Darshana Suresh Quotes

When someone shows me even the tiniest bit of kindness my entire soul still twists towards them. A sunflower searching for the sun. A hatchling keening for its mother. I

A HOW-TO ON DISAPPEARING

No one understands the way we break.
Not jagged. Not knife sliding between ribs.
Not the spine, cracking.

That would be too easy.

That would be being able to know that
you're broken. That would be X-rays
showing the gaps, the fissures.
Clean breaks are easier to heal.
We do not break cleanly.

We break without breaking.
Not a crack, but a fog.
We dissipate.
Body here one moment and
not here the next.

Hands working one moment and
a dead weight the next.

We watch ourselves turn
colourless. Watch ourselves
become invisible / invincible.

This way, at least the pain is our own.
That's what I wanted all along, I guess.

i am too small
for this love,

i am too small
for my
own skin.

somedays i wake
and cannot
find myself
in my
body anymore.

as though talking
should be something
that comes to me
as easily as breathing
i went home that day
and cried for hours,
beat my fist against
the mirror until
the glass
ran together
with my tears.

Her staring at you like you hung the stars in the sky when she thinks you're not looking. Like the moon is made up of every breath that leaves your chest. This

Love is the way your body fights to keep you alive. Day

And the stretch-across-your-entire-face smile?

From the people around me. Despite the
lonely, despite the sadness, despite the anger
their smiles make the hearts Aphrodite left
behind beat faster / louder.
They make my heart beat in my chest again.

Tell me about how no one looks at you like art so you have learnt to treat yourself like a masterpiece.

in my dreams i know what
to do with my hands.

i do not lock them up in a
cardboard box. i do not lock
myself up
in a paper house too ready to catch on fire.

Every autumn I
take myself into my arms
and kiss my palms
for making it through another
year.

You know, I can't leave when I'm
not
actually here in the first place.

The messages pile up,
The worry knocks at
my door, louder & louder.
More calls from the therapist.
Pills that should have been
taken lie scattered across the floor.
The moon taps at my window.
Stars spell out their concern.

I pretend I do not see.

don't you see how
hard speaking is for me?
how hard
breathing is?

don't you see that
I'm a negative space
cut from the
universe and
when you ask
me to breathe
i am trying to
will myself
into
being?

Tell me about the Love. Like stepping into sunlight. Like catching moonbeams in your hands. Like

I understand the need to convince others you're okay before you can
believe
it yourself. I understand you can never really believe it
yourself,
but everything in your body relies on you trying anyway.

Distance: the space between my
heart & my body.

The night called and said, 'find
your way out now', and I'm trying.

I'm still trying.

My body has always been
a question mark,

never quite knowing what it
means

to be alive.

I'm writing the chapter where
you're still in love with me,
but then the chapter ends &
I turn the page.

It's just - eggshell love. Like
birds sitting on a power line. One misstep
and suddenly, everything is burning.
I don't want to set things on fire
anymore.

That's all. That's all.

There are so many good things
in this world,
and every one starts and
ends in your eyes.

Two oceans away, a boy is falling in love.
Next door, another boy i just falling.
One is laughing, one is crying -
both are screaming.

in my dreams, the sun does
not
blind me.

i leave the house (white converse
laced tight, hair tied with a ribbon)
and my body remains that.
my body
stays
a body.
doesn't become a shadow /
a ghost / a whisper.
my body stays
solid.

I'm crying.
The man on the moon
touches my cheek and says,
'it's okay.' He says,
'you did it. You're doing it.'

I say, 'no, no,
I'm not okay.'

The moon holds my hands,
softly.
Like a mother.

But you're here,
it says.
You're here.

i'm sorry that
'okay'
has become
such a
foreign
concept.

I'm sorry that when you say 'love', I
always hear
'heartbreak'.

I've only ever leapt away
when happiness approached -
a deer caught in headlights,
or maybe a dog with its
leg bleeding in a trap.

Where did you get your sadness from?

I picked it up on the side of the road. It
was bleeding and scratched and keening
like a mangled thing, but it looked too
beautiful for me to just walk away.