Witty Banter Quotes

Well,' Frederick had said, 'I will see what can be arranged, Archie. But I will not have the girl frightened or compromised.'
'You sound like a grandfather who has raised fifteen daughters and is now starting on his granddaughters, Freddie,' Lord Archibald had said. 'It is most disconcerting. ~ Mary Balogh

I'm a Buddhist. You might have a Christian obligation to catch pneumonia while you sit for two and a half hours listening to some twerp in a dress drone on about the virtue of wedded life but, dear as you are to me, I don't. ~ Natasha Pulley

It's like you are oozing magic." Tari rolled her eyes.
"Yes I am an all-powerful witch," she said sarcastically.
"No. Not a witch, but something. I can't explain it. It's as if magic is your friend," Ivy continued. ~ S.K. Whiteside

Lily?"

She couldn't see his face, but she knew his eyes were on her. She could feel them.

A beat passed. Then another. He flicked the flashlight on, his eyes zooming in on her mouth. "Don't suppose you're scared enough of the dark to leave."

She shook her head. "I don't suppose you're planning on leaving me on my own."

A smile, then, "You might cheat." He tugged their linked hands and leaned the slightest bit closer.

"True," she breathed, mirroring his movement. "I wouldn't trust you if our roles were reversed." Inches from his face, she admired the curve of his top lip. "What are you doing, Black?"

"I think," he whispered back, his warm breath fanning over her lips, "I'm going to have to kiss you, McIntire. ~ Jessica Lemmon

Is it white wine? Red tastes like vinegar.'

'Of course it's white wine, I'm Japanese. ~ Natasha Pulley

This is good," he told her.

She gave him a slow blink. "You like wine?"

"Doesn't everyone?"

"You strike me as a beer-from-the-can kind of guy."

"I am." ~ Jessica Lemmon

I can see why they named that ballet the Nutcracker. It's gotta hurt having 'em crushed in something that tight. ~ Mark A. Cooper

What's that?' Thaniel said, curious. The postmarks and stamps weren't English or Japanese.

'A painting. There's a depressed Dutchman who does countryside scenes and flowers and things. It's ugly, but I have to maintain the estates in Japan and modern art is a good investment. ~ Natasha Pulley

I'm going to cook you a dinner, which we'll eat by candlelight. Roses, wine, witty banter, the whole first-date deal."
Everywhere he touched, her skin tingled with the promise of more. Feeling a soft breeze brush across her skin, she glanced toward the common room and flashed him a wicked smirk. "A bedroom with a door?"
"Mmmhmmm," he murmured as he tilted his head toward her, smirking. "I hadn't realized you were so high maintenance. ~ Aria Kane

Look, rodent." At least she could still talk.. "Either chop off my ears so I'm not subjected to your verbal projectiles or clench your back passage so you'd stop dumping toxic waste. ~ Auden Johnson

Your pussy taste like night."
"It's enchanted. ~ Misty Kayn

Whatever you say, sweetheart." He sent her a wink, a devilish one, the same one he no doubt used to sear the panties off his dates. ~ Jessica Lemmon

She will at least be decently clothed as she waits. Tomorrow I shall find her a brush and powder and whatever else a woman of her dignity requires."

Fin rolled her eyes. "Is 'dignity' what you call it?"

Jeannot offered her his hand. Fin took it and pulled herself up from the deck. She was barefoot and her pants and shirt were stained with everything from blood to oakum to lampblack. She stretched her shirt out between her hands and considered its mottle of stains. "I'm not dignified?" she asked.

When Fin looked up, Jeannot had an eyebrow cocked high and one side of his mouth was curled in amusement. "Where you are concerned, much requires redefinition. ~ A.S. Peterson

Is my life, by any chance, about to take a new turn? ~ Jonas Jonasson

I would sooner converse with a snake!" He side-stepped the clutter.
"Speak and have done. Even snakes prefer their choice of company. ~ Janny Wurts

Dorothea is a Grey," he pointed out. "Any member of her family would pause on the gallows to exchange witty banter with the hangman before graciously putting the noose about his neck with his own hands. ~ Diana Gabaldon

Lipstick?" He arched a brow.
"I'm on the hunt for my perfect shade," I respond, deadpan.
"Ditch the magenta. Your olive skin screams for rose." His deadpan is better than mine. ~ Gena Showalter

His friend laughed. 'You missed your calling, Freddie,' he said. 'You should have been one of the aforementioned clergy. Is this what marriage does to you? One shudders at the very idea. ~ Mary Balogh

Have you never heard the saying 'you attract more flies with honey than vinegar'?" "Why would I want to attract flies?" "Never mind. ~ Roshani Chokshi

I'll give you a cake if you get him in the stream by the end of the afternoon,' Mori said to Six.

'Hold on,' Thaniel said. 'No making criminals of the orphans, Fagin.'

'But I want some cake,' Six frowned. 'And his name isn't Fagin. ~ Natasha Pulley

Yes. Kissing. Overrated."
"I could change your mind," Zach said, surprising the hell out of them both. Why would he take something as simple as this banter as a challenge? "I don't know that I want to, but I feel right sure I could."
"How arrogant. How typically male."
"I suppose." He shrugged and reached for the wine bottle. "More?"
She nodded, frowning now. "How do you know you could change my mind? It's been a long time since you ... well - "
"Over two years." The pain was there, an ache in his chest he imagined he would feel every time he thought of Hannah.
And he thought of her every day. Dreamed of her about as often. But lately, maybe only in the past week, he'd begun to realize that his life had not ended with his wife's.
He either had to die or start living again. ~ Tracy Sumner

Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities. ~ Oscar Wilde

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free! ~ Groucho Marx

I am so busy doing nothing ... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Brody's not gay. But then he kisses a boy. So he might be gay? No, Brody's not gay. But he loves this boy. So after much delaying, debating, and waiting, the answer comes clear ... nothing is ever perfectly straight. It's slash. ~ Dart Gray

At once, it's clear I cannot gush. We try me playing cocky, but I just don't have the arrogance. Apparently, I'm too "vulnerable" for ferocity. I'm not witty. Funny. Sexy. Or mysterious By the end of the session, I am no one at all. ~ Suzanne Collins

It's important to talk about it. You raise awareness. But you can also prevent it (child abuse) by not letting it be a secret. ~ Chris Witty

Most women defend themselves. It is the female of the species-it is the tigress and lioness in you which tends to defend when attacked. ~ Margaret Thatcher

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course ~ Larry David

And why would I be hiding from Master Chubb in his own kitchen?" Halt challenged. Again, Horace shrugged innocently.
"Well, there was a tray of freshly made pies airing on the windowsill, wasn't there? And you're quite fond of pies, aren't you, Halt?"
Halt drew himself up very straight in the saddle. "Are you accusing me of sneaking into that kitchen to steal the pies for myself? Is that it?"
His voice and body language simply reeked of injured dignity.
"Of course not, Halt!" Horace hurried to assure him, and Halt's stiff-shouldered form relaxed a little.
"I just thought I'd give you the opportunity to confess," Horace added. ~ John Flanagan

The queen sighed. "What am I going to do with all of you now!"
"You're going to let us continue our journey," Belgarath replied calmly. "We'll argue about it, of course, but in the end that's the way it'll turn out."
She stared at him.
"You did ask, after all. I'm sure you feel better now that you know. ~ David Eddings

If I indulge myself and surrender to memory, I can still feel the knot of excitement that gripped me as I turned the corner into Rue Mimosas, looking for the house of Rene Magritte. It was August, 1965. I was 33 years old and about to meet the man whose profound and witty surrealist paintings had contradicted my assumptions about photography. ~ Duane Michals

Facts are the enemy of truth. ~ Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra

A St. Trinian's girl would be sadistic, cunning, dissolute, crooked, sordid, lacking morals of any sort and capable of any excess. She would also be well-spoken, even well-mannered and polite. Sardonic, witty and very amusing. She would be good company. In short: typically human and, despite everything, endearing. ~ Ronald Searle

Most of you Mistborn are probably too proud to crawl. I'm surprised you were willing to do so yourself."
"Too proud to crawl?" Kelsier said. "Nosense! Why, I'd say that we Mistborn are too proud not to be humble enough to go crawling about--in a dignified manner, of course."
Dockson frowned, approaching the desk. "Kell, that didn't make any sense."
"We Mistborn need not make sense. ~ Brandon Sanderson

If you were smart," Genghis said, "you would have borrowed the silverware of one of your friends."
"We never thought of that," Klaus said. When one is forced to tell atrocious lies, one often feels a guilty flutter in one's stomach, and Klaus felt such a flutter now. "You certainly are an intelligent man."
"Not only am I intelligent," Genghis agreed, "but I'm also very smart. ~ Lemony Snicket

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. ~ Phyllis Diller

I've never wanted to be with women so much as I wanted to be them: there are women whose career arc excites me, whose ease of expression is impressive, whose mastery of party banter has bee simultaneously hostile and rapt. ~ Lena Dunham

Friends from America!(Translation:"Tourist with Money")Look this way! ~ Amanda Hudson

Over his shoulder, she saw Skulduggery walk in. "Oh, hell," she muttered.
Wreath's smile reappeared. "It's Skulduggery, isn't it?"
Over his shoulder, she saw Skulduggery walk in. "Oh , hell," she muttered.
Wreath's smile reappeared. "It's Skulduggery, isn't it?"
"Please don't annoy him."
"Me? When have I EVER annoyed the great Skulduggery Pleasant?"
Skulduggery arrived at their table. Wreath smile up at him. "Hello."
"I will shoot you in the eye," Skulduggery said.
Wreath glanced at Valkyrie. "I think I've annoyed him. ~ Derek Landy

Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned. ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

Normally you have news, weather and travel ... but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel. ~ Michael McIntyre

Nobody ever lost a dollar by underestimating the taste of the American public. ~ P.T. Barnum

That's the secret to life ... replace one worry with another. ~ Charles M. Schulz

Birdscapes moves rather like those swallows, dipping and swerving to pick up all sorts of items of interest. Mynott tells plenty of good birding tales, but these serve mainly to set off trains of reflection ... Reading Birdscapes is like going birding with a learned, witty, and somewhat irreverent companion who isn't satisfied just to check things off ... [D]elightful to read on a journey or a housebound day, and [opens] fascinating new horizons for anyone who wants to enlarge his or her interest in birds. ~ Robert O. Paxton

There is an element of seduction in shoes that doesn't exist for men. A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes. ~ Christian Louboutin

I call it an Aha! moment. It is the moment when I can hear, when I know, that an answer is being offered to me. All other sounds measurably fade, including the banter in my brain. It is when the answer travels from my heart to my head and says, "This is so." No questions follow, no objections interrupt; just the recognition that I must listen and follow. ~ Sharon E. Rainey

Some time ago Ken Galbraith, in his witty and insightful The Great Crash, coined a new economic term: "the bezzle," defined as the current amount of undiscovered embezzlement. This financial creature has a magical quality: The embezzlers are richer by the amount of the bezzle, while the embezzlees do not yet feel poorer. ~ Warren Buffett

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.
She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic. ~ Woody Allen

He had a rough idea where he was going, since Rylann had previously mentioned that she lived in Roscoe Village. At the stoplight at Belmont Avenue, he pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through his contacts. The beauty of text messaging, he realized, was in its simplicity. He didn't have to try to explain things, nor did he have to attempt to parse through all the banter in an attempt to figure out what she might be thinking. Instead, he could keep things short and sweet.

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU.

He hit send.

To kill time while he waited for her response, he drove in the direction of his sister's wine shop, figuring he could always drop in and harass Jordan about something.

This time, however, she beat him to the punch.

"So who's the brunette bombshell?" Jordan asked as soon as he walked into the shop and took a seat at the main bar.

Damn. He'd forgotten about the stupid Scene and Heard column. Kyle helped himself to a cracker and some Brie cheese sitting on the bar. "I'm going to say…Angelina Jolie. Actually, no - Megan Fox."

"Megan Fox is, like, twenty-five."

"And this is a problem why, exactly?"

Jordan slapped his hand as he reached for more crackers. "Those are for customers." She put her hand on her hip. "You know, after reading the Scene and Heard column, I'd kind of hoped it was Rylann they were talking about. And that maybe, just maybe, my ne'er-do-well twin had decided ~ Julie James

Your
ah
intervention, shall we say, has simplified things in the palace enormously. We no longer have to worry about Salmissra's whims and peculiar appetites. We rule by committee, and we hardly ever find it necessary to poison each other anymore. No one's tried to poison me for months. ~ David Eddings

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit. ~ Colin Quinn

Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instruction. ~ Anne Sullivan

You're supposed to be a spirit of intellect. I don't understand why you're obsessed with sex."
Bob's voice got defensive. "It's an academic interest, Harry."
"Oh yeah? Well maybe I don't think it's fair to let your academia go peeping in other people's houses."
"Wait a minute. My academia doesn't just peep -"
I held up a hand. "Save it. I don't want to hear it."
He grunted. "You're trivializing what getting out for a bit means to me, Harry. You're insulting my masculinity."
"Bob," I said, "you're a skull . You don't have any masculinity to insult."
"Oh yeah?" Bob challenged me. "Pot kettle black, Harry! Have you gotten a date yet? Huh? Most men have something better to do in the middle of the night than play with their chemistry sets. ~ Jim Butcher

Andrea raised her hand. "This is the hand that slapped Aunt B."
"Maybe you should have it gold-plated."
"Here, you can touch it, since you're my best friend. ~ Ilona Andrews

Until the day arrives when all women decide that our rights are not negotiable, our future choices will not be secure. ~ Faye Wattleton

Most men will not swim before they are able to. Is that not witty? Naturally, they won't swim! They are born for the solid earth, not for the water. And naturally they wont think. They are made for life, not for thought. Yes, and he who thinks, what's more, he who makes thought his business, he may go far in it, but he has bartered the solid earth for the water all the same, and one day he will drown. ~ Hermann Hesse

Even Mademoiselle Neubahr can't make me believe in hell. It doesn't seem a very - witty - solution of the crime-and-punishment situation, does it? ~ Frances Noyes Hart

I just made a movie. There's a kind of a banter that some people might recognize as being screwball. There are no cell phones, no DVD playersit's set in a timeless Brooklyn. Hopefully, it's a good, old-fashioned movie. ~ Michael Showalter