Jamie Fessenden Quotes

I'm sorry."
"I didn't mean to get maudlin," Thomas said, smiling, though it was tinged with bitterness. "I guess I wanted to explain why I cling so hard to the family I've put together since then. I was so alone when my they threw me away. I don't want to be alone again."
"You aren't. You're less alone than ever. Boris loves you, and now I do too. Two people are more than one - that's simple arithmetic."
Thomas pulled him into an embrace, kissing him gently on the neck. "It is. I didn't know it was possible to love two men at the same time, but I do."
"You like having everything tidy and organized."
"Oh, I do, do I?"
"This is allowed," Hans said sternly. "That isn't allowed. Other things are allowed on Tuesdays if it's past sunset and the moon is full. It's okay if the rules change, as long as they do so in an orderly fashion

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Then you may have to leave."
Hans felt the blood drain from his face, and Boris added, "I am not saying it is all your fault. I have fallen in love with you. I am to blame for that. But I do not know how Thomas will react."
"You still love Thomas, don't you?"
"Of course."
"So do I!"
Boris sighed and shook his head. "I do not think he will understand, puppy. Not right away."
Boris hadn't been willing to talk about it further. He'd retreated to his study and left Hans to fret about it the rest of the afternoon. Would Thomas actually send him away because he'd fallen in love with Boris?
But I love him too! I love them both.
Did it matter? Maybe Thomas wasn't willing to share that much of Boris. Maybe Hans had finally gone too far. Boris had, too, of course, but Thomas wouldn't send Boris away. He might think getting Hans out of the house would be enough to make Boris forget him.
When Thomas came home, Hans ran to the door like a faithful dog, terrified he'd be punished but unable to endure the agony of not knowing for one minute longer.
"Well, hello, puppy!" Thomas said, amused. He looked more closely at Hans's face and cocked an eyebrow. "Is something wrong?"
"I…."
"We have something to talk about," Boris said behind him

I wanted to see it!" Thomas protested.
Hans had his backpack in the front with him, between his legs. He dug his camera out and flipped to the picture he'd taken, then handed it to Thomas.
"Hmm," Thomas said, squinting. "I think it looks really good, but the screen on this thing is too small."
Hans sighed and took the camera back. "Quit your whining. I'll show you the picture on my laptop when we get home."
Thomas put the vehicle in gear and pulled out of the parking lot. He was silent for a few minutes, but as they turned onto Main Street, he gave Hans a lopsided smile. "I liked the way you said that."
"What?"
"'When we get home.

Would you like to know what you're like, puppy?"
"Terrible? Inexperienced?"
"Oh, God, no. With you… it's like you're reaching inside me and caressing my heart."
Hans looked at him, eyes wide. He'd never heard Thomas wax poetic before, and it was disconcerting. Is he falling for me? As soon as the thought occurred to him, Hans stomped on it like a bug. Some questions were best left unasked.

I do not know what I am saying, puppy. Change frightens me. My anxiety and depression… these things are easier to control when I feel safe and secure. But I like having you around. I hope you decide to move in with us, even though I am crazy."
Hans laughed and gave him an affectionate smile. "I don't think your therapist would like you talking like that."
"No. Thomas does not like it either."
"I don't think I'm going anywhere," Hans said. "We can talk about it tomorrow."
"Good." Boris smiled, let go of his hand, and stood. "Oh, yes. Thomas tells me he kisses you now. This is good. I have no problem with it, so do not feel you have to make sure I am out of the room or anything stupid like that."
"You can kiss me too, if you want."
"I was hoping you would say that," Boris said, grinning. "I do want. But I have been sleeping all day, and I have really bad breath. May I kiss you tomorrow?"
"You may." Hans had already figured out Boris had bad breath. He might have been willing to overlook it, but considering how tentative things were between them, it was probably better to wait.
"I am looking forward to it. Goodnight, puppy." Boris slipped from the room but stopped halfway out the door.
Hans heard Thomas's voice, though it was too quiet for him to make out what he was saying. Boris said something in response, and this time Hans could tell it was in Russian.

Thomas didn't make fun of him. He placed a hand on Hans's arm. "We can't control the families we're born into. Some are wonderful; some aren't so good. But we do have the option to build new families when we're older."
Was that an invitation, or merely an observation? Probably the latter. Thomas and Boris already had a life together that worked well. Fucking around with Hans might be a fun diversion, if they could work through their jealousy, but that didn't mean they wanted anything long-term. Hans could accept that, though he didn't like it, but he now knew the answer to the question Thomas had asked before dinner - at least in part.
I want to be more than a convenient fuck toy.

Sex is good, especially when you love someone."
That was another potential minefield, but Hans took a tentative step. "It's very good for me, sabakee."
Boris looked into his eyes for a long time, and Hans saw the light gradually dawn, as he realized what Hans meant. He stroked Hans's cheek and smiled affectionately. "I should not say this, but… it is very good for me too, puppy

Hans?" Thomas asked. "You still can't find him?"
"I am here," Boris said.
"Oh. Why do you have Hans's phone?"
"He gave it to me in exchange for a blow job."
Hans gasped. "I did not!"
Thomas laughed. "What's going on?"
"Hans tells me I will get sunburned," Boris said, "so I should put on this nasty-smelling coconut shit. But I cannot reach my back - I am not a comic book character - and he will not put it on me."
"You're sunbathing? Since when do you sunbathe?"
Boris made a rude noise. "That is beside the point. I need you to tell Hans you won't divorce me and come after him with a butcher knife if he rubs coconut shit on my back."
"You two will be the death of me," Thomas muttered, but there was a note of affection in his voice. Hans assumed that was for Boris, but the way Thomas had said "you two" sounded as if they were all somehow together. Hans was surprised by how much he liked that. "Hans, I won't divorce Boris and come after you with a butcher knife if you rub coconut shit on his back."
"Thank you," Boris told him

We do not have to do anything without you, malish," Boris insisted.
They were in bed, cuddling after dinner as usual, and Hans kissed Thomas on the shoulder. "We aren't children. We can keep our libidos in check for a few hours."
"I don't want you to," Thomas said. "Yes, I'm jealous - of both of you, really. Not just Boris, anymore." Hans wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but he was glad to hear it. "But you're my boys, right?"
"Right," Hans and Boris answered in unison.
"I know Boris loves me. And, Hans… you care for me, don't you?"
"I care for you a lot." Hans wanted to say more than just that, but things weren't there for them. Not yet. Perhaps they never would be. Thomas and Boris were always going to be the couple, and Hans, no matter how long he stayed with them, would always be on the outside. "I feel the same way about Boris," he added truthfully.
Thomas smiled. He put his arms around his two lovers, pulling them close. "We care about you too, puppy."
"A lot," Boris added.

Kissing Boris was very different from kissing Thomas. Thomas was gentle and sweet, almost painfully so, but Boris was all aggression and passion, as if he desperately wanted to throw Hans across the bar and fuck him into oblivion. They were both wonderful in their own way.
Hans moaned and forced himself to pull away. "Maybe we should stop. Thomas - "
"I promise," Boris interrupted, "I will give Thomas special attention later." He turned to his husband. "This is okay now?"
Thomas smiled at them. "It's very much okay. I'm not jealous. I love seeing the two of you happy."
"I don't want you to think I'm more attracted to Boris than to you," Hans said, hoping he wasn't crossing a line. "I like both of you."
"We like you too, puppy," Thomas said

Thomas is very important to me. Not only do I love him, but he keeps me… grounded. Sane. Without him, I get lost in my head and cannot find my way out again. It is hard to explain. But I am terrified of losing him."
"I don't want to take Thomas away from you."
"I know, puppy. But things are changing. You have noticed we are chipping away at the sexual limits we set months ago? Pretty soon, we will give up on the 'no fucking' rule." He leaned in conspiratorially. "I am a bottom, in case you have not noticed."
"I've noticed," Hans replied, smiling in spite of himself

Is that what you want? To have your own place?"
"Isn't it what you want?" Hans asked, his resolve weakening.
Thomas pulled him into an embrace. "Don't be dumb. This is your home now. We agreed you'd move back into your room while the relatives were here, but as soon as they're gone, Boris and I want you back in our bed."
Hans sank gratefully against his broad chest, and a moment later, Boris pressed up against his back, making a Hans sandwich. He sighed contentedly.
"Did we not settle all this?" Boris asked "We love you. We are a family."
"I know that," Hans said, "but a lot of boyfriends live apart."
Thomas squeezed him tight. "Not us." He eased up, so Hans could breathe again. "We have plenty of room for you here. We want you to live with us."
"Do you want that too, puppy?" Boris asked, nuzzling his nape.
Hans sighed. All of this rubbing together of bodies was causing his cock to swell. "Yes," he said.
Then they made love

Last night felt good." He chuckled. "Not watching you jerk off, though that was fucking hot, but before that, when you were sleeping between me and Boris. I liked that."
A knot formed in Hans's chest, making it difficult to speak.
"So did Boris," Thomas insisted. "I know he did. Then he started worrying about you getting between me and him. He did what he did because he needed to prove I still belonged to him."
"I already fucking know that!" Hans snapped. He lowered his voice. "I know you have your special things I can't be a part of, like speaking to each other in Russian, and kissing and hugging, and all the things I wish I could do with you…." He stopped himself. He was overstepping again. "I shouldn't have said that. I've only known you guys for like two months. But I like being here. I'm lucky you haven't fired me for what I did last night, considering how much it upset Boris."
He tried to turn pull away, embarrassed, but Thomas wouldn't let go. "Boris and I have things that tie us together - things that do make me his - but despite all that, I think we both want to build something with you too."
Hans huffed out a breath. "I'm not sure how I feel about him now."
"Like I said, there will be bad days. He can't help it, other than to keep taking his meds and going to therapy. He's so much better than he was, when I met him in Russia. You have no idea!"
Hans settled into the embrace, reveling in the feel of Thomas's warm, soft skin.

Really? A dog? Not a noble wolf?"
"No. A dog. Very cuddly, one that likes to be petted."
"Well, that is true." Boris took Hans's hand and brought it down to cup his hard shaft. "I would much rather be petted by you and Thomas than hunt caribou in Siberia. So… the Russian for 'dog' is sabakah."
"Sabakah," Hans repeated.
"But for a pet name, maybe sabakee is better. That means 'doggy.'" Boris grinned at him. With his hair messed up, as usual, and when he was being goofy, he did remind Hans of a 'doggy.'
"That's perfect, sabakee." Hans laughed.
"Puppy," Boris purred.
Then their mouths merged, and Boris found Hans's stiff cock. For a long time, they panted heavily into each other's mouths as they stroked. Before they could climax, Boris broke the kiss and murmured, "Thomas is watching. I think he is jealous."
"There's no reason for him to be alone