Stephanee Killen Quotes

When we continue to devalue our inherent needs, when we begin to reduce ourselves as a person in order to stay in a relationship, we are essentially agreeing to limit our potential and anesthetize our authentic self in the name of love or a sense of duty born of our investment in the connections we have formed.

Life is always going to throw us curve balls. It is always going to rock the boat just when we are getting particularly settled. It is not an excuse to become a miserable wretch. Yes, I say this knowing that I have most certainly used it as an excuse to be a miserable wretch.

Our spirit can handle quite a bit of what is thrown its way, and generally, rising to the challenges presented by our lives (the Universe) can benefit us emotionally and mentally as well as spiritually. But the key here is allowing our spirits to rise to challenges. Often, because this involves things that are UNCOMFORTABLE - at least initially - we rebel. We'd rather sit in the corner and pout than do any real, useful work. I know. I sometimes pout.

Our perception of reality is malleable. Everything is always shifting. We may not have the power to change an event, but we do have the power to change our perspective.

It's probably long overdue for us to throw out what we think we know about love. Girls have grown up with too many fairy tale/date movies/romance bodice-rippers racing around in our heads - the warrior with his rippling muscles and the golden-maned damsel clinging to his breeches. The title is something like Savage Heat or Destiny's Desire. This is the fairy tale world where men and women always orgasm at the same time or where the man wakes the sleeping princess with a kiss, or where the hero slays the dragon and rescues the damsel from a tower, or where, essentially, everyone lives happily ever after and no one writes what happens next.
What happens next is that reality sets in. The golden bubble bursts. There are bills to pay. Someone has to walk the dog and clean the cat litter box and go to the grocery store for milk.

The pain that is in your heart right now? Imagine that you can reach it by touching it in someone else with the intent to heal it. We are all connected.

Deep down, we all want the same things. We all want love and peace and happiness. We all make mistakes. We are all very confused. We all hurt, and we all hurt others. We are all caught up in our stories, forming attachments and tearing away from them. We are all disappointed. You are angry, but could it be true that the person who has hurt you was just the same as you, in a universal sense? They hurt you in search of the things that you seek for yourself.

In mature love, in order to reach a point where we can find the objects before us lovable, I feel that we must first focus on finding ourselves lovable. This means discovering the truth about our selves and our desires and then honoring this truth to the best of our ability. This is not so much a matter of choosing to leave a relationship because "you deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved" but because you deserve to know and be who you truly are without self-reduction.

Think of all that energy you've been expending in feeling how unfair it all is…well, it's perfectly fair. Who should take responsibility for the state of YOU if not YOU?

But reality is erratic. Surprising. Elegant. We will never earn a respite from all of the things in our lives encouraging us to grow, pushing us to make difficult choices or to strengthen our resolve. There is always something demanding more of us - demanding more of our authentic selves. What is this authentic self? I believe it is the part of us that knows our true capabilities. It knows the desires of our heart, and the strength of our spirit - and life is going to keep offering us the opportunity to get it right (even if it just so happens to kill us in the meantime).

You did not leave Crazytown for Boo-hooville. Boo-hooville is a layover. It is a temporary stop. It is the dismal Greyhound bus station in the first leg of your trip to Kauai. It is a place you must visit on your way to peace and calm. It is a rough stone that you will use to scrape away the old skin so that you can be made new again. And yes, that scraping hurts. And yes, you look terrible while it's happening. Everything is dropping off, wrinkling, sagging, and flaking; it's dull-colored. But underneath? On the other side of that? It's beautiful.

What is life truly like - once we strip away all of the story telling and anger and pain? Can we bring ourselves to say, "Thank you for everything; I have no complaint whatsoever"? This doesn't mean that we should be grateful only because things could be worse (although they could). Nor does it mean that things couldn't be better. It means, No matter what happens, PERFECT. No matter what happens, thank you!

If you can be happy for the joy in the lives of others, you will find more joy in your own life. Isn't that neat? That means that instead of telling you that you first need to work on finding joy in your own life so that you can be happy for others, I'm saying, concentrate on the reverse. Be so incredibly happy for others! Things are going well for them! They are happy! You want them to be happy. You want to contribute to their happiness. It's much easier this way. Trying to wring joy out of your own life right now might feel a bit like trying to wring sweet Napa Valley wine out of a rotten turnip.

We also want strength to be the stance we cultivate so that life doesn't hurt. If I'm strong enough, fortified enough, then that must mean I can keep pain at bay. But I'm strong, and I'm hurting. I have to let it wash over me because that's all that I can do. Breathe it in, all this pain. I am in the low places. I don't know what to do anymore, to make my picture a reality. I have come to the place of surrender. I can only let go of this specific picture; I can only see what else I can create from the pieces.

I would argue that a life that lacks movement and discovery of the needs of our authentic self - true growth - fails to be in service to the higher good. It may even be accurate to say that we cannot truly be in service to others, even those whom we profess to love, without first discovering our true path. This is the path that makes our heart rejoice - although it may take all the courage we have to walk it.