Jennifer Castle Quotes

That's the whole thing about grieving ... It's part of the deal: You get to be alive and to love, but in exchange you also have to put in some serious hurt time.

His hair was longer now, brushing the tops of his shoulders, and the weight of it made it hang straight and shiny. He'd lost more weight and gotten kind of tan. He looked about five years older.
And then there was me, dressed as sushi.

If you're going to do it, do it.

The only thing I knew for sure at that moment was that David would be back.If I was gone when that happened, would he leave again? For good?
David, do you know that's a chance I can't take?

But even if that were true, I was working hard. I didn't know how not to.

Holding the knife with the blade against my palm, it became so clear how my life would only contain shadows now. Shadows of things gone; not just the people themselves but everything connected to them. Was this my future? Every moment, every tiny thing I saw and did and touched, weighted by loss. Every space in this house and
my town and the world in general, empty in a way that could never be filled.

I've found that letting something stay broken for a little while helps me understand it.

Sometimes my life here felt like a cage where I could never escape the pain. At other times it felt like the only firm ground on earth

It was true. I wasn't good with liking someone. my instinct was total self-preservation: show no sign of weakness. This was my pathetic way of being shy.

Then I closed my eyes.
That was it. That was Before. Now here we go into After.

I don't know, Laurel, said David, and I loved how he said my name, like he enjoyed it.

I sat parked for a while in the parent pickup lot, watching a bunch of little kids run relays up and down the field. To be nine years old. To have life simply about family and friends and who was mad at who and which games you wanted to play at recess, and getting gold stars on spelling tests, an feeling that first crush.
Laurel, you had everything back then, and you didn't even know it.

It seemed like the only way to keep breathing was to focus on the here and now, moment by moment, keeping my mind frozen cold to anything else.

I quickly imagined that I could reach my hand into my chest, yank out that awful feeling, place it on an invisibl ecloud of air right in front of me, then push it away. Push it away

Laurel, I hope you find something like this, a little self-destructive habit you can turn to every once in a while, when you're tired of being good. It will keep you sane.

I'm taking it day by day. I liked saying this. It was honest, short, and seemed to satisfy people.

It was easier to be the victim, but it didn't feel so great.