Lindsay C. Gibson Quotes

The sooner temper shows up in a relationship, the worse the implications. Most people are on their best behavior early in a relationship, so be wary of people who display irritability early on. It can indicate both brittleness and a sense of entitlement, not to mention disrespect. People who have a short fuse and expect that life should go according to their wishes don't make for good company. If you find yourself reflexively stepping in to soothe someone's anger, watch out.

People who lacked emotional engagement in childhood, men and women alike, often can't believe that someone would want to have a relationship with them just because of who they are. They believe that if they want closeness, they must play a role that always puts the other person first.

Empathy is what makes people feel safe in relationships. Along with self-awareness, it's the soul of emotional intelligence, guiding people toward prosocial behavior and fairness in dealings with others. In contrast, nonempathic people overlook your feelings and don't seem to imagine your experience or be sensitive to it. It's important to be aware of this, because a person who isn't responsive to your feelings won't be emotionally safe when the two of you have any kind of disagreement.

I asked him what he thought would happen if he were to honestly tell Kayla about the strain he felt, and he said, "She would be devastated and furious if I tried to talk to her about it."

I believed sharing his honest feelings might have enraged someone in his past, but it didn't sound like how Kayla would respond. It sounded more like what he had told me about his angry mother, who was quick to blow up if people didn't do what she wanted.

When I told Jake that maybe this safe new relationship was giving him a chance to finally be loved for himself, he was uncomfortable with the reference to his emotional needs. He looked embarrassed and said, "When you say it like that, I sound pitiful and needy."

During childhood, Jake had gotten the message from his mother that showing any emotional needs meant he was weak. Further, if he didn't act how she wanted him to, he felt inadequate and unlovable.

How many people get to be awake and aware for the emergence of the person they were always meant to be? How many people get to have two lifetimes in one?
So tell me, is it worth the pain to get to live twice in life? Are you glad you've chosen the path of awareness?
Yes?
Me too.

We often project issues about our parents onto our partners; then we may become even more angry with them because, at an unconscious level, they remind us of the past, in addition to whatever is happening in the present.