Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich Famous Quotes
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In the books I find the thrum of everything unsayable. The characters weep the way I want to, love the way I want to, cry, die, beat their breasts, and bray with life.
My father keeps the air-conditioning up high, and though I complain to him and to my mother, he either won't listen or can't believe me. And what he says makes sense: He is hot and I am hurting, but why should I think that my hurting should outweigh his hot? This is the logic I will never find an answer to, the way in my family a hurt will always be your hurt or my hurt, one to be set against the other and weighed, never the family's hurt. Is what happens in a family the problem of the family, or the problem of the one most harmed by it? There is a cost to this kind of adversarial individualism.
Years later, I remember the waxy taste of the yellow paint, the papery taste of splintered wood, the sharp metallic of the graphite.
Lyle and Luann are strict Pentecostal. They don't have indoor plumbing, and decades from now, at the time of the trials, they still won't. They don't play music. They take in children who need help, they're kind like that - but sometimes, with Luann's sternness and the way they keep taking in children even when the cupboards are bare, you never can tell if it's generosity or if it's that God won't give them enough suffering to prove their faith to him, and so they'll arrange privation themselves.
It's repeated a lot, but it isn't true. Most pedophiles, like most other people, weren't molested. And there's no indication that people who were molested become pedophiles. What is true is that among pedophiles, a greater percentage were molested than the percentage of people in general who were molested - but even then, it's not a huge increase.
So I try something new. Not turning my back to the past, not fleeing it, but extending a hand. I say to the past, come with me, then, as I live.
I remember a new heaviness in my body, but maybe that's the work of time and my looking back.
In law school, the concept of the jury is taught through the metaphor of a black box. Into the box, evidence and the law go. Out of the box, a verdict comes. But a black box doesn't have feelings.
