

I
am
in
pieces. ~ Jennifer Niven

Just promise me you won't be one of those couples that stays together for the children, That only screws people up, including the children. ~ Jennifer Niven

People can be great, but they can also be lousy. I am often lousy. But not completely lousy. You, Libby Strout, are great. ~ Jennifer Niven

Better to keep the unhappy, mad, bad, unpleasant words separate, where you can watch them and make sure they don't surprise you when you're not expecting them ~ Jennifer Niven

If that blue could stay for ever; if that hole could remain for ever. There was nothing to make him last. ~ Jennifer Niven

I thought I could wait, but I can't. Sorry. ~ Jennifer Niven

It's okay to laugh, you know. The earth's not going to split open. You're not going to hell. Believe me. If there's a hell, I'll be there ahead of you, and they'll be too busy with me to even check you in. ~ Jennifer Niven

The last wandering ~ Jennifer Niven

Can go downstairs right now and let my mom know how I'm feeling - if she's even home - but she'll tell me to help myself to the Advil in her purse and that I need to relax and stop getting myself worked up, because in this house there's no such thing as being sick unless you can measure it with a thermometer under the tongue. Things fall into categories of black and white - bad mood, bad temper, loses control, feels sad, feels blue. ~ Jennifer Niven

The thing about sleeping is that there are so many other more interesting things to do. Complete waste of time ~ Jennifer Niven

Sometimes you got to just feel, especially when it comes to music. Notes, scales, they just get in the way. ~ Jennifer Niven

I didn't know that my life forever changing would be because you loved me and then left, and in such a final way. ~ Jennifer Niven

We are all alone, trapped in these bodies and our own minds, and whatever company we have in this life is only fleeting and superficial. ~ Jennifer Niven

Because we all have to die someday. I just want to be prepared. ~ Jennifer Niven

I'm a fuckup. I'm broken, and no one can fix it. ~ Jennifer Niven

In that moment, I'm thankful I'm not a parent and I wonder if I ever will be. What a terrible feeling to love someone and not be able to help them. ~ Jennifer Niven

People either see me or they don't. ~ Jennifer Niven

You're so worried that you can't ever be close to anyone, but it's not the face blindness that's to blame; it's you. All the smiling and the faking and pretending to be what you think people want you to be. That's what keeps you isolated. That's what screws you up. You need to try being a real person. ~ Jennifer Niven

Because I'm sitting next to you on this swing and you're beautiful ~ Jennifer Niven

I've learned the hard way that the best thing to do is say nothing about what you're really thinking. If you say nothing, they'll assume you're thinking nothing, only what you let them see. ~ Jennifer Niven

I like to think that the colors and sounds and words have nothing to do with him, that they're all me and my own brilliant, complicated, buzzing, humming, soaring roaring diving, godlike brain" -Finch ~ Jennifer Niven

The great thing about this life of ours is that you can be someone different to everybody. ~ Jennifer Niven

As she rattles on, about Violet, about Gemma Sterling, about the Bartlett Dirt, I don't say anything else. I suddenly don't want Bren or Charlie to talk about Violet, because I want to keep her to myself, like the Christmas I was eight - back when Christmases were still good - and got my first guitar, which I named No Trespassing, as in no one could touch it but me. ~ Jennifer Niven

This is what happens when people die. They start to disappear if you don't watch it. Not all at once, but a piece here, a piece there. ~ Jennifer Niven

What if life could be this way? Only the happy parts, none of the terrible, not even the mildly unpleasant. What if we could just cut out the bad and keep the good? This is what I want to do with Violet - give her only the good, keep away the bad, so that good is all we ever have around us. ~ Jennifer Niven

it's time I fear. ~ Jennifer Niven

I try to concentrate on the words, on the melody, but then she starts searching through songs, and this feels like my brain - fragments of words, fragments of melodies, fragments of moments, fragments of things. ~ Jennifer Niven

But I bring it up to let you know that this is the way I feel right now. Like Pluto and Jupiter are aligned with the earth and I'm floating. ~ Jennifer Niven

In 1912, a man named Franz Reichelt jumped off the Eiffel Tower wearing a parachute suit he designed himself. He jumped to test his invention
he expected to fly
but instead he fell straight down, hitting the ground like a meteor and leaving a 5.9-inch-deep crater from the impact. Did he mean to kill himself? Doubtful. I think he was just cocky, and also stupid. ~ Jennifer Niven

Sometimes they're just shitty people. Sometimes people have been shitty to them. Sometimes they're shitty because they're afraid.Sometimes they choose to be shitty to others before others can be shitty to them. Sometimes someone doesn't like who he is, but then here's this other kid who knows exactly who he is, and that can make that first kid feel even worse about himself. ~ Jennifer Niven

If only world leaders would get laid well and regularly, the world's problems might disappear. ~ Jennifer Niven

I feel homesick for this London I left behind. ~ Jennifer Niven

He smiles out at the ugly trees and the ugly farmland and the ugly kids as if he can see Oz. As if he can really, truly, see the beauty that's there. ~ Jennifer Niven

If there was one thing I'd learned, it was that you were responsible for your own ship. You had to look after the engine and make sure the plane was in order and ready to be flown. You were in charge of plotting your course. When you were in the pilot's seat, it was your hand on the throttle, no one else's. If your oil ran out or you lost your engine or the engine caught fire and you had to crash, you were the one saving yourself. No one else could do it for you. ~ Jennifer Niven

Like everything else that doesn't last, today is gone now, but it was a pretty good day. ~ Jennifer Niven

Maybe it's better that she's locked away from the rest of the world. Maybe she's not cut out to live like other people with other people. Maybe she belongs in that house forever. ~ Jennifer Niven

All you have to do is today ~ Jennifer Niven

I think of something my mom used to say, about how as scary as it is to go after dreams, it's even scarier not to. ~ Jennifer Niven

Did you kids have fun?" she asks, and we know she's hoping we'll beg for permission to never go there again. Decca ~ Jennifer Niven

The air is full of things we aren't saying, and I wonder if he feels it too. ~ Jennifer Niven

Before I die, I want to...be the person I'm meant to be and have that be enough. ~ Jennifer Niven

It's about the important things, like the way their face lights up when they laugh, or the way they move as they're walking towards you, or the way their freckles create a map of the stars. ~ Jennifer Niven

Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky. ~ Jennifer Niven

Brenda is staring at Roamer and the rest of the crying herd, her eyes dry and angry. I know what she's feeling. Here are these people who called him 'freak' and never paid attention to him, except to make fun of him or spread rumors about him, and now they are carrying on like professional mourners, the ones you can hire in Taiwan or the Middle East to sing, cry, and crawl on the ground. His family is just as bad. ~ Jennifer Niven

This girl," I tell Rachel. "That's not what I look like. That's not who I am." I have a feeling Rachel will get this because she pretended to be straight all through high school, even though she figured out she was a lesbian when she was in eighth grade.

I say it again, "That's not me."

Her eyes light up. "Great. Let's see if we can find her. ~ Jennifer Niven

Violet Markey.There's more to you than meets the eye. ~ Jennifer Niven

Before I die I want to __________. ~ Jennifer Niven

I turn to Libby. "You're kind. Probably the kindest person I know. You're also forgiving, at least a little, but I'm hoping a lot, and in my book that's a superpower." Her eyes are on mine, and there's a lot going on there. "You're smart as hell, and you don't take people's crap, least of all mine. You are who you are. You know who that is, and you aren't afraid of it, and how many of us can say that." She's not smiling, but it's not about what her mouth is doing. It's about her eyes. "You're strong too. It's not just a matter of being able to knock down a guy with a single shot to the jaw." (Everyone laughs, except her.) "I'm talking about inner strength. Like, if I would draw that inner strength it might look a lot like a triangle made of carbyne. That's the world's strongest material. You also make things better for people around you... ~ Jennifer Niven

All I know is what I wonder: Which of my feelings are real? Which of the mes is me? There is only one me I've ever really liked, and he was good and awake as long as he could be. ~ Jennifer Niven

Will you want me just as much when I'm fifteen feet nine inches? ~ Jennifer Niven

Do I feel I should be punished? Yes. Why else would I have given myself bangs? ~ Jennifer Niven

Last night is like a puzzle - only not put together: all the pieces are scattered everywhere and some are missing. I wish my heart wouldn't beat so fast. ~ Jennifer Niven

Sometimes people are just sh*tty. Sometimes they're sh*tty because they're afraid. Sometimes they choose to be sh*tty to others before others can be sh*tty to them. ~ Jennifer Niven

Sometimes in the darkest places, we find the brightest light. ~ Jennifer Niven

You can't do this to me.You were the one who lectured me about living.You were the one who said I had to get out and see what was right in front of me and make the most of it and not wish my time away and find my mountain because my mountain was waiting, and all that adds up to life.But then you leave.You can't just do that. ~ Jennifer Niven

I remember being so full of pain and anger that I wished nothing but tongue-burning on everyone who hurt me, especially Moses Hunt. But here's the thing- Merricat poisoned her entire family. The only crime I committed was being fat. ~ Jennifer Niven

Now, if you asked him what he was going to do with himself, he'd tell you he guessed he might do anything he set his mind to. But he'd say it in a far-off way, as if he didn't really mean it or care much at all. ~ Jennifer Niven

Maybe even the smallest places mean something. ~ Jennifer Niven

Along those lines, accept any and all thoughts (don't be afraid of them no matter what they are). ~ Jennifer Niven

He says, " 'Lovely' is a lovely word that should be used more often. ~ Jennifer Niven

There are different ways to die. There's jumping off a roof and there's slowly poisoning yourself with the flesh of another every single day. ~ Jennifer Niven

We alternate choosing places to go, but we also have to be willing to go where the road takes us. This means the grand, the small, the bizarre, the poetic, the beautiful, the ugly, the surprising. Just like life. But absolutely, unconditionally, resolutely nothing ordinary. ~ Jennifer Niven

He writes Before I die I want to and draws a line. He writes it again. Then he writes it a dozen more times. After we fill these up, we can keep going on the front of the building and down the other side. It's a good way to figure out just why we're here. ~ Jennifer Niven

Stop being afraid. Stop thinking too much.Fill the holes left behind. Drive again. Write. Breathe. ~ Jennifer Niven

Too much of my life feels like this already- trying to recycle something old into something new and better, disguising someone else's trash as some fresh, shiny thing. ~ Jennifer Niven

I mean, I know but I don't. I've always been different, but to me different is normal. ~ Jennifer Niven

Guys like Ryan Cross have a way of reminding you who you are, even when you don't want to remember. ~ Jennifer Niven

You can't stop living. ~ Jennifer Niven

I wanted to write something tough, hard, sad, but funny. ~ Jennifer Niven

For some reason, I don't like the way this sounds, as if a universe could exist in which I wouldn't know Finch. ~ Jennifer Niven

It was funny about writing. It was like flying or driving or playing an instrument. When you were doing it like you were supposed to be doing it, you knew it right inside of you. You could feel that this was the way it should be. But when you wrote a word that you didn't believe in, that didn't fit, it stuck out just like a bumpy landing or a bad turn or a false note. ~ Jennifer Niven

There is only now, and if now is only two days, then two days is your life and everything in it will be in proportion. None of us knows how long we have, maybe another month, maybe another fifty years -I like living as if I only have two days ~ Jennifer Niven

But it was a damn good smile. A genuine one, which is hard to come by these days." -Finch ~ Jennifer Niven

The thing is I don't know what it means to see the world like others do. Maybe I don't recognize myself in a mirror, and maybe I can't exactly tell you what I look like, but I don't think I'd know myself the way I do without prosopagnosia. The same goes for my parents and my brothers and my friends and Libby. I'm talking about all the details that make them them They look at each other and see the same thing, but I have to work harder to see what's there behind the face. It's as if I take the person apart and then reconstruct them. ~ Jennifer Niven

The Slow Club is playing,a band I like,all plucky and bitter-sweet and kind of offbeat.Like Finch,I think.Like us. ~ Jennifer Niven

As tough as she is, she wants to believe in something. ~ Jennifer Niven

By the time we're done, their guests have gathered outside to see the boy who must have flowers to give to the girl he loves. ~ Jennifer Niven

I love: the way her eyes spark when we're talking or when she's telling me something she wants me to know, the way she mouths the words herself when she's reading and concentrating, the way she looks at me as if there's only me, as if she can past the flesh and bone and bullshit right into the me that's there, the one I don't even see myself. ~ Jennifer Niven

He's the kind of Finch who would stand on a building and think about jumping just because nothing scares him. He is seriously badass. ~ Jennifer Niven

There was nothing to make him last. ~ Jennifer Niven

I'm trying out Theodore Finche, '80s kid, and seeing how he fits.
I fish through my desk for a cigarette, stick it in my mouth, and remember as I'm reaching for my lighter that Theodore Finch, '80s kid, doesn't smoke. God, I hate him, the clean-cut, eager little prick. ~ Jennifer Niven

You are driving me crazy. You have been driving me crazy for weeks. ~ Jennifer Niven

It's at that moment that I can't help myself,even though she maybe hates me right now.I pull her in and kiss her the way I've always wanted to kiss her,a lot more R-rated and PG-13.I can feel her tense at first,not wanting to kiss me back ,and the thought of it breaks my heart.Before I can pull away,I feel her bend and then melt into me as I melt into her under the warm Indiana sun.And she's still here ,and she isn't going anywhere,and it will be okay. ~ Jennifer Niven

I think about [ ... ] black holes and blue holes and bottomless bodies of water and exploding stars and event horizons, and a place so dark that light can't get out once it's in ~ Jennifer Niven

Suddenly I'm having one of those moments that you have after losing someone - when you feel as if you've been kicked in the stomach and all your breath is gone, and you might never get it back. I want to sit down on the dirty, littered ground right now and cry until I can't cry anymore. ~ Jennifer Niven