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He glances down at his arms. "I didn't even realize - am I expos-ing too much skin? I don't want to be parading myself in front of
you, taunting you with what you can't have. I have a hoodie in my
backpack. I can put it on if you're - "
"You're definitely better. We're leaving.
Today isn't my epilogue with Neil - it's a beginning. I'll leave the happily-ever-afters in the books.
It's easy to be inclusive, and yet most people just don't care.
You like it," he says. There's a glint
in his eyes, like he understands something I don't. "You like that nickname."
And . . . I kind of do. It hasn't felt irritating in a while. It's only his, a language only we have, even if it's a reference I don't understand.
And just so you know, we might be having dinner together,
but this isn't a date," Neil says, completely straight-faced. "I just
don't want you to get too excited. I mean, your parents are going
to be there, so it would be really awkward if you were fawning over
me the whole time.
I know you can do this. You're the person who revolutionized
garbage collection at Westview, remember?
My favourite books got happily-ever-afters - why couldn't I?
Boy bands, fan fiction, soap operas, reality TV, most shows and movies with female main characters . . . We're still so rarely front and center, even rarer when you consider race and sexuality, and then when we do get something that's just for us, we're made to feel bad for liking it. We can't win.
While I love romance, I've never believed in the concept of soul mates, which has always seemed a little like men's rights activism: not a real thing. Love isn't immediate or automatic; it takes effort and time and patience.
The truth of it was that I'd probably never have the kind of luck with love the women who live in fictional seaside towns do. But sometimes I get this strange feeling, an ache not for something I miss, but for something I've never known.
Am I still ambitious if I've failed?
When he grins, it's bright enough to light up the night sky.
It's kind of beautiful.
How do you tell the person you've spent four years trying to destroy that you have a crush on them?
Neil McNair has become my alarm clock, if alarm clocks had
freckles and knew all your insecurities.
My problems are not in the same country as hers and Ima's. They're not on the same map. Does that make them less valid?
There's this word in Japanese: tsundoku," Neil says suddenly.
"It's my favorite word in any language."
"What does it mean?"
He grins. "It means acquiring more books than you could ever
realistically read.