Worst Date Ever Quotes

Theories:
*During the off-months for the visitors, which are the on-months for the oysters, are the oysters packed in ice or tinned, and shipped to Paris?

*During the off-months for the visitors, which are the on-months for the oysters, do the serving staff shuck shells?
Or
*During the off-months for the visitors, which are the on-months for the oysters, are the restaurant, and the oysters, abandoned, and the staff laid off? ~ Joanna Walsh

Most people hate cell phone use on trains; I love cell phone use on trains. What do you want to do, read that report on your lap, or hear about your neighbour's worst date ever? ~ Liza Mundy

I've never really been on a date, because I've been with the same girl since my early twenties, but on our first date, I showed her The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I was like, "Hey, you've got to see this!" And we've been together ever since. ~ Nicolas Winding Refn

Ben's Mr. Market allegory may seem out-of-date in today's investment world, in which most professionals and academicians talk of efficient markets, dynamic hedging and betas. Their interest in such matters is understandable, since techniques shrouded in mystery clearly have value to the purveyor of investment advice. After all, what witch doctor has ever achieved fame and fortune by simply advising 'Take two aspirins'? ~ Warren Buffett

Until now (1960, date of the first edition), the history of Black Africa has always been written with dates as dry as laundry lists, and no one has almost ever tried to find the key that unlocks the door to the intelligence, the understanding of African society. ~ Cheikh Anta Diop

I'm going to have to start booking you guys a month in advance."
"Or you could invite Ms. Rothschild over," Kitty suggests. "Her weekends are pretty lonely too."
He gives her a funny look. "I'm sure she has plenty she'd rather do than watch The Sound of Music with her neighbor."
Brightly I say, "Don't forget the tacos al pastor! Those are a draw, too. And you, of course. You're a draw."
"You're definitely a draw," Kitty pipes up.
"Guys," Daddy begins.
"Wait," I say. "Let me just say one thing. You should be going on some dates, Daddy."
"I go on dates!"
"You've gone on, like, two dates ever," I say, and he falls silent. "Why not ask Ms. Rothschild out? She's cute, she has a good job, Kitty loves her. And she lives really close by."
"See, that's exactly why I shouldn't ask her out," Daddy says. "You should never date a neighbor or a coworker, because then you'll have to keep seeing them if things don't work out."
Kitty asks, "You mean like that quote 'Don't shit where you eat'?" When Daddy frowns, Kitty quickly corrects herself. "I mean 'Don't poop where you eat.' That's what you mean, right, Daddy?"
"Yes, I suppose that's what I mean, but Kitty, I don't like you using cuss words."
Contritely she says, "I'm sorry. But I still think you should give Ms. Rothschild a chance. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out."
"Well, I'd hate to see you get your hopes up," Daddy says.
"That's life," Kitty says. "Things ~ Jenny Han

A UN passport is the most beautiful thing that humanity has ever conceived. No colour, no affiliation, no religion, one planet, one world...In the document, only my name, date of birth and job appeared. Nothing else. Not the colour of my hair, or my country of origin. From now on my country was called Earth. I was a citizen of the world. ~ Marc Vachon

If a person ever came to me as a fan and tried to go out on a date, I wouldn't. I've had enough kind of crazy experiences in that department. ~ Meredith Brooks

I don't date Nicole." "You don't what?" I ask dumbfounded. "I don't date." "Dragon, everyone dates." "I don't." I don't really know how to respond. It seems unreal, but I can tell he is completely serious. "Like ever?" "That's what I said, Mama." "How can you tell if you like a girl if you don't even know her?" I ask and something about this conversation hurts me. "I fuck her. ~ Jordan Marie

It had been almost exactly four months since we'd met; four months since we'd locked glances in that bar; four months since his eyes and hair had made my knees turn to overcooked noodles. It had been four months since he'd failed to call me the next day, week, month. I'd moved on, of course, but the rugged image of Marlboro Man had left an indelible mark on my psyche.
But I'd just begun my Chicago planning before I'd met him that night and had continued the next day. And now, at the end of April, I was just about set to go.
"Oh, hi," I said nonchalantly. I was leaving soon. I didn't need this guy.
"How've you been?" he continued. Yikes. That voice. It was gravelly and deep and whispery and dreamy all at the same time. I didn't know until that moment that it had already set up permanent residence in my bones. My marrow remembered that voice.
"Good," I replied, focusing my efforts on appearing casual, confident, and strong. "I'm just gearing up to move to Chicago, actually."
"No kidding?" he said. "When are you going?"
"Just a couple of weeks," I replied.
"Oh…" He paused. "Well…would you like to go out to dinner this week?"
This was always the awkward part. I could never imagine being a guy.
"Um, sure," I said, not really seeing the point of going out with him, but also knowing it was going to be next to impossible for me to turn down a date with the first and only cowboy I'd ever been attracted to. "I'm pretty free all this week, s ~ Ree Drummond

Scripture is the most up-to-date and relevant reading that ever comes my way. ~ J.I. Packer

I was coming down off the last painkiller left in my dresser drawer after Autumn tossed my stash. In that moment I was so groggy and happy I would have accepted a date with Oscar the Grouch - and planned to do some serious feeling up on the green furry beast too. Yeah, stooping to pharmaceutical-inspired sex fantasies about garbage can Sesame Street characters - that had to be the best Just Say No drug lecture a girl in a leg cast could ever receive to make her go cold turkey off the meds. ~ Rachel Cohn

She did not date. She did not have time for men. Men were never, ever worth a great amount of energy. She was the kind of woman that looked down on what she called 'settlers', women who chose love and fleeting passion that turned to dull, lifeless marriages over a career and independence. ~ Mandy Nachampassack-Maloney

You know those short, brown-toned South American immigrants that pick your fruit, slaughter your meat, and bus your tables? Would you - a respectable person with a middle-class upbringing - ever consider going on a date with one of them? It's a rude question, because it affects to inquire into what everyone gets to know at the cost of forever leaving it unspoken. But if you were to put your unspoken thoughts into words, they might sound something like this: Not only are these people busing the tables, slaughtering the meat, and picking the fruit; they are the descendants of the people who bused the tables, slaughtered the meat, and picked the fruit of the Aztecs and Incas. The Spanish colonisers slaughtered or mixed their blood with the princes, priests, scholars, artisans, warriors, and beautiful women of the indigenous Americas, leaving untouched a class of Morlocks bred for good-natured servility and thus now tailor-made to the demands of an increasingly feudal postindustrial America. That's, by the way, part of the undertow of the immigration debate, the thing that makes an honest appraisal of the issue impossible, because you can never put anything right without first admitting you're in the wrong. ~ Wesley Yang

How dare we, all these stupid evangelists walking around telling men after they've made some little prayer that they need to write their name in the back of their Bible, and put the date and if the devil ever comes to them, they need to show him that. That is Roman superstition, it is not the gospel of Jesus Christ. You see, we've turned the gospel into a flu-shot. ~ Paul Washer

I am very lucky, I have a very tight group of friends and a very supportive family, and to this date no-one has ever sold a story on me. ~ Sienna Miller

I had learnt from my work: that all pain is erased in the passage of time. Not just by, but in. In ten decades hence it would be as if nothing had ever happened. There would be no relics, no scars. No jug to piece together, no bone fragments to date. Emotions fade and leave no trace. Only the inanimate remains. ~ Kylie Ladd

I think you make mistakes, especially in your twenties, where you date guys you wouldn't even be friends with - ever. ~ Rashida Jones

An actual date with a boy. This is possibly, definitely the number one best thing that's ever happened to me. And I have no chill about it. None whatsoever. ~ Becky Albertalli

Don't talk. Kill it.
That might be the sweetest thing a woman's ever said to me on a first date. ~ Richard Kadrey

By the time Ava returned home, she was ready for a long shower and a date with the only boys she'd ever really been into - Ben and Jerry. ~ Alex K. Thorne

Here was what I wanted to happen when I walked through the door after my first real date and my first ever kiss. I wanted my mom to say, "Dear God, Meg, you're glowing. Sit and tell me about this boy. He let you borrow his jacket? That's so adorable." Instead, I came off the high of that day by writing a letter to my dead brother and doing yoga between my twin beds, trying to forget my absent mother. ~ Laura Anderson Kurk

About how guys and girls can't ever really be just friends. I mean, how many times do I make friends with girls just to see if I want to date them? ~ Aimee L. Salter

My worse date ever?" I asked. "I don't know. I'm always amazed when the other person doesn't ask you anything about yourself. This one date - once the autobiography started, it wouldn't stop. I actually sat there, thinking, Wow, you're not going to ask me a single question, are you? And sure enough. Ten minutes. Thirty minutes. An hour. Only one subject. And it wasn't me." "So, what did you do?" you asked. "I just started counting. Like sheep. And when the waiter asked if we wanted to have dessert, my date started to order, and I interrupted and said I had promised a friend to walk his dog. What about you? ~ David Levithan

I'm sorry about the dinner."
"Best date ever. Well, until people died and vampires showed up. But before that it was awesome. ~ Ilona Andrews

Nicole's door opened, and she stomped down the hall. "I have something to say," she said, giving him the Slitty Eyes of Death. "You're totally unfair, and if I run away, you shouldn't be surprised." "Don't make me put a computer chip in your ear," Liam answered. "It's not funny! I hate you." "Well, I love you, even if you did ruin my life by turning into a teenager," he said, rubbing his eyes. "Did you study for your test?" "Yes." "Good." He looked at his daughter - so much like Emma, way too pretty. Why weren't there convent schools anymore? Or chastity belts? "Want some supper? I saved your plate." She rolled her eyes with all the melodrama a teenager could muster. "Fine. I may as well become a fat pig since I can't ever go on a date." "That's my girl," he said and, grinning, got up to heat up her dinner. ~ Kristan Higgins

Morning. I didn't wake you, did I?' God, he looks gorgeous, even at this early hour. 'No. I've been awake a while. Couldn't sleep.' 'Me eighter. I've has this girl on my mind all night' 'Anyone I know?' 'You might know her. Blond hair, blue eyes ... beautiful. We went out on a date last night as it happens.' ' Really? So how was the date?' 'Well, that's the thing ... The date was amazing, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her ... or her gorgeous mouth ever since ... And the thing is, I really need to kiss her again.' ' I think she needs you to kiss her too.' 'You do?' 'Mmm ~ Samantha Towle

Split in two," he sang, "Loved by one, and then another. Pulled in a direction and then the other. If I could breathe you in, all of you, every day of my life, it wouldn't be enough. My heart was captive long ago - then you stole it away, you helped me grow. Now I'm staring at my crossroads with a choice to make, wondering how in the world I even thought there was one way to take."

His hands flew over the piano, muscles tightened in his forearms as he leaned forward and continued singing.

"My biggest fear, is not the ending of this life, but going through it without you by my side." He repeated the chorus and closed his eyes, humming the haunting melody in such a way that I felt hypnotized.

"Letting her go will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do - but I'm doing it so I can say goodbye to her - and good morning to you. Tell me it's not too late to ask for a second." He smirked but continued singing. "Third, fourth, tenth date." His hands slowed. "Loving you will always be easy because when I look into your eyes I know you see the real me, so be my love, be my rain, be my clouds, be my pain."

"My biggest fear, is not the ending of this life, but going through it without you by my side." He stopped playing.

The room fell silent. ~ Rachel Van Dyken

I don't want to only ever meet you in the woods, even though I love this. I ... I gotta feel like there's something real beyond these trees. I want to be able to take you on a date. Just ... once. ~ Linda Kage

Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, which was just to...wait. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl that I work with but I think, even then I knew...I was waiting for my wife."
-Jim Halpert(John Krasinski) ~ John Krasinski

Do you think, little flower, that there will ever come a day when you regret meeting me?" he asked quietly.
"Yes," she said simply.
"I see," he said tightly.
"Would you like a specific date?"
"You are teasing me," he realized suddenly.
"No, I'm dead serious. I have an exact date in mind."
Jacob pulled back to see her eyes, looking utterly perplexed as her pupils sparkled with mischief.
"What date is that? And why are you thinking of pink elephants?"
"The date is September 8, because, according to Gideon, that's possibly the day I will go into labor. I say 'possibly,' because combining all this human/Druid and Demon DNA 'may make for a longer period of gestation than usual for a human,' as the Ancient medic recently quoted. Now, as I understand it, women always regret ever letting a man touch them on that day."
Jacob lurched to his feet, dropping her onto her toes, grabbing her by the arms, and holding her still as he raked a wild, inspecting gaze over her body.
"You are pregnant?" he demanded, shaking her a little. "How long have you known? You went into battle with that monster while you are carrying my child?"
"Our child," she corrected indignantly, her fists landing firmly on her hips, "and Gideon only just told me, like, five seconds ago, so I didn't know I was pregnant when I was fighting that thing!"
"But . . . he healed you just a few days ago! Why not tell you then?"
"Because I wasn't pregnant then, Jaco ~ Jacquelyn Frank

This isn't a let's-date-and-see-where-life-takes-us deal, Sera. This is all or nothing. This is to the ends of the fucking earth and back. This is giving all, giving everything, total fucking surrender. Total victory, and total defeat. There is no going back from it. Not ever. ~ Callie Hart

I don't date.Ever. ~ Samantha Towle

You did a politics project on a government that got overthrown on the due date? Man, did anybody ever tell you you've got no luck?"
"I suspected it," said Raymond ironically. ~ Gordon Korman

May these nuptials be blessed for us, may this marriage be blessed for us,
May it be ever like milk and sugar, this marriage like wine and halvah.
May this marriage be blessed with leaves and fruits like the date tree;
May this marriage be laughing forever, today,tomorrow, like the houris of paradise.
May this marriage be the sign of compassion and the approval of happiness here and hereafter;
May this marriage be fair of fame, fair of face and fair of omen as the moon in the azure sky.
I have fallen silent for words cannot describe how the spirit has mingled with this marriage ~ Jalaluddin Rumi

Alex, I don't want to date you. I don't want you to be my girlfriend. I don't want us to be together for just a little while. I want you forever. I want us to look at each other, and say we love each other, and decide to be together forever. Alex ... I want to spend our lives together. If we ever decided we want to have kids, I want it to be me and you. ~ Charles Sheehan-Miles

You know this girl.
Her hair is neither long nor short nor light nor dark. She parts it precisely in the middle.
She sits precisely in the middle of the classroom, and when she used to ride the school bus, she sat precisely in the middle of that, too.
She joins clubs, but is never the president of them. Sometimes she is the secretary; usually, just a member. When asked, she has been known to paints sets for the school play.
She always has a date to the dance, but is never anyone's first choice. In point of fact, she's nobody's first choice for anything. Her best friend became her best friend when another girl moved away.
She has a group of girls she eats lunch with every day, but God, how they bore her. Sometimes, when she can't stand it anymore, she eats in the library instead. Truth be told, she prefers books to people, and the librarian always seems happy to see her.
She knows there are other people who have it worse - she isn't poor or ugly or friendless or teased. Of course, she's also aware that the reason no one teases is because no one ever notices her.
This isn't to say she doesn't have qualities.
She is pretty, maybe, if anyone would bother to look. And she gets good enough grades. And she doesn't drink and drive. And she says NO to drugs. And she is always where she says she will be. And she calls when she's going to be late. And she feels a little, just a little, dead inside.
She thinks, You think you know me, but you d ~ Gabrielle Zevin

What does a freelance researcher do?"
"Researches things." He winks at me and helps lift my bike onto a cobblestone walkway. "It's not an interesting or particularly sexy job. Nobody wants to date a perpetual studier, but I bet there's an army of guys crawling over each other to get to you."
More like crawling away. "You're ridiculous. Who'd ever want to date me?"
"Someone like you? There'd be a line at your door as soon as work got out."
"Oh, would you be in the line?" Sarcasm. Not a real question. I don't care if he responds - heat burns my toes, ears, and everything in-between - well, maybe I care a little.
Jack pauses and gazes into me. "Yeah … I'm in the line … and I'm better than all the other guys so you should really pick me. I'm funny. I'm strong, like, I could sweep you off your feet and run without breaking a sweat. I can also blow milk through my nose, but only if I'm drunk and the milk is warm. ~ Caroline George

Piper McLean," [Annabeth] grumbled, "that was without a doubt the dumbest risk I've ever seen anyone take, and I date a dumb risk-taker. ~ Rick Riordan

Don't worry. It'll never happen again. You know me, I do date occasionally, but I usually spend at least a few normal, boring days with a guy before we rock the house down. Of course, no one ever rocked my house down the way this guy did. He leveled the mother to its foundations. (Sunshine) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon