Women S Humor Quotes

Ann Boleyn...a Renaissance Audrey Hepburn in a little black dress. ~ JoAnn Spears

Our culture is obsessed with perfection, especially when it comes to the way women look. The parameters of acceptability as far as physical appearance go are so limiting that only a handful of women actually fall into this category. And the rest of us are left to either squeeze ourselves into molds that don't fit, hating ourselves all the while, or we just give up entirely. ~ Yancy Lael

Open your heart and find your Destiny ~ Jacqueline Britton

Women instinctually know how to nourish each other, and just being with each other is restorative ~ Tanja Taaljard

If I had a dollar for everytime my mother told me god had a plan I'd probably buy a new prada bag. ~ Naya Rivera

I had come to worry about those women who were full-time mothers and homemakers by choice. Did other, more career-minded women have the right to devalue them ... ? Maybe it was time to slow down and look at the role restrictions imposed not only on women but the men around them, to search for the balance that could promote self-sufficiency ... ~ Lin Pardey

[Shakespeare realized that] Women are able to understand themselves better on a personal level and survive in the world if they dress in men's clothing, thus living underground, safe (...). The presence of women disguising themselves as men dictates that the play be a comedy; women remaining in their frocks, a tragedy. In four great tragedies -Julius Caesar, Hamlet, Othello, and King Lear- almost all the women die (...).
How much the women have to adhere to the rules and regulations of their enviroment makes a large difference. Once Rosalind [disguised as a man in As You Like It] has run away from the court, she has no institutional structures to deal with. Ophelia [in her frocks] is surrounded tightly by institutional structures of family, court, and politics; only by going mad can be get out of it all. ~ Tina Packer

The Highest Reward for men and women 's devotion and dedication to excellence is not what one gets from it but what one he or she becomes through it. ~ Bill Britt

But, of course, in real life, in the outside world, women do not have equality. They have been judged inferior to men -Adam's rib, his helpmate- with no soul of their own. This has been so since the beginning of Western civilization. Women may have been potent characters in plays by Aeschylus, Euripides, and Sophocles, but in classical Greek life, women were not allowed to leave their houses (except to go to the well or on certain feast days). Their names on all legal documents appear as "the daughter of so and so" or "the wife of so and so", They had almost no rights -"She is my goods, my chattels", as Petruchio says of Kate two thousand years later (Taming of the Shrew,3.2,220). And with the advent of Christianity we began the debate as to whether women had souls in their own right or whether they were an "add-on" to their husbands and fathers. What is clear is that the mother of Jesus had to be both a virgin and totally lacking in sexual desire. And she is the model for all women.
By the time we get to Shakespeare's era, a widow would automatically inherit a third of her husband's possessions if he died (but those possessions became her new husband's if she remarried). Women probably had souls (but it was still being debated), and a woman was a monarch. But in neither classical Greece nor Elizabethan England could a woman portray a woman onstage [...] ~ Tina Packer

His sisters
my aunts
did not go to school at all, just like millions of girls in my country. Education had been a great gift for him. He believed that lack of education was the root of all of Pakistan's problems. Ignorance allowed politicians to fool people and bad administrators to be re-elected. He believed schooling should be available for all, rich and poor, boys and girls. The school that my father dreamed of would have desks and a library, computers, bright posters on the walls and, most important, washrooms. ~ Malala Yousafzai

The uneasy expression returned and his mouth twisted scornfully. She waited, certain he was going to say something. Lou'd heard it too many times before: a woman doing a man's work. She'd already decided how she was going to cut him down if he did. Instead, he said nothing. ~ Danika Stone

Three months before I met you, I was looking for the next thrill, the next party, the next girl. And then I walked in and found you perched in my kitchen like the most beautifully confident creature I'd ever seen, and I knew you'd be a wildfire. ~ R.S. Grey

The Goddess helps us heal the deep wound within us that tells us we are unworthy. ~ Tabby Biddle

Sometimes I began to wonder if she was taking vengeance on behalf of her ancestor women whom her ancestor men turned into sex slaves and baby making machines. ~ S.A. David

I once asked her if she was happy. "That depends on what I am able to get done today," she said, laughing. She told me that the completion of her daily tasks was the only thing she felt she had control over. They were a form of meditation, of salve. Kept busy, she had no time to ruminate and no time for opinions, certainly not feminist ones. I pressed her: "I mean, are you happy with your life, Rajima?" "I don't know," she said uncomfortably, as if she'd never really considered such a question. "When there is little you can do, you do what you can." Happiness for my grandmother seemed to be a verb rather than a noun. She had so little control over her own life. Yet she took control, out of thin air for herself, when she could. ~ Padma Lakshmi

Cassidy continued to rub his chest and groaned at Ollie pleadingly. "I don"t like it. Make it stop."
"It"s just love, sweetie. It won"t kill you. I promise."
"Love totally sucks ass!"
Ollie shrugged nonchalantly. "Perhaps I"m wrong. Maybe you"re having a heart attack."
Cassidy glanced back up, hopeful. "You think?"
Ollie shook his head. "You"re one sick bitch. ~ Ethan Day

[Home Economics Textbook from 1950]: "Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so you'll look refreshed when hubby comes home from work. Touch up makeup and put a ribbon in your hair. He's just been with work-weary people. Be a little gay. His boring day needs a lift."
Mama Celia: "Get knee-walking drunk. You've earned it. You've been with four kids under the age of seven all day. Put a ribbon in your nose and try to pull it out of your mouth. You're wasted, after all. Announce you're gay. The look on his face will give you a lift. ~ Celia Rivenbark

I've always said women are vicious creatures - Detective Zach Grimes ~ Lauren Bradshaw

She says it is a school for bluestockings which, according to her, is really only a fashionable way of saying it is a school for ugly girls who cannot find suitable husbands. To tease her, for I believe it is one of his greatest pleasures in this life, my father bought a pair of blue silk stockings for me the day we received my letter of acceptance. That evening and the next, father and I dined alone. ~ Gwenn Wright

If you want to teach women to be great writers, you should show them the best, and the best was often done by men. It was more often done by men than by women, if we're going to be truthful. ~ A.S. Byatt

KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck.
-The Chief ~ Hunter S. Thompson

I think its good to just say what you're thinking out loud. Some guy comes up to you on the street and starts asking a bunch of personal questions, you can say 'Whoa, this is weird behavior, I don't know you. You seem like a predator.' If he gets mad and calls you a "bitch", it doesn't mean you're a bitch, it just means you were right." -Karen Kilgariff ~ Karen Kilgariff

And yes, I mean it. A man who sticks his cock in an infant`s mouth belongs to Himmler`s circle of hell. ~ Andrea Dworkin

Men and women are made for each other, but their mutual dependence differs in degrees; man is dependent on woman through his desires; woman is dependent on man through her desires and also through her needs; he could do without her better than she can do without him. She cannot fulfill her purpose in life without his aid, without his goodwill, without his respect ... Nature herself has decreed that woman, both for herself and her children, should be at the mercy of man s judgment. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau

He came to be very glad that he had known her, and that she had had a hand in breaking him in to life. He has known pretty women and clever ones since then,-- but never one like her, as she was in her best days. Her eyes, when they laughed for a moment into one`s own, seemed to promise a wild delight that he has not found in life. "I know where it is," they seemed to say, "I could show you! ~ Willa Cather

The difference between the masculine and feminine spiritual constitution is represented by their respective roles in reproduction. The man is the giver while the woman is the receiver. The man gives to the woman, but she, in turn, produces much more than the man initiated. She receives but ultimately ends up creating and developing something complete. If masculinity is giving, femininity is receiving, developing, and completing. ~ Chana Weisberg

I don't know why I go to school unless for kicks, oh well might as well do dissect a frog. ~ S.E. Hinton

Chase? He actually said that to you?"
She frowned. "Yes."
"When?"
"When we were in bed."
"Great timing," Dee muttered. "Just like a man. We'll just file him away under D for dumb ass and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Or better yet, S for sicko. ~ Lindsey Brookes

It seems Washinoo didn't mind being kidnapped by lunatics. He remained with Yoshitsune until the very end. ~ Pamela S Turner

No asshole would stop Harley Wright's epic quest for pussy. He would fight every bum in Manhattan for a fine piece of ass like Sorcha! ~ Alan Kinross

Also the fact that he's a guy. A girl screws around like Lotto and she's like diseased. Untouchable. But a guy can stick it to a million places and everyone just thinks he's doing what boys do. ~ Lauren Groff

Just as there is no warning for childbirth, there is no preparation for the sight of a first child ... There should be a song for women to sing at this moment, or a prayer to recite. But perhaps there is none because there are no words strong enough to name the moment. ~ Anita Diamant

I was ecstatic they re-named 'French Fries' as 'Freedom Fries'. Grown men and women in positions of power in the U.S. government showing themselves as idiots. ~ Johnny Depp

Who`s there?" replied Alaska.
"Who."
"Who Who?"
"What are you, an owl?" I finished. Lame. ~ John Green