Elvira Quotes

Elvira, as befitting one who represented a magazine, registered first and demanded a room and bath. She pronounced it "bawth." The clerk seemed aghast at the request. However, in that hotel, any lady got whatever she asked for. It was her unquestioned right, as a lady. But there was no bath in the hotel, nor running water for that matter. The clerk faltered out something about a nice bowl and pitcher in every room, and said he thought they could provide a foot tub. He was sorry; there was no bath. Elvira couldn't grasp the situation. She thought the clerk was stupid--a hotel without a bath was a contradiction in terms. When she explained that she wanted something for complete immersion, the clerk seemed embarrassed. At his wits' end, he suggested (blushing like fire) that the colored boy could bring up the hog scalder. ~ Beatrice Fairfax

O, lawdy, seems you don't got good radar when it comes to pickin' 'em," Elvira muttered.
"No, her radar is beyond not good. Her radar is also not malfunctioning. It's straight out broke," Martha agreed and I was wondering if perhaps Elvira and Martha were not such a good match. Denver was relatively peaceful. I'd never heard of riots or sieges or militant hostile takeovers of land and I was foreseeing this if these two got together and rallied the female population of the Denver Metropolitan Area as a protest to shelter all women against dickhead assholes. ~ Kristen Ashley

Change is inevitable. It happens every day, whether we notice it or not. Some people like change. They embrace it with every ounce of their being and never look back. Others hide from it, hoping if they pretend not to notice they can live in their perfect bubble of denial, pretending the world around them is exactly the way it was the day before. ~ Justine Elvira

Keep 'im off it, then," Elvira declared. "Man's gettin' more than his fair share of blowjobs, gonna have his mind on his woman's mouth, not on some motherfucker with a screw loose." A giggle erupted from me because that was the truth. ~ Kristen Ashley

I had this grand idea that Elvira's kind of the Santa Claus of Halloween - at the malls, you'd have an Elvira there. Girls would dress as Elvira just like guys dress as Santa Claus, and it's not the real thing, but they'll pose for pictures, sign autographs. Of course, I couldn't go around to every mall, so we'd have to get more Elviras. ~ Cassandra Peterson

Elvira cut her gaze back to her man, lifted a finger, and wagged it at him. That works for me but, for you, just sayin', you gettin' what you need to start your day just got cut off for an indefinite period of time. ~ Kristen Ashley

I need to quit," Elvira announced. "I gotta turn in my resignation. I can't work with a man knowin' his capacity to give pleasure. I mean, I can work with a man guessin' his capacity to give pleasure but not knowin' it. This is it. I hit the threshold. I never understood TMI. In my opinion, no amount of information is too much information but I've found it. I'm here. ~ Kristen Ashley

Elvira always lied first to herself before she lied to anybody else, since this gave her a conviction of moral honesty.' - Phyllis Bottome, novelist (1884-1963) ~ Phylllis Bottome

In Shanghai, there were several pro-right circles of former officers. They realized that the Great War and European revolutions were a direct consequence of rotten liberalism. Words like order, family, discipline and duty didn't mean anything anymore. Civil liberties, so dear to Nina Kupina and people like her, resulted in monstrous egotism and total moral degradation: I do what I want and don't give a damn about others. ~ Elvira Baryakina

I was stuck back on "you can't have two maids of honor" and therefore fighting back hyperventilation at the same time flashing pictures filled my head of a commando-style wedding; Hawk in black cargos, me in a white flak jacket festooned with lace. The picture of me carrying a bouquet of flowers and Hawk carrying an automatic weapon. The picture of me admiring Hawk's huge-ass hunting knife. The picture of Hawk carrying me out of the reception in a fireman's hold while bullets flew and flames caused by Molotov cocktails danced on the dance floor. ~ Kristen Ashley

Love is Heaven on a Hinge
Memory enfolds upon her's sovereignty of sleep;
her beauty manifests not as pleasing proportion
but as an arcane assemblage of Ming porcelain,
clues pieced together to reveal
the numinous Yin within.
Tangrams of facile shapes recollect
into priceless chinoiserie
excavated with a toothbrush
beneath the clay noses
of a thousand entombed sentinels.
She reposes within my niche,
an ingenuous vase,
her dreams fulcromed by my lever.
My right arm, her nocturnal tiara,
diademed in jewels of sweat,
perfumed in muskiness and ferment,
heralded in the dulcet wail of snores.
Beneath the bay window of her oneiric realm
frogs belch Chopin's Impromptus,
chanticleers trumpet Hayden
cicadas chirp Mozart's Elvira Madigan.
Under the mask of night my niche becomes
her royal box at the Viennese Opera:
concertinas of Chinese silk,
the empyreal music of limns,
the fateful reprise of heaven
on a hinge. ~ Beryl Dov

Must love decorating for holidays, mischief, kissing in cars, and wind chimes. No specific height, weight, hair color, or political affiliation required but would prefer a warm spirited non racist. Cynics, critics, pessimists, and "stick in the muds" need not apply. Voluptuous figures a plus. Any similarity in look, mind set, or fashion sense to Mary Poppins, Claire Huxtable, Snow White, or Elvira wholeheartedly welcomed. I am dubious of actresses, fellons and lesbians but dont want to rule them out entirely. Must be tolerant of whistling, tickle torture, James Taylor, and sleeping late. I have a slight limp, eerily soft hands, and a preternatural love of autumn. I once misinterpreted being called a coal-eyed dandy as a compliment when it was intended as an insult. I wiggle my feet in my sleep, am scared of the dark, and think the Muppets Christmas Carol is one of the greatest films of all time. All I want is butterfly kisses in the morning, peanut butter sandwiches shaped like a heart, and to make you smile until it hurts. ~ Matthew Grey Gubler

Mike's booming voice was downstairs. He was on the phone, as usual.
"M-m-m-my sister is gettin' married," I heard him announce to the person on the other end of the line. "And I am gonna s-s-s-sing at duh reception."
A long pause followed. I braced myself.
"Oh, p-p-p-prolly 'Elvira,'" Mike said.
Perfect, I thought, pulling myself out of bed. Mike singing "Elvira" at my reception. As if my scaly chin wasn't enough, I needed one more thought to terrorize me for the rest of my wedding way. ~ Ree Drummond

Welcome to my nightmare," Elvira muttered. "Though you got yourself a biker who fills his Levi's so well he should be in Harley Davidson ads and has an off-the-charts ability to give pleasure so you can't really understand my pain. ~ Kristen Ashley

People think being Elvira is a lot of fun - and it is - but I was doing a lot more bizarre stuff before then, just being a dancer and a showgirl and traveling around Italy in a band and working for Playboy Club, and later being a model and meeting a million and one people and being kind of a groupie ... It's all been really interesting. ~ Cassandra Peterson

Ohmigod! This place is so cool!" This was Tracy, who was sashaying into the warehouse looking around like she just hit the candy garden with chocolate stream at Willy Wonka's. Her eyes caught site of Elvira who was in the kitchen. "Hey girl! What's up?"
"Job satisfaction, beanpole, what's up with you," Elvira replied on a huge smile thus taking the sting out of her nickname for Tracy (I hoped).
If Cam was yin to Tracy's yang, Elvira was yang to all of our yins. ~ Kristen Ashley

Q and I did our history report together on George Washington," he told them. "So if you have any questions, we can probably answer them, since we did so much research."
"You only read one library book for that report," Tony objected. "You can't call one book 'so much research.'"
"You didn't see the size of that book, Tony," Matt told him. "It was big. I mean really big."
"Look, Tony, we're not saying that we know everything about the Revolutionary War, but we did do a report on it and we do know more than you do," Q said smugly.
"Okay, guys, let's not waste any more time trying to decide who knows more about the Revolutionary War. ~ Elvira Woodruff

He dreamed that he and Elvira Campos lived together in a cabin in the mountains. The cabin didn't have electricity or running water or anything to remind them of civilization. The slept on bearskin, with a wolf skin over them. And sometimes Elvira Campos laughed, a ringing laugh, as she went running into the woods and he lost sight of her. ~ Roberto Bolano

so huge. My thumb can't even reach the tips of my fingers. I continue to stroke him as he rides down ~ Justine Elvira

Don't kid yourself. Keep the baby - I have no other advice for you. Children are the best thing in the world. ~ Elvira Baryakina

We've hit the hot guy mother lode," I whispered reverently when they were about five feet from our table. "Welcome to my nightmare," Elvira muttered. ~ Kristen Ashley

If I retire doing the character, I don't think the character has to retire. There will still be caricatures of Elvira. You know, Dracula still works, and he's dead. ~ Cassandra Peterson

We were having a ... discussion. I told him I needed to think about what he'd said and then he said I didn't need to think, I live in my head, I shut things out. He says I haven't given him me. He says I have a hand held up, fending him off," I answered. Tracy and Camille's eyes went back to each other. "See you do that too," Elvira noted. ~ Kristen Ashley