Amanda Lovelace Quotes

yesterday,
they were angry scarlet gashes.
today,
they are quietly fading hairlines.
tomorrow,
tomorrow-
- you'll just have to wait around & see.

before he left, he wrapped my heart in layers of briars & barbed wire to make sure that no one else could ever get in, but you were more than willing to bloody your hands for me.

blood runs wherever his fingertips graze me. -

i am
the girl
with the
arsonist heart

Maybe
i'm not
the book you
dog-ear &
keep with you always,"
te girl murmured,
pulling her
sleeves
over her
hands.
"maybe
i'm the book
you forget
to bookmark
& leave
on the train."
- shrinking violets like us.

Somehow, my soul knew your soul before we ever had the chance to meet.

They do not pretend to deserve me; better yet, they do not even pretend that they can save me. They do not view me as a broken, feathered thing they can mend up if they scoop me into their hands and show me enough attention. In time, they know that I will stretch across the skies again, but not before I'm ready.
- not before I mend my own wing.

when I die, do not waste a minute mouring me. I may go, but I will leave behind all my thousand & one lives - a bookmad girl never dies.

when i had
no friends
i reached inside
my beloved
books
& sculpted some
out of 12 pt
times new roman

-& it was almost good enough

i am
caught between
mourning
you

&

thinking
your death
saved
me.

- will you ever be able to forgive me?

in winter,
it's the snowflakes.

in spring,
it's the raindrops.

in summer,
it's the flower petals.

in autumn,
it's the leaves.

all these things
will eventually fall,

but not one of them
will fall as hard

as i do for you when i
wake up every morning.

-all the cliches were written with us in mind.

at first, self-love can feel like you're trying to catch lightning in a bottle - next to impossible. i didn't believe i could ever hold that much power in my hands, until the day i did. ever since, i've become a terrifying storm of a girl who will never settle for anything less than what she deserves.

How can
someone
be
too young
to be
in love
when we were
crafted
from
ocean waves
& starlight?
-young love

i. getting out of bed. ii. remembering to eat. iii. drinking a glass of water. iv. being kind to yourself. v. surviving the day. - reasons to be proud of yourself, big or small.

but your failures are just what happened--they don't have to be who you are. all you can do is take those mistakes & use them as fertilizer to help you grow.

Today,
i love the way i look in my sundress & it's not because someone else convinced me to.

You brought the needle & I brought the thread. We meant to mend our two broken hearts, but we ended up stitching them together.

repeat after me:
you owe
no one
your forgiveness.

- except maybe yourself.

You see,
it's not exactly in this girl's nature
to be torn
in
two.

I'm not helpless.
Truth is, I never was.

you are never directionless. - the universe is always guiding you.

if you do it to protect
your mental health,
then it's not cruel,
nor is it selfish.

Cages are still cages,
even when they're designed to look just like castles.
- illusionist

all of the oceans
& galaxies
did not
conspire together to
create me
just so i could
reproduce for
you.

-Startling Fact #1

your hips will try to burst through your skin.

your thighs will try to grow together like a mermaid's tail.

a soft garden will try to sprout on your legs.

(& between your legs, on your upper lip, on your armpits, etc.)

no, you are not just here to be sexy for him.

the world begins & ends when you say so.

-what they don't want you to know

falling in love
with you

was
like that

knowing,
heart-stopping,
airless,
upside-down

moment
right before

a fatal
collision.

-brace for impact.

be
victorious
in
everything
you do.
disturb the gods,
if that's what
it takes.
& maybe
especially then.

when you're taught to see the world through fire, nothing looks safe.

Curves and fat and rolls are a colossal 'fuck you' to the patriarchy – our accidental rebellion.

It's such a shame that you will finally have to learn that there are consequences to treating women like they're nothing. You may have gotten to walk away, but a piece of me will follow you forever. Now, isn't that romantic?

i didn't come here
to be civil.
i didn't come here
to sit you down
with a mug of tea
& a blueberry muffin
to coddle you as
i try to convince you
that respecting
my existence is essential,
you've had plenty
of chances
& you took a
hard pass every time,
so i came here
to watch your anger overtake
until you finally
combust.

you are so much more than the rippling fallacies
your reflection whispers to you.
those demons that lurk beneath the surface
do not know you
even though they pretend to.
and someday,
though it feels impossible,
you will see yourself as i do.
when time has finally finished healing your scars,
your siren call will scream 'I AM GOOD ENOUGH!'
and even your bewitching smile will shine through.
but until that day, the day you are okay, just keep singing yourself to sleep.
And eventually, your monsters will stop haunting you.
- trust me.

there was
no comfort

to be
found in

the
pages

that once
pulled me

through
it all.

-you took things i didn't know you could take.

the love
some girls
have for
other girls
is
so gentle
& so soft
& so fucking
beautiful,
&
these girls
deserve
to have
better stories
than the ones
where they
are murdered
because they love
with too much
of their
hearts.

-love is never a weakness.

i don't write
what i write to hurt you.
- i write what i write to heal me.

i walk the thin line between nostalgia & trauma, never fully knowing the difference."- maybe there is none.

Sometimes friendship is the motherfucking prizes, so be grateful I let you in at all.

i never
expected
death
to be my most
faithful companion,
but she is
the only one
who will come
without
having to be
asked.

- the only one who will never leave

strong is she who knows when she needs to lay her battles down to rest. strong is she who knows the difference between quitting & self-preservation. every full moon is a reminder of what has come full circle & must be released. every new moon is a chance to start anew. - cherish your every phase.

Fuck the idea of staying calm.

i stopped wondering
when the next chapter
would finally begin,
& I started writing it instead.

grief clung to her like an old, itchy, faded, ill-fitting, hand-me-down dress.

three generations of women sit around the enormous kitchen table--some hunched over cups of coffee, some hunched over cups of tea. despite our differences, we are all laughing so hard that the thunder outside must compete with us. she can't sit here with us anymore & I'm sure we can all feel the heaviness of her absence, but even when every chair is taken & everyone else has to stand, it still feels like there will always be a space for her.

where
do all the
memories go,
the ones we
hide away
with
lock &
key yet
continue
to shape
us all the
s a m e?

"- did it really happen if i can't remember it?

it took
losing him
to finally
find
myself.

It took
losing him
a second time
to be sure
of myself.

that
was my
first act
of
self-love.

a bookmad girl never dies.

there is no slow blast of fireworks. there are no heartstrings finally coming to relax underneath the table between us. there is no magical moment of lost love found. inside this, we are not allie & noah. no, in this moment i am allie & you are lon. or maybe you are noah & i'm martha. i can't be certain.

your death certificate makes the claim that you died on november 3rd at 3:03 AM. that is a lie. you died long before that. - 3 isn't my lucky number anymore.

call me
bitch.

call me
villain.

call me
she-wolf.

call me
bad omen.

call me
your worst nightmare

wearing a
red-lipped smile.

-even better, call me by my name.

fairy godmother says you will feel like you've made a mess of things, even when it's not your fault. you will feel hopeless. you will feel helpless. you will consider giving up. it is then you must remember that you alone have the power to clean it back up again.

write the story.
push your hands into the dirtiest parts of yourself.
take the rot & decay & turn it into nourishment & life.
water it & sing to it & show it sunlight.
grow a beautiful garden from your aching & teach yourself how to thrive from it.
write your story.

tell me
something,
would you?

haven't you
ever wished

you could
dance

in the ashes
of everyone who

ever doubted
your worth

& scoffed at
your words?

(shh
it's okay.
i won't tell)

i have to
believe
the day
will come
where i don't
flinch
whenever
i hear
his name.

- some names will always be cursed.

Most stories don't have a clear, defined message.
they aren't supposed to.
we must take
the good
with the bad
with the grey
& decide what we
want to do with it all.
- i'm still alive & therefore so is hope.

i had a
big smile
on my face
as i burned
the bridges
to all the things
i could not
repair

-does the smoke still choke you?

the reason they tell us we cannot have it all is because they fear we will become even more dangerous than we are, & we are already such forces to be reckoned with.
- open up the wardrobe & step inside.

Let it guide you into a grand love affair with yourself. Until the love becomes so second nature you need it no more.

if
love
is a
battlefield,
then i
must have
forgotten
all of
my armor
at home.

-a war i never agreed to fight

i
can't seem
to recall
agreeing
to be a
casualty
of these
manmade
disasters

didn't anyone ever warn you not to try to trick a girl who reads? she's already seen everything.- don't try to waste your time again.

know this:
nobody can ever own your magic.
it is yours & yours alone.

don't trust anyone with a cross hanging from their neck & hate buried inside their chest.- take it from me.

you will think
your parents are
shatterproof

until one day
you find out
they aren't.

- what it really means to lose your innocence

i'm not scared
of the monsters

hidden underneath
my bed.

i'm much more scared
of the boys

with messy brown hair,
sleepy eyes,

& mouths
that only know

how to form
half-truths.

i used to think
i was broken

because
i never once

spent my
daydreams

plucking
swollen pomegranates

from
someone else's tree.

- then i learned that society is broken, not me.

when
he left,
he
packed up
all my
poetry
&
took it
with
him.

when they tell me that i've changed, like it's some personal act of betrayal on my part, i tell them, 'i know. i've never been more proud of myself. i went from a single wildflower to a whole fucking meadow.

I'm not scared of the monsters under my bed. I'm much more scared of the boys with messy brown hair, sleepy eyes, & mouths that only know how to form half-truths
-my dragons

the only thing i can do is learn to live with the idea that i will never be cured. i will always be in the process of healing.
- making the most of it.

it is strange
how
sisters
can
be
saviors
or
strangers
&
sometimes
a bit of both.

flowers
grow
wherever
his
fingertips
graze
me.

- my sun & rain.

the only way I can remember what happened is if i sit down & pray to the paper & hope the pen is a believer.- to make up for the fact that i'm not.

fairy godmother says get that head out of the stars. here's a secret: your fairy godmother is inside you. you only need to believe in her for your every wish to come true. (no wand necessary.)

women learn to sense who danger looks like just by catching another woman's eye from across a crowded room.

- i would thank you, but we both know you don't deserve it.

some things don't come alive until we believe in them with our whole hearts.

i don't
wear makeup for others
the same way
i don't

decorate
my house for others.
this is my
home

&
everything i do
is for
me.

I cannot fight my way through these fucking shadows on my own.
- no light, no sun.

when
my dragon
with the
green eyes
left,

i
took
a knife
& cut off
all my long,
pretty hair,
taking away
the only thing
he
ever
loved
about
me.
- over before it began

you're right--

you tried & you tried & you tried & then you tried some more,

but maybe they just don't have it in them to love you after all.

now i ask you: so fucking what?

-the only love you need is your own.

i have
so much love
to give,
but no one
ever wants
it.

- a cup overfilled.

fairy godmother says it's not a character flaw to care too much, but it can drain you until you have nothing left to give yourself.

do you
ever
find
yourself
nostalgic
for
the life
you never
got to
have?

wishing upon every shooting star isn't the way your dreams will come true. taking your fate into your own hands is how your dreams will come true. so work hard. work harder. work even harder. - make it happen.

Grief will
never truly be
done with you.
When
you're ready,
take it in your hands
like a paintbrush.
like a charcoal.
like a pen.
Turn it
into a thing that
could hang in museums.
- masterpiece

is death our only feather-covered hope? -

The further along i come,
the more i'm beginning to realize that
maybe- just maybe- there is such a thing as fate. as destiny.
if after everything, i'm still breathing, then there must be a reason. even if i haven't seen it yet.

make words your finest weapons - a gold-hilted sword to cut your enemies d

fairy godmother says if you can no longer recognize the face reflected in the bathroom mirror, remember this: you are ever-changing. ever-spinning, too, just like mother earth. when you fall from the pure exhaustion of it all, you have every means to get back up & start over again. keep going, little dancer. keep going.

Your
comfort
is not
more
important
than
my journey
to healing.
- I will never live a life of quiet again.

be wary
of the boys who
only ever tell
half-thruths
because they
will only ever be
half in love
with you

-slay those dragons

it only takes
a single word
from you

to make me
feel like i
could

command
the world's
armies

&
rule over
queendoms

&
direct
the oceans

&
finally defeat the
winter light.

When life gives us new beginnings, we need to take them, because there are never enough of them.

know when
you need to
draw your lines
in the sand.

know when
you need to
lock your windows
& your doors.

know when
you need to
put your
fences up.

(& when
you need to
lace them with
barber wire.)

truth is,
we have control
over very little
but we
have every say
in who gets
our love.

- boundaries

when you spend
all your time
imagining yourself
in other people's shoes,

your own story
goes unwritten,

& there is nothing
more painful
than that.

Women endure because we aren't given any other choice.

if
the very
idea
of
standing up
for myself
frightens you
so
damn much
then
i guess
the power
you thought
you held
over ome
wasn't that
impressive
in the
first place.

-fragile masculinity

&
so
she did
what any
rational woman
would do -
ever so calmly,
she reached out
& she tore
the stars
apart.
"

Excerpt From: Amanda Lovelace. "the mermaid's voice returns in this one." iBooks. "&
so
she did
what any
rational woman
would do -
ever so calmly,
she reached out
& she tore
the stars
apart.

make
no mistake:

there will
be dragons.

what they don't
know is that

you will always
be ready with

coal wedged
between your lips

& a match poised between your fingers.

here is the vital difference
between you:

they burn to kill,
but you burn to survive.

-may they never underestimate you again.

he did not teach me how to love myself, but he was the bridge that helped me get here. - i thank the universe every day for you.