Ej Quotes

Great rolls of toilet paper arc like ejaculate through the black sycamores. ~ Garth Risk Hallberg

Lost things never like to be found until they've been forgotten. ~ E.J. Mellow

Can I call you Fozzie?"
"Can I call you Evelyn?"
"Not if you want me to answer."
"It's safe to say, the same goes for calling me Fozzie. I'm not a Muppet. ~ Renee Ericson

Carter: "Dude, I don't know why it works, it just does. [...] Just pretend you're not into 'em and then ask a question. What's the worst that could happen?"

EJ makes eye contact with the smallest one, off to the side. [...]
She looks up at EJ and gives him the nicest smile. He pulls the trigger and yells, "You think you're hot stuff, don't you?"

What the...? Where are you going with this?

"Excuse me?" she replies, kind of sweetly.
EJ asks, "You think you're cool, don't you? Where did you get that shirt, the Salvation Army? What the hell is with your hair?

My eyes are as big as basketballs as he fires one mean-ass question after another at her.

"You don't have a boyfriend, do you?" he continues.

It's like he's armed with self-esteem killer.

"Did your parents have any kids that lived?" EJ asks.

The girls starts to buckle, and tears are on the way.

"Are these your friends, or are they like, counselors here to observe you?" EJ shouts. [...]

He asks, "Does your grandma know you borrowed her shoes?" as I drag him away. The girl is crying pretty hard, and her friends are trying to console her. [...]

"Man, that didn't do very well. What do you think I did wrong?" EJ asks.
"Are you serious?" I ask
"I was just doing what you told me to," he replies.
"I-I-I told you to go up to that girl and start abusing her?" I ask.
"You said to ask her ~ Brent Crawford

Please do not shoot us in the balls, EJ Elgin. It is only me, Robby Brees, and my friend, Austin Szerba, who is your next-door neighbor, and we are not rat boys from Mars. We come in peace, and smoking cigarettes." "Benson ~ Andrew Smith

If one person in the world thinks you're beautiful, then it must be true... I think you're beautiful, by the way... ~ ♥EJ <---

I'm surprised you don't have any tattoos. I thought that was part of the artist uniform."
"Who says I should be that much of a cliché? I'm naturally a masterpiece. ~ Renee Ericson

I would rather live in a world where people shout, "This is wrong." than live in a world with superheroes saving the day. ~ ♥EJ <---

Lynn looks up at him to see if he's serious. "What?" he asks her. "If anybody is gonna put Carter's head through the wall, it should be me."
EJ's eyes snap open, and he scoots away from me slowly. I'll remember this, Wingman! ~ Brent Crawford

I love you, Evelyn." Leaning in, he grazes my earlobe with his mouth. "For longer than you might have known."
"Likewise."
He chuckles against my cheek. "That's all you have to say? Likewise?"
"Just shut up and kiss me."
"I was getting there. ~ Renee Ericson