Stephanie Kuehn Quotes

And wasn't that him giving her permission to hurt him? It felt as if he were handing over the reins of his own suicidal impulses. That was how Sadie understood it. Of course, it was how she wanted to understand it, because to her, toying with him and offering him hope every now and then that she might actually find value in him as a human being, before pulling it all out from under him, was pure pleasure. It was everything and more. So there'd been no reason why she'd done what she'd done. There'd just been no reason not to.

What she had, and what Miles would because of her, why that was the point of it all. Wasn't that a brilliant thing? She'd had her shine. And now, somewhere, somehow, for a heart she'd never know, to light a sky she'd never see, someone else was preparing for theirs.

There's this mood I can get into sometimes. It's hard to explain. I don't know how to describe it other than to say I feel sort of dead - faded, really, or reduced, like there's less of me or I'm not as much of myself. It's as if I've forgotten who I am or who I'm meant to be or if I'm really even anything or anyone at all.

I am both ever evolving and ever decaying.

And yes, I say, I do like girls. I don't pursue them, though, and there are a lot of reasons for that. It's gotten me in trouble before, but I also think I have ridiculously high standards because the whole dating, fooling around thing seems so complicated. And not in a good way. I hate obligations, and if you want to be with a girl, it's like you're expected to do certain things. And do them a certain way.

No we talked about matter- most notably quarks, those tiniest possible components of everything.They come in six flavors, you know: up, down, top, bottom, charm and strange. I'll admit those talks helped me, and when i read about the sea quarks, I understood why. They contained particles of matter and antimatter, and where the two touch exists this constant stream of creation and annihilation. Scientist call this place "the sea," and it's what pitches inside of me as I hurry away from Mr. Byles, ignoring his furrowed brow, his worried frown.
I am of the sea.
I am of instability.
I am of harsh, choppy waves roiling with all the up-ness, down-ness, top-ness, bottom-ness contained within my being.
I am of charm and strange.
Annihilation.
Creation.
Annihilation.

Choosing to live can mean so much more than not dying.

There are some dreams you can't wake up from.
Ever.
These are called nightmares.

Hurting people wasn't all that different, though. That was also a form of taking and she did it all the time. Sometimes she wished she didn't. Sometimes the things she took were unforgivable and she'd give anything to have better control over herself. Then again, sometimes Sadie was bored. And oftentimes, that was more than enough.

You wanted to live," he says.
"You say that like it's a good thing. A virtue."
"What is it really?"
I think about this. "Selfish."
"Wanting to live is selfish?"
"Yes.

I'm trying to reach the stars.

They had it all wrong, of course. Bravery wasn't required to conquer fear. Indifference was.

She loves us all."
"Then why doesn't she act like it?"
"Because love doesn't always look nice.

"Then why" title="Stephanie Kuehn Quotes: She loves us all."
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It's the story that was to big for me to tell, the one that grew to fill the depths of my being the far corners of my mind. It's how I lost my system of meaning.
But I haven't lost everything.
Somewhere, somehow, adrift in the sea and far from the stars, I've found faith.
In myself.
And that makes all the difference.

Love doesn't always look nice.

She is fucking beautiful, and she is utter madness.

Even stranger, though, was how, at this very moment, this car with its echoes of death and decisions and life courses forever altered was the one place where Emerson had never felt so vividly alive.

She must have seen more of my charm than my strangeness tonight.

...More than looking, what we're really doing is gazing, and we do it for so long I start to get the feeling that nothing else matters.
It's a good feeling.
Better than good.
It's one I could get lost in.

An ambulance came. Then a cop car.
When pressed harder about it, I cried. A lot.
Howled, really.

Maybe there were times when suicide made sense. When the immoral choice is moral. Emerson could believe that. But his father was no Walter White. He hadn't been terminally ill or struggling with addiction or living a dual life where he'd accrued huge gambling debts that he couldn't pay off. There'd been no sacrifice in his actions. Only weakness. And his pain, however deep it had been, hadn't disappeared with his death. He'd simply passed it on to those who'd loved him. That's what really got to Emerson. The selfishness of it all.

You're like my sun in winter.

Somewhere. somehow, in the near future, Miles knew, some of them would be winners, some losers, and others, like himself, would be asked to fall on their swords.

That's the thing about after, Sadie. It's still happening, and there's no one answer to what you want to know. I'm living after. Every second. Every minute. Every day. But I'm living, and there's that. So here are a few of my immediate afters. Moments I'm not proud of: After... I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to kill you. Clearly, I didn't do any of those things, although I can see how for someone else, it would be easy to get stuck in one of those afters and not let go. But I moved on, because that's who I am. I realize this now, and I'm starting to be okay with it. For one, I'm a pacifist. I'm also afraid of death. But more than anything, what keeps me here on this earth and lets me live with my failures is the knowledge that I am a lamb among wolves. I am not you.

That felt meaningful somehow, like the words on the pages ached for him to know their sorrow.

There are some dreams you do wake up from, only to find you can't remember them at all. But that doesn't mean these dreams don't matter ...
These are dream that hold our most private of truths.
These are the dreams that destinies are made of.