Woody Quotes

No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game. ~ Woody Allen

In writing songs, I've learned as much from Cezanne as I have from Woody Guthrie. ~ Bob Dylan

People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you. ~ Woody Allen

Often the depths of human misery can be found amongst legions of happy people. ~ Russ Woody

Even the best team, without a sound plan, can't score. ~ Woody Hayes

I think [aging] has nothing to recommend it. You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again. ~ Woody Allen

How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works. ~ Woody Allen

A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men.
I have the strength of one small boy ... with polio. ~ Woody Allen

One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles. ~ Woody Allen

You know you are in love when the two of you can go grocery shopping together. ~ Woody Harrelson

I don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one. ~ Woody Allen

You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent. ~ Woody Allen

This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don't you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that's pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs. ~ Woody Allen

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. ~ Woody Allen

[...] It is. Philosophy is a field that, unfortunately, reminds me of that old Woody Allen joke, "those that can't do, teach, and those that can't teach, teach gym." And the worst part of philosophy is the philosophy of science; the only people, as far as I can tell, that read work by philosophers of science are other philosophers of science. It has no impact on physics what so ever, and I doubt that other philosophers read it because it's fairly technical. And so it's really hard to understand what justifies it. And so I'd say that this tension occurs because people in philosophy feel threatened, and they have every right to feel threatened, because science progresses and philosophy doesn't.
[the atlantic, Has Physics Made Philosophy and Religion Obsolete? - interview, apr 23 2012] ~ Lawrence M. Krauss

I'm such a fan of actors and also enjoy watching them work so that I can help their acting in any way I can. Sometimes it walks a tricky line because you want to be entertaining to some degree. But honesty is always entertaining to me. I'm a big Woody Allen and Spike Lee fan, and I find their films to be very honest. ~ Dito Montiel

People think I'm an artist because my films lose money. ~ Woody Allen

So, most of it was done over the phone. But one of the first things I did as a director, because it's one of the first things you should do, even though most don't, is to ask good actors who they think is right for the part. They know better than anybody. But without missing a beat Maggie said Pauline Collins. I didn't know Pauline because I hadn't seen Shirley Valentine, but then I saw this thing that she did with Woody Allen [You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger], in which she was wonderful as a psychic, and I said to her on the phone: "The dialogue seemed improvised." ~ Dustin Hoffman

If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly. ~ Julie Delpy

God is either cruel or incompetent. ~ Woody Allen

An oceanic expanse of pre-dawn gray white below obscures a checkered grid of Saskatchewan, a snow plain nicked by the dark, unruly lines of woody swales. One might imagine that little is to be seen from a plane at night, but above the clouds the Milky Way is a dense, blazing arch. A full moon often lights the planet freshly, and patterns of human culture, artificially lit, are striking in ways not visible in daylight. One evening I saw the distinctive glows of cities around Delhi diffused like spiral galaxies in a continuous deck of stratus clouds far below us. In Algeria and on the Asian steppes, wind-whipped pennants of gas flared. The jungle burned in incandescent spots in Malaysia and Brazil. One clear evening at 20,000 feet over Manhattan, I could see, it seemed, every streetlight halfway to the end of Long Island. A summer lightning bolt unexpectedly revealed thousands of bright dots on the ink-black veld of the northern Transvaal: sheep. ~ Barry Lopez

Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage. ~ Woody Allen

I have a number of symptoms that are neurotic and are constricting in the sense that if I had a brilliant idea for a film that had to be shot in Tulsa, OK I would tear it up and throw it away. Anything outside of New York, 'cause I can't exist in a hotel outside of my own home, I have to be in my own home and my own environment. This is a neurotic symptom that is constricting to my work even. ~ Woody Allen

I ain't a Communist necessarily, but I have been in the red all my life. ~ Woody Guthrie

Woodrow Wilson has just made the decision to take part in World War I. What was he feeling then? Did he know the possible outcomes of his decision? Did he feel the burden of American lives on his shoulders? He probably said something like: "Goddamn. I love America but this could be the worst decision in American history." Don't worry yourself Woody, it wasn't. ~ Zachary Crosby

When you make the film, there's a big difference between when you're in your own home at the typewriter, and when you're standing on a mountain, or on a street corner, and buses are coming by-it's a different reality. You make a million changes that were never in the script, but that reality dictates. ~ Woody Allen

No one turns down a film with Woody; it's something everyone wants in their career as an important moment. He's such a comedic genius, without question, so I was thrilled. ~ Mark Rydell

Cedar, and pine, and fir, and branching palm, A sylvan scene, and as the ranks ascend Shade above shade, a woody theatre Of stateliest view. ~ John Milton

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours. ~ Woody Allen

I'd like to think that the day I realize we will always be miserable will differ from every other. I hope it will so obnoxiously stand out from the monotonous cycle of my days, that I wouldn't forget that sorrowful moment of comprehension. But, when that breeze of reality comes by, it wont be a memorable hurricane, nor a momentous tornado. It will be the same, sad, soft wind that I felt the day before, and the day before that. Because the moment you understand your inevitable misery in life, may also be the day you see you are to always be dejected. ~ Temperance

The most beautiful words in the English language are not 'I love you', but 'It's benign'. ~ Woody Allen

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson. ~ Woody Allen

You could listen to Woody Guthrie songs and actually learn how to live ... ~ Bob Dylan

No Matter what you do there will be critics. ~ Woody Allen

Jumping back into it was easy as apple pie, it was natural. Honestly, I'm not trying to be nostalgic and talk about the old days but I really believe wholeheartedly that the three of us, Woody Weatherman, Mike Dean & myself really learned how to play our instruments together and now that we are playing together again it can't be anything but natural. ~ Reed Mullin

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. ~ Woody Allen

One must have one's delusions to live. If you look at life too honestly and clearly, life becomes unbearable because it's a pretty grim enterprise, you will admit. ~ Woody Allen

I never considered myself an artist. I aspire to be an artist, but I never thought I had the depth or substance or gift to be an artist. I do think I have some talent, but it doesn't go as far as being an artist. ~ Woody Allen

As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have. ~ Woody Allen

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. ~ Woody Allen

There is no advantage getting older. You don't get smarter, you don't get wiser, you don't get more mellow, you don't get more kindly, nothing good happens. Your back hurts more, you get more indigestion, your eyesight isn't as good, you need a hearing aid. It's a bad business getting old and I would advise you not to do it if you can avoid it. It doesn't have a romantic quality. ~ Woody Allen

Everybody knows how awful the world is and each person distorts it in a certain way that enables him to get through. Some people distort it with religious things, others with sports, money, love, art, and they all have their own nonsense about what makes it meaningful, and all but nothing makes it meaningful. These things definitely serve a certain function, but in the end they all fail to give life meaning and everyone goes to his grave in a meaningless way. ~ Woody Allen

It's just an accident that we happen to be on earth, enjoying our silly little moments, distracting ourselves as often as possible so we don't have to really face up to the fact that, you know, we're just temporary people with a very short time in a universe that will eventually be completely gone. And everything that you value, whether it's Shakespeare, Beethoven, da Vinci, or whatever, will be gone. The earth will be gone. The sun will be gone. There'll be nothing. The best you can do to get through life is distraction. Love works as a distraction. And work works as a distraction. You can distract yourself a billion different ways. But the key is to distract yourself. ~ Woody Allen

Take the money and run. ~ Woody Allen

History is the same thing over and over again. ~ Woody Allen

This is a racist and imperialist war. The warmongers who stole the White House have hijacked a nation's grief and turned it into a perpetual war on any non-white country they choose to describe as terrorist. ~ Woody Harrelson

I used to have terrible acne on my face: red, splotchy discoloration. And mucus - I was constantly blowing my nose. Then one day, this woman sits down next to me on a bus, and says, 'You're lactose-intolerant.' It all cleared up in three days. That changed my life. Doctors couldn't figure it out. ~ Woody Harrelson

Woody Allen is in his '70s and he's making movies, so I look forward to getting there. ~ Brett Ratner

It's round the world I've traveled; it's round the world I've roamed; but I've yet to see an outlaw drive a family from its home ~ Woody Guthrie

[True Detective] is an intense show, even in terms of the dialogue - there's a little rhythm to it, in particular in his monologues. I think on those days, he [Woody Harrelson] really had to stay in the zone. Because there's a certain cadence in which that character speaks and talks about life, you know? But then there are other days that he was able to be a little more loose. ~ Michelle Monaghan

Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale? ~ Woody Allen

It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all. ~ Woody Allen

My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one ~ Woody Allen

I hate when art becomes a religion. I feel the opposite. When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you're forfeiting your humanity. ~ Woody Allen

Some guys dig ditches, I have a band. It's what I do ~ Woody Herman

In New York State they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery - and it's weird, because the Ten Commandments say 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' But New York State says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was that my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have. ~ Woody Allen

Before I opened my computer in the parking lot today, I relived one of my favorite memories. It's the one with Woody and me sitting on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum after it's closed. We're watching people parade out of the museum in summer shorts and sandals. The trees to the south are planted in parallel lines. The water in the fountain shoots up with a mist that almost reaches the steps we sit on. We look at silver-haired ladies in red-and-white-print dresses. We separate the mice from the men, the tourists from the New Yorkers, the Upper East Siders from the West Siders. The hot-pretzel vendor sells us a wad of dough in knots with clumps of salt stuck on top. We make our usual remarks about the crazies and wonder what it would be like to live in a penthouse apartment on Fifth Avenue overlooking the Met. We laugh and say the same things we always say. We hold hands and keep sitting, just sitting, as the sun beings to set. It's a perfect afternoon. ~ Diane Keaton

I love 'Husbands and Wives,' Woody Allen's movie. It's like one of my all-time favorites. I could watch it over and over again. ~ Zoe Lister-Jones

The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts. ~ Woody Allen

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ. ~ Woody Allen

Years of insanity have made this guy crazy! ~ Woody Allen

Nothing that comes easy is worth a dime. ~ Woody Hayes

I am out to sing songs that will prove to you that this is your world and that if it has hit you pretty hard and knocked you for a dozen loops, no matter what color, what size you are, how you are built, I am out to sing the songs that make you take pride in yourself and in your work. And the songs that I sing are made up for the most part by all sorts of folks just about like you. ~ Woody Guthrie

I never ever see a film of mine after I release it to the public. I see it when I shoot it in my dailies and while I'm editing it, re-editing it and reshooting it and all that. By the time it's finished I never want to see it again. ~ Woody Allen

You can't work at a relationship; you can't control it. You have to be lucky and go through your life. If you are not lucky you have to be prepared for some degree of suffering. That's why most relationships are very difficult and have some degree of pain. People stay together because of inertia, they don't have the energy. Because they are frightened of being lonely, or they have children. ~ Woody Allen

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. ~ Woody Allen

Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion. ~ Woody Allen

The only way to get a serious message across is through comedy ~ Woody Harrelson

Go ahead - walk into the propeller. ~ Woody Allen

Over time, my belief in many things has wavered: marriage, the afterlife, Woody Allen. ~ Lena Dunham

When I was in my twenties and just so sexually prolific, the first time I went to Machu Picchu, this guy, a spiritual teacher, says to me, "When you make love, you must be making love." I thought that was the greatest advice I had ever heard. ~ Woody Harrelson

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. ~ Woody Allen

You oil field workers, come and listen to me I'm goin' to tell you a story about old John D. That company union made a fool out of me. That company union don't charge no dues It leaves you a-singing them Rockefeller blues. That company union made a fool out of me. Takes that good ole C.I.O., boys To keep that oil a-rollin', rollin' over the sea. Takes that good ole C.I.O., boys To keep that oil a-rollin' over the sea. ~ Woody Guthrie

I would not like to live in the past because you don't get anesthetic when you go to the dentist. You don't get antibiotics. You don't get the things that you are used to now, cell phones and televisions and things that are very convenient. You don't want that. But, it would be fun if you could, every now and then, just meet a friend for lunch at Maxim's in Paris in 1900, or go back to 1870 just for a couple of hours, take a walk in the park, and then come right back to Broadway. ~ Woody Allen

Comedy comes from the pain and sadness you feel in day-to-day life," he explains. "People who are happy and satisfied with their lives can't produce comedy, I think. They have no need to make a movie that inspires laughter. Charlie Chaplin grew up in poverty. Woody Allen has an extremely negative personality - he's a depressed guy who needs to create laughter to live. Laughter is a form of salvation for negative people. ~ Yosuke Fujit

I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history; Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields. ~ Woody Allen

When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York. ~ Woody Allen

Anything easy ain't worth a damn! ~ Woody Hayes

There's no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith. ~ Woody Allen