Nina Hartley Quotes

You don't talk dirty to make him hot. You "talk dirty" to communicate what you need. And most guys, if you go, "Yeah, yeah, just like that, a little more to the left," they'll do it.

Sex is my practice. It's where I always strive to be my best self. I try to be as honest as possible, as present as possible, as centered as possible, as kind as possible, as generous as possible without being a doormat.

I think most people are wired to be monogamous for short periods at a time. The partner who is right for me at age twenty is not the partner who is necessarily right for me at age thirty, and so on. I think from my experiences, that about 20 percent of people are truly monogamous. By that I mean, when they're in love, they truly don't want or need anybody else. For them, monogamy is not a strain at all. Twenty percent of people are polyamorous or swinger types. They'll never be monogamous and don't want to be. The remain 60% of the population are stuck somewhere on a spectrum between happy monogamy and nonhappy monogamy. Some of because thats the vow they took and they're basically okay with it, and they don't want to be liars or cheaters. Some are actively angry about it and pick fights. Some are unhappy with it and, while they don't cheat, they do withdraw emotionally from their partners, giving themselves the worst of both worlds. Some are actively cheating but won't leave the marriage. Some people would be happy at home if they could get a little "strange" a few times a year and not have it be a big deal. They don't want o lose all they've built with their mates but just want a taste of something different.

When I was a stripper I realized that men and women are equally fucked over about sex but in such different areas, we're blind to the other's pain. So for certain kinds of guys, women are heartless bitches and cock teases and will bleed you dry before giving you a kiss. And for some women, men are asshole jerks who only want one thing. They'll love you and leave you. I don't see it that way. It's the culture keeping them equally ignorant and feeding them nonsense. And then saying, go of and get married!

I have instant compassion for men as equal human beings. Equally beaten down by the patriarchy and equally lost and wandering. At least women get to hug each other.

When I talk to Future Therapists of America, I tell them that what often drives people into treatment is the constant tension between what the organism naturally wants for pleasure and what they've been taught to think about those desires... They just feel guilty about what they think. And this is why I'm so careful about not misusing sexuality. Because I know how to manipulate a body and have infinite patience until it has a good time... If I were an evil person, I would find vulnerable people who are desperate for that kind of experience and give it to them. That would form an intense attachment. I would come across like a savior. And then I could mess with them...So I don't doubt for a moment that her abuser was able to get her body to respond even though she didn't want to be there.

It takes a certain skill set to be partnered. You have the biological knowledge of the machine. What are the parts, where are they located, how do they work, what do they do? Then there is your intellectual understanding about sex, in history, what you believe about sex, what you were taught about sex. Then there's you intrapersonal skill, your relationship with yourself. Then there are interpersonal skills.

I became a kinesthetic person because I always overintellectualize. And feelings, for me, are a concept. Feelings? Ah yes, I've heard of those.