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I suggested to Jean that she try an exercise that many people find helpful. I call it the "Bug/Brag List." I asked her to take a sheet of paper and on one side write "Things That Bug Me About Serena." Then, on the other side, to write "Things I Appreciate About Serena." I thought she might be surprised at the outcome.
There are no miraculous responses that will make intense feelings of fear, rage, sadness, and jealousy just disappear in a cloud of smoke.
Our goal, then, is not to eliminate the feelings of anger from our parental repertoire. We couldn't, even if we wanted to. Rather, it is to find ways to express ourselves when we are angry that do not hurt, insult, demean, or inspire revenge and rage in our children.
Unchecked expressions of anger often lead to our making negative statements that communicate to our children that we think they are unlovable.