Lothlorien Quotes

Once I realized that Australia's top highway speed of 110 kilometers per hour was the same as going 65 in the U.S., all my hardened American enthusiasm for speed went limp until it felt like the car was hardly moving at all. Even worse, most stretches of the highway are restricted to 60 kilometers per hour, which is how fast Americans go when we're, like, passing a stopped school bus disembarking small children, or driving through a herd of puppies in the road. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Oh, and Mr. Montgomery? I think I counted about four dozen important-sounding words and almost no substance at all in that explanation. I don't think you should close the door on your diplomatic career entirely. ~ Elle Lothlorien

You can pay for whatever you want, but I just want to warn you that I prefer to stay at places that don't start or end with the word 'motel. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I want to kiss my brother for being so tactful. Rabbit looks grateful as well, and I can only imagine what it would be like to trot out your embarrassing 'enjo kosai' problem in front of your sister, your former love-interest of a couple of weeks, and her two siblings. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Let's put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you into a closet sadist? Well, if you ever decide that being a lawyer isn't bringing you the kind of gratification you were hoping for, then I think I found the perfect job for you. ~ Elle Lothlorien

If you ever pull a switcheroo like that again, Dee, I'm going to offer your boyfriend ten thousand dollars to make out with Alice for two minutes. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Well, Faye, dear, I'm sure Harlow's sorry she didn't think to ask if you'd been eaten by a shark. That's totally on her. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I've watched about a dozen tourists almost get hit by cars since I've been here. I barely made it to the beach alive the other day. I mean, no one knows what they're doing. They swing their heads back and forth like they're mounted on a door hinge, but they don't even know what they're looking for, not really. Cars just come at you from all sorts of unnecessary directions here, and we're all probably going to get killed. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Turns out making a dramatic exit is a lot harder when you have to stand there and wait another twenty minutes for a boat to dock. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Speaking of your eyeballs, dear brother,I overheard some girls talking about you in the restroom at the tournament hotel. Apparently rumor now has it that you won't allow anyone to see your eyes - ever. In fact, according to this knowledgeable source, you even sleep and shower with your glasses on in case someone unexpectedly walks in...one of them said she'd seen your eyes for herself two years ago and could only describe them as 'ferocious and roving,' and 'burning white-hot with a primal, raw wildness. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Souris says you wanted to see me, so here I am. Talk quick before I decide to beat the shit out of you and throw your bloody carcass back across the International Date Line. ~ Elle Lothlorien

After one and a half cocktails, finding the appropriate response is a bit of a challenge. I finally say, 'Thank you for inviting me,' and leave the less desirable 'Want to play strip poker?' in the unscrupulous part of my brain where it belongs. ~ Elle Lothlorien

How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian? ~ Elle Lothlorien

So ... while we're sitting here on this luxury yacht enjoying our bread and water, why doesn't someone tell me the plan? ~ Elle Lothlorien

In any other fabric of space-time, my brother would have picked up Dee's venereal disease-infested koala punt and run it straight down the line of vulgarity, all the way to the touchdown of tastelessness. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I like it because when people use a lot of poker lingo, it usually means they've been playing the game for a while. Which is why I immediately avoid those people. ~ Elle Lothlorien

What if it's a shy fish? Is that a 'coy koi?' What? Don't hate me because I'm asking the important questions. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Locals. They'll eventually get out. They're annoyed. Like when Americans go to the lake. And it's closed. 'Cause some kid pooped in the water. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Did the Ancient Greeks ever write anything funny - like slapstick? I mean, I think I speak for everyone when I say that there's nothing wrong with a little bit of well-written physical comedy. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I slump in my chair, thinking how a narcotic party of one is no party at all. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I believe it went like this - and stop me if I'm wrong, Mousey: 'Listen, we may not be our own continent and everything, but we have a big country over in America too. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I think it should be obvious by now that I'm not necessarily interested in reality. ~ Elle Lothlorien

We're late. For a VERY important date ~ Elle Lothlorien

Be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn, In that case, you should always be a unicorn. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Oh, Alice, you haven't even had a taste of my romantic streak yet. And when the time's right I don't think I'll have to 'try' to have my way with you. I just WILL. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Yeah, that's exactly how I feel when I'm around you: confused, but still satisfied.' I freeze, trying to figure out how to cancel it out and replace it with something that sounds a whole lot less like sex and a candy bar ad. ~ Elle Lothlorien

You're in the country of the kangaroo and the duck-billed platypus, and you're asking 'why is it a mushroom? Because it just IS. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I am commanding you, as an older and wiser brother, to get over here, get on this caterpillar, and ride to the top of this mushroom with me. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I'm not sure a real man would smoke something that sounds like a mixed drink ice cream cone. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Are you referring to the day you instructed me to 'follow the white rabbit,' plied me with absinthe and brownies, and tried to have your way with me? Didn't take long for you to lose your romantic streak, did it? ~ Elle Lothlorien

I'm good at being vague and unpredictable. It's sort of a hard habit to break. ~ Elle Lothlorien

The question is: will I get used to a menu with kilojoules instead of calories? I mean, I don't think anyone even knows how many kilojoules are in a calorie. I had to break out a whiteboard this morning and do calculus just to figure out how many calories were in a glass of water Down Under. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I don't need to look at your primal, white-hot, mutant pirate eyes, big guy. Just forget that I'm there, and I'll try to block out the fact that I ever met you. Basically we'll just act like we do every day. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Would you like to hear about the fascinating things lizards can do if you chew off their tails? ~ Elle Lothlorien

I brought you out here because I wanted to share a sunrise with you, and maybe even a sunset. I wanted to see how much I could kiss you between now and the time we dock tomorrow. And if I was really lucky, I was hoping I could lie with you until you fell asleep, until I couldn't stay awake anymore. And in the morning, we'd wake up, and we'd be together, just like this. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Don't make me Alice-nap you, Alice. Because you know I can carry you. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I hear they're all infected with chlamydia, which just goes to show that you really can't tell who's got the clam. I mean, look at a picture of a koala ... tell me you're not shocked. ~ Elle Lothlorien

And just so you know - that winter forest we walked into first? That was from Through the Looking Glass too. Hey, if you're going to saddle me with the blame for your overconsumption, at least get the book right. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Well then, I guess I'm man enough to admit that I'm trying to get in touch with my inner bitch. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Enjoy your little run because there's no way you get off this boat without her trying to slice your Achilles in half. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Hey, any idea why Australians speak something that sounds deceptively like English but isn't? I mean, I'm trying to figure out why I can't seem to converse with another human being who speaks the same language as I do. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Fun fact: You may hug koalas in the Australian state of New South Wales, but not in Queensland. So ... if you didn't hug your koala nice and tight before you got here to Sydney, you're going to be shit out of luck until we go back to Surfer's Paradise. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Basic economic theory. People behave differently based on how much they think something's worth. Because everyone got their chips for free, people made huge bets on every hand - no matter what they were holding. People who play with everything on the line - for real - don't act like that. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I don't think I heard the same ending you did. Maybe you should tell it again. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I'm busy trying not to look like anything edible. ~ Elle Lothlorien

No thanks ... Dodo, was it? I don't know if I can watch you have performance problems twice in ten days. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Oh, I have plenty of problems with Rabbit, it's just that my comfort level with his name is standing in line behind about a hundred more important things. ~ Elle Lothlorien

When some smart ass asks you if you're driving, you say, 'Nope, just kicking the tires.' You have to make sure you actually kick them all on your way around to the passenger side. Otherwise it's like lying. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Are you saying that you need an attorney? For what? As far as I know, being a dick isn't against the law in any country. ~ Elle Lothlorien

And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair! ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

Faye, if you got eaten by another shark, would you please at least have the decency to say so? My time is kind of limited, if you know what I'm sayin'. ~ Elle Lothlorien

The others cast themselves down upon the fragrant grass, but Frodo stood awhile still lost in wonder. It seemed to him that he had stepped through a high window that looked on a vanished world. A light was upon it for which his language had no name. All that he saw was shapely, but the shapes seemed at once clear cut, as if they had been first conceived and drawn at the uncovering of his eyes, and ancient as if they had endured for ever. He saw no colour but those he knew, gold and white and blue and green, but they were fresh and poignant, as if he had at that moment first perceived them and made for them names new and wonderful. In winter here no heart could mourn for summer or for spring. No blemish or sickness or deformity could be seen in anything that grew upon the earth. On the land of Lórien, there was no stain. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

I don't think Australians ever use a couple of words when twenty will do just fine. ~ Elle Lothlorien

If one more person tells me how big this country is, I'm going to go kick a koala. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Right, 'the Queen of Hearts.' Sounds to me like you're just one bitch in a whole pack of cards, baby. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Because trying to think of how to ask a woman you've known for exactly two days if she'd be willing to get into a car with you and take a road trip across the country was something I hadn't quite worked up to yet. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on. ~ Elle Lothlorien

This is from the queen? And you say it's for a mouse? I'm sorry, sir, but the Pyramid Hotel doesn't allow any pets except for service animals. ~ Elle Lothlorien

You keep right on building that fence, Faye. See what good it does you. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Remember that rabbit-proof fencing you told me about? You get that at a hardware store or is it special order? ~ Elle Lothlorien

Did you forget a dentist appointment or something, big guy? Where the hell did you hop off to? ~ Elle Lothlorien

Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that 'Alice Faye picked a peck of pepper for the poor, piping pig in the purple poke.' Wait - is that not what we're talking about here? ~ Elle Lothlorien

The car doesn't so much drive as float above the road, like we're making our way to Sydney in a hovercraft. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Didn't you read the invitation? There's going to be a game in a little while
the big Twister game in an hour. Make sure you eat plenty of bread. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Congratulations, Mousey, you've managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers. ~ Elle Lothlorien

If you wanted to go on from the end of The Hobbit I think the ring would be your inevitable choice as the link. If then you wanted a large tale, the Ring would at once acquire a capital letter; and the Dark Lord would immediately appear. As he did, unasked, on the hearth at Bag End as soon as I came to that point. So the essential Quest started at once. But I met a lot of things along the way that astonished me. Tom Bombadil I knew already; but I had never been to Bree. Strider sitting in the corner of the inn was a shock, and I had no more idea who he was than Frodo did. The Mines of Moria had been a mere name; and of Lothlorien no word had reached my mortal ears till I came there.
(J.R.R. Tolkien to W.H. Auden, June 7, 1955.) ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

I made sure to brush my teeth as soon as I was able. I even asked for a hair tie to pull my long, blood-red hair into a twist at the nape of my neck so I wouldn't have that 'freshly hospitalized' look. ~ Elle Lothlorien

So 'fatal' only kills you two out of three times these days? That's good to know. ~ Elle Lothlorien

The line from Pulp Fiction - the one Samuel L. Jackson shouts at John Travolta as they're trying to wash blood off their hands - pops into my head: 'I used the same soap you did and when I dried my hands, the towel didn't look like no fuckin' maxi-pad!' I almost - almost - share this most quotable of cinematic quotes with him, when I remember it contains The Word. You know: 'maxi-pad. ~ Elle Lothlorien

That's exactly where they send entry-level diplomats. After you cut your teeth on a few civil wars and a famine or two, you might get lucky and be given a plum post somewhere in the SECOND World. ~ Elle Lothlorien

You know what they say, Queenie: ALWAYS bet like you have a pair. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I think I can say with confidence that it's a lot funnier if you haven't actually been attacked by a shark. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Well, you played me, Rabbit. You played me, and it worked, and I'm not the kind of person to make the same mistake twice. Your whole life is a game, but you know what? I already have a life. Poker's nothing to me but a goddamn deck of cards. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Be a good little Alice and just follow the White Rabbit, okay? ~ Elle Lothlorien

Alice, you might be the product of the biggest ball of ignorance, confidence, and good fortune the universe has ever manufactured. But if you're thinking that you can take your results at the virtual tables and your grand tactic of Ignorance Is Bliss, and make that work for the Main Event, forget it - it WON'T. ~ Elle Lothlorien

The words 'drink me' come to mind. Anyone besides me up for some heavy alcohol consumption? ~ Elle Lothlorien

Alice, it took big, dumb Talon Dodo thirty seconds to get you so pissed about a poker hand pun that you were about to beat him to death with your cane. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Okay then, I suppose you get a pass on poker intimidation for the glasses, little brother. But everyone else is wearing them at the tables too, and they're all just sitting there, looking all serious, like they're birthing the Grand Theory of Everything. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Pretty great view. You think they'd do something about the sharks. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Yeah, well, when they say 'You know it's a long way, don't you?' what they really mean is: 'You know it'd be faster if you just rode a kangaroo, don't you? ~ Elle Lothlorien

That's the thing you girls never get. It doesn't matter if you just woke up, or just got done bawling, or just finished your make-up. When a guy's all love-sick over a chick, she looks exactly the same to him all the time: perfect. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Like your sweet, affectionate house cat, Alice Dahl is easy to underestimate. It's not until the songbirds in the yard show up eviscerated on the front porch that you realize you should've kept that bell collar on her - because those poor birds never even saw her coming. ~ Elle Lothlorien

You can donate marrow for her, Alice Faye, you can't cure her. You can win a poker tournament, but that won't make her want to live. So I'll ask you again: Who are you, and what are you doing here? Because Munny sure doesn't want you to be her, and she wants someone to be out in the world living since she's got the market cornered on dying right now. ~ Elle Lothlorien

Have you thrown 'Why is a raven like a writing desk?' at her yet? ~ Elle Lothlorien

Don't be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don't travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops. ~ Elle Lothlorien

I've found that lifting the lid with your foot is the most thorough and least gross path to two minutes of peace of mind. ~ Elle Lothlorien