Robert Clark Quotes

The government are tightening up on ID for sales of tobacco and alcohol so I recommend that young people take more drugs.

I was very surprised when last I bought a packet of cigarettes and had to request a refund as I read a warning that told me "smoking can cause fatal lung cancer".

People tell me I shouldn't smoke because it is makes you look like a tit. I use exactly the same argument when people tell me they go to the gym.

Delia Smith needs to realise that when Nigella flirts with the camera she comes across as a slut. When Delia does it she comes across as an old slut.

My daughter told me she wasn't afraid of spider but that she was afraid of my smoking. She said that she was afraid of my dying. So i went downstairs, picked up a pair of pliers and a blowtorch and showed her what real fear was.

I am completely opposed to the British National Party; I couldn't possibly support people who find fluorescent yellow flyers appealing.

I would say happy new year but it's not happy; it's exactly the same as last year except colder.

I will now sing another song for your pleasure. Now, if you like Phil Collins ... you should be shot in the head.

Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?

I think Amy Winehouse's decision not to go to rehab was a bad one. In fact, I think it was the worst idea since Dodi Al Fayed said to Princess Diana, Ooh, look! A tunnel! Whack that seat belt off and let's have a fuck.

Yes, you may ask my name but only if you can tell me: are your thighs as fine as a fresh, crisp morning in early July?

Embryonic cells, by their very definition, are not from your body. Right now, inside your body, you have everything necessary to build what you need now.

I have always been homosexual and it surprises me that more people are not; women's pink bits are moist and forbidding and I enjoy those qualities much more in a Victoria sponge.