Jon Richardson Quotes

Somehow, happiness is not diminished by being shared out with other people.

My favourite pub game is, of course, snooker. Any game whose rules basically amount to finding a table covered in mess and slowly and methodically putting it all away out of sight is one with which I can empathise emphatically.

I have a lot of internalised tantrums. I secretly hope the worst and then I start planning my little speech for the beginning of it. Showers are the worst - all the time in the shower I'm planning the next time I'm going to lose it at someone, and then I never actually do. You're almost let down when people are nice.

There is simply too much to be done for us all to go round 'enjoying ourselves.' When the world is perfect, then we can all sit down and eat jelly beans, but for now the fact that things are going well for you just means that you are in a position to alleviate someone else's suffering for a while.

The best dating advice I can give you is that women like men who aren't weird

The only honest answer when someone asks you if you love them is 'at the moment, yes', but try saying that without getting a kick in the chaps.

It is probably worth asking at this point, who exactly is my perfect woman? Attractive? Yes. Intelligent. Of course. Blah blah blah … All of these things together? Absolutely not! What on earth would a woman like that be doing with a man such as myself? Cheating on him, that's what.

It is so much easier to grieve for the dead than to care for the living. At least in death we are all perfect.

Anyone who tells you that it is better to have loved and lost that to never loved at all has never done both.

I don't think I'd have any friends if I didn't obscure at least 99% of my thoughts.

I refuse to believe that clubbing is how people are supposed to meet to establish relationships on a level for beyond what we consider to be a norm in modern society.

I don't need someone to complete me, I need someone to make things a little bit better every now and again.

Happiness, like sleep, in order to be fully effective must involve some sort of yielding of conscious thought.

I am in no doubt that if you use the term 'luv' in a letter or text message then you are incapable of truly understanding the emotion. Artists have not pored over heartache and unrequited sentimentality for years so that our generation could decide that four letters is simply one too many to express how we feel.

The last time I went back to a girl's house for an impromptu house party I spent most of the night straightening out rugs, putting down coasters and alphabetising DVDs while all around me people got off with whoever was closest and gradually headed off to various rooms to make more mess, no doubt.

My weirdness aside, if I am to find any friends, particularly a girlfriend, she will almost certainly have to be a human. My previous track record tends to suggest that of all species that exist on the planet, it has so far been exclusively humans to whom I find myself sexually attracted. This is a good thing legally if nothing else.

University is where people go to 'find themselves' which is all well and good, but it should not be assumed that you will like what you discover there.