Chris Voss Quotes

Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making.

He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.

Great negotiators are able to question the assumptions that the rest of the involved players accept on faith or in arrogance, and thus remain more emotionally open to all possibilities, and more intellectually agile to a fluid situation. Unfortunately,

NO" STARTS THE NEGOTIATION My

[Empathy] is not about being nice or agreeing with the other side. It's about understanding them. Empathy helps us learn the position the enemy is in, why their actions make sense (to them), and what might move them.

As negotiators we use empathy because it works.

I mean, have you ever tried to devise a mutually beneficial win-win solution with a guy who thinks he's the messiah? It

The problem is that conventional questioning and research techniques are designed to confirm known knowns and reduce uncertainty.

If you approach a negotiation thinking the other guy thinks like you, you are wrong. That's not empathy, that's a projection.

being right isn't the key to a successful negotiation - having the right mindset is. HOW

Every case is new. We must let what we know - our known knowns - guide us but not blind us to what we do not know; we must remain flexible and adaptable to any situation; we must always retain a beginner's mind; and we must never overvalue our experience or undervalue the informational and emotional realities served up moment by moment in whatever situation we face.

To get real leverage, you have to persuade them that they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through.

When the pressure is on, you don't rise to the occasion - you fall to your highest level of preparation.

The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want. The latter will help you discover the former. Wants are easy to talk about, representing the aspiration of getting our way, and sustaining any illusion of control we have as we begin to negotiate; needs imply survival, the very minimum required to make us act, and so make us vulnerable. But neither wants nor needs are where we start; it begins with listening, making it about the other people, validating their emotions, and creating enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin. We

We've instrumentalized niceness as a way of greasing the social wheels, yet it's often a ruse. We're polite and we don't disagree to get through daily existence with the least degree of friction. But by turning niceness into a lubricant, we've leeched it of meaning. A smile and a nod might signify "Get me out of here!" as much as it means "Nice to meet you." That's

Some people are Accommodators; others - like me - are basically Assertive; and the rest are data-loving Analysts.

The last use of the F-word is my favorite because it's positive and constructive. It sets the stage for honest and empathetic negotiation. Here's how I use it: Early on in a negotiation, I say, "I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if you feel I'm being unfair, and we'll address it." It's simple and clear and sets me up as an honest dealer. With that statement, I let people know it is okay to use that word with me if they use it honestly. As a negotiator, you should strive for a reputation of being fair. Your reputation precedes you. Let it precede you in a way that paves success.

Notice we said 'It sounds like . . .' and not 'I'm hearing that . . .' That's because the word 'I' gets people's guard up. When you say 'I,' it says you're more interested in yourself than the other person, and it makes you take personal responsibility for the words that follow - and the offense they might cause.

For anger to be effective, it has to be real, the key for it is to be under control because anger also reduces our cognitive ability. And

Life is negotiation. The

To successfully gain a hostage's safe release, a negotiator had to penetrate the hostage-taker's motives, state of mind, intelligence, and emotional strengths and weaknesses. The negotiator played the role of bully, conciliator, enforcer, savior, confessor, instigator, and

Every negotiation should start with "No